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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

He says I'm weird about food.

245 replies

Russet56 · 13/05/2018 13:09

My husband has a habit of eating any food he happens across, raw ingredients are usually safe from him but any food that can be eaten straight from the fridge or cupboard is fair game. He says it's just food, it's meant to be eaten, I can always buy more and if I object I'm "being weird about it". Thing is it's very often something I've bought for a specific reason. Matters came to a head yesterday because I'd bought some Manchego cheese for a recipe I was making, he knew this because he commented that I don't often buy Manchego and I told him what it was for. When I went to get it from the fridge he'd removed the waxy rind and put it back in the packaging but the cheese was gone, he freely admitted eating it and could see nothing wrong with it. Putting the packaging back is one of the things he does, I'm always finding empty packets carefully put back in place.

He's always been what I would call competitive about food in a schoolboyish kind of way. Stuff like eating his dinner as fast as possible then helping himself off my plate. I've tried giving him ever bigger and bigger portions but he still does this. If he asks for a bite of my sandwich he'll cram the whole thing in his mouth, if I don't give him any he says I'm hoarding and "being weird about food" Mostly I'm just hungry! I don't begrudge him the food if he really needs it but it's frustrating to plan a meal then find I can't cook it in quite the way I intended because he's eaten some crucial ingredient. Or knowing that I bought some biscuits that morning but going to the tin in the afternoon and being faced with the empty packet. AIBU?

OP posts:
BreakfastAtSquiffanys · 13/05/2018 15:40

We have adult children.
He did go to boarding school

I wonder did he take food off the children's plates?
My DH went to boarding school and also eats very quickly- I guess it was the only way you had any chance of getting seconds.
My DH will sometimes - rarely - gaze hopefully at my half eaten plate but never ever take anyting off it.

What happens when he eats a recipe ingredient, leaving you short?
Does he go out shopping to replace it? Or do you? Or do without?

PerfectlySymmetricalButtocks · 13/05/2018 15:41

DH used to ask for stuff I'd bought for bfing snacks. I was constantly hungry.

SoyDora · 13/05/2018 15:41

It's over familiarity and it's not showing consideration for others, buts that's just men

It really really isn’t. DH is 6ft 2, 16 stone, plays rugby and eats like a horse. He would never eat food off my plate, eat everything in the fridge even if it’s ear marked for meals or stuff down my whole sandwich. Because he has manners. Even if there was no way I was going to eat what was on my plate he’d wait until I offered him something. You have really really low standards.

OP this has made me feel a bit sick!

PuppetOnAString · 13/05/2018 15:42

I would be telling him to fuck off and move my plate away and go in another room to eat. I would also be making him go and replace the ingredients he’s eaten. He sounds like a right twat.

Missingstreetlife · 13/05/2018 15:42

Some people were abused in many ways at boarding school
People who have been starved develop strange habits around food, unsurprisingly.
Hoarding and obsessional behaviours may be sign of mental health problem, brain injury
Has he always been like this

diddl · 13/05/2018 15:43

"years of having food in specific portions and at set times"

But then he's also had years of cooking what he wanted, when he wanted & the quantity he wanted?

SoyDora · 13/05/2018 15:43

Oh and my DH also went to boarding school. He still has manners.

Jux · 13/05/2018 15:44

Yeah, these are power games. DH used to do this a bit too. He'll still stop on a long journey "just getting petrol, no time for coffees etc" so we stay in the car and he comes back with a sandwich. One. For him.

Your dp's behaviour is not conversant with family life. Don't have kids.

BakedBeans47 · 13/05/2018 15:44

He’s an arsehole

MagneticMan · 13/05/2018 15:45

@Branleuse I know. I think the fact I only see him once a week has meant it's taken a while for me to reach breaking point. If, like the OP, I was experiencing this on a daily basis he'd have been under the patio a long time ago!

Thank you for posting this thread OP, it's made my mind up - I'm getting the food thief out of my life Smile

BristolGrrl · 13/05/2018 15:55

OP - put some fat balls in the fridge and then smile to yourself as they disappear.... Grin

Fat ball classics thread

Jux · 13/05/2018 15:56

And what is it with the hoarding of packaging? If it's that he's been abused via food as a child, then it's obviously not as simple as not knowing where the bin is. But if it's not that, then it's a power game again.

BMW6 · 13/05/2018 15:57

Bizzare behaviour - I'm afraid I would have to tell him to keep the fuck away from MY food. He'd either pack it in and behave like a normal human being or get out.
Gobbling his portion as fast as possible then helping himself to yours? Only someone with a MH problem would consider that normal behaviour.

PositivelyPERF · 13/05/2018 15:58

Blimey! I know dogs and cats with better manners than some people! One of the first things I teach the dogs, that come for holidays, is that they must not eat if any bowl that is not theirs. If the bloody dog can learn in a few hours, then why can’t he?

PositivelyPERF · 13/05/2018 15:59

Starvation as a child has nothing to do with this, if he’s only doing this to his wife.

SimonBridges · 13/05/2018 16:05

That's just what men with big appetites do

That's just what cunts with control issues do.

There you go, fixed that for you.

BlackAmericanoNoSugar · 13/05/2018 16:06

It would be amusing to bulk buy special offers, for instance of cheap biscuits, and see how long it takes before he stops gobbling his way through the entire thing in one go. For instance, my local supermarket does an own brand pack of chocolate digestives for €0.47 which I buy for my DC once a week. They eat it in two days between the two of them and then there are no biscuits for the rest of the week (I don't like them so that's fine with me). You could buy 10 cheap packs in one go, leave in the biscuit tin, mention that you're looking forward to one (one biscuit, not one pack) with an afternoon cup of tea, and see whether he can block your afternoon biscuit without exploding. Then buy 10 more packs the next day. Grin

Bluesmartiesarebest · 13/05/2018 16:15

YANBU. It must be hard work being married to such a greedy bastard. The food isn’t a problem, it’s the fact that he is being disrespectful towards you and blames you for it.

Goodasgoldilox · 13/05/2018 16:16

Clearly, from the replies above, his isn't 'normal' behaviour around food.

It does seem really lacking in respect to do this to someone - and deliberate.

Does he do this to the food of other people - or it is just yours?

Perhaps this is one of those things where you need to discuss the way it makes you feel (hungry and fed-up with fetching things for meals and then finding them missing) and see if you can agree on 'rules' that work for you both. If he doesn't care that you are unhappy with his behaviour and doesn't want to change it because of this - you know where you stand.

HollowTalk · 13/05/2018 16:18

It's made me feel ill to think of people behaving like that. I can't bear eating when someone's staring at my food, wanting to eat it.

I went out with a friend and her husband and son, once - we'd never eaten out together before - all three of them were eating really fast and staring at each other's plates, and then started to grab food off the other person's plate, without asking. I was really shocked and said, "Let's just get this straight. If any of you touch anything on my plate I'm going home now." Given we were in a country pub and I was driving us all, they didn't touch my plate Grin

@MagneticMan your boyfriend sounds disgusting. Honestly, your description of him reminded me of Hannibal Lector - all that smelling and touching of your food. God, I feel ill at that thought!

averylongtimeasSpartacus · 13/05/2018 16:18

This isn't about food, it's about control.
It's not normal, and it's not on.

My DH is well over 6ft and works in a physically demanding job, he gets very hungry. He absolutely would not take the food off my plate or slurp my wine Magnetic because he's not a controlling abusive arse.

Is this a new thing? Did he do this to your children, or when they were at home?

Ask yourself, do I want to just put up with this? And if not, what do you want to do about it?

Eliza9917 · 13/05/2018 16:21

Today 14:16 Dietcokebreak1

I think people are really going over the top with this.

My husband does these things, so does my dad and brother. That's just what men with big appetites do. Its not a mental problem or bullying or disrespect. It's over familiarity and it's not showing consideration for others, buts that's just men.

No it isn't. DP eats more than me but he wouldn't do any of the things the OP describes. He certainly wouldn't take my food unless i'd finished with it.

I wonder whether the OPs DH has to have a bit of EVERYTHING she has?

MagneticMan · 13/05/2018 16:29

Honestly, your description of him reminded me of Hannibal Lector

Thank god I drank Merlot rather than Chianti Grin

The touching is food that's still in its packaging but I still dislike the proprietary manner of it.

Anyway, he won't be eating/drinking/touching anything of mine again. Putting it down 'on paper' as it were has helped me make the decision that this relationship is over.

He did have a difficult childhood which I know has impacted on him. His mother was very cold towards him and his siblings so he was emotionally starved but there's no suggestion he was physically starved.

Oddly he didn't do this when we first got together, it's only been over the last couple of months.

Remote1candles · 13/05/2018 16:37

I don't think is how all men with big appetites behave. Lots of my university friends were men with big appetites. So if the rest of us weren't hungry or had been given food that we weren't keen on, then we would offer it to the others. They would never eat food off other people's plates without being invited.

Some people do have much bigger appetites than others. Therefore they need to have bigger portions - one of my flat mates would cook a full meal every dinnertime, when I was often happy with a snack. The other one ate loads of biscuits, but he
would offer his biscuits around first before finishing off the packet. He did once eat some jam tarts I'd left in the fridge after a boozy night out but then apologised the next day (it was fine I'd left them for him as he'd not been around when I'd baked them earlier).

DarthArts · 13/05/2018 16:44

@MagneticMan

Well done you. He sounds like waste of good Merlot Grin