He says I'm weird about food.

[Russet56]

My husband has a habit of eating any food he happens across, raw ingredients are usually safe from him but any food that can be eaten straight from the fridge or cupboard is fair game. He says it's just food, it's meant to be eaten, I can always buy more and if I object I'm "being weird about it". Thing is it's very often something I've bought for a specific reason. Matters came to a head yesterday because I'd bought some Manchego cheese for a recipe I was making, he knew this because he commented that I don't often buy Manchego and I told him what it was for. When I went to get it from the fridge he'd removed the waxy rind and put it back in the packaging but the cheese was gone, he freely admitted eating it and could see nothing wrong with it. Putting the packaging back is one of the things he does, I'm always finding empty packets carefully put back in place.

He's always been what I would call competitive about food in a schoolboyish kind of way. Stuff like eating his dinner as fast as possible then helping himself off my plate. I've tried giving him ever bigger and bigger portions but he still does this. If he asks for a bite of my sandwich he'll cram the whole thing in his mouth, if I don't give him any he says I'm hoarding and "being weird about food" Mostly I'm just hungry! I don't begrudge him the food if he really needs it but it's frustrating to plan a meal then find I can't cook it in quite the way I intended because he's eaten some crucial ingredient. Or knowing that I bought some biscuits that morning but going to the tin in the afternoon and being faced with the empty packet. AIBU?

It isn't "schoolboyish" for a grown man to grab things off other people's plates or grab the whole sandwich when they are offered a bite. It is weird and inappropriate and self-centered.

Since he refuses to see it as a problem, I suggest you buy a box with a padlock and put everything you want to keep from him in the box in the fridge. It will look ridiculous but if he queries it say "it is to stop me choosing to get stressed over you eating all the food I buy - this way I am stress-free". If he tries to eat off your plate, push his hand away, remove the plate calmly and leave the room to eat elsewhere. If he says anything say "it is to stop me choosing to get stressed over you stealing the food off my plate - this way I am stress-free"

Must say, I'd find this very hard to live with. deeply unattractive.

God they’re annoying aren’t they!

Also OP, he does have food issues and should probably see a therapist about it.

Hmm. It may be grief that's caused his abusive behaviour to shift to food rather than anything else, but I bet he's always been a selfish, sexist prick.

Op if she's overeating massively perhaps a trip to doctors for thyroid or diabetes test.

Relative started massively overeating but was not gaining weight and it turned out they were diabetic

I couldn't live with someone like this. He is not only eating things which he knows you bought for a specific reason but asks for a bite of your sandwich and then crams the whole thing into his mouth. It's totally selfish behaviour and if he tried taking food from my plate he would have few if any fingers remaining.

I think it's time to teach him a lesson - make a tasty sandwich with senakot sprinkled in the filling - enough to ensure he is sat on the loo for long enough to give him time to recognise what an utter pig he is.

Ew. Deeply unattractive traits he has there. Who the fuck does he think he is?

TBH his attitude towards OP's food is so weird I think he needs professional help.

Nobody, nobody, scoffs their portion as quickly as they can then starts eating someone else's while the other person is still eating their own portion

Nobody. Normal. Does. That.

Show him this thread and tell him he needs to get this treated.

If my DH knowingly ate an ingredient I had specifically purchased for a meal, making dinner would now be his problem...while I read a magazine and had a cup of tea. No need to get angry, just "oh right, well I was going to make x with that cheese you've eaten...I'll leave it to you to prepare something else".

Natural consequences every time. It really does make people think about their behaviour. My best example was DH encouraging the DC in the direction of some ridiculously complicated book day costumes, when they'd already been persuaded toward practical, do-able (by me, always by me) ideas. I could either get frustrated, or congratulate DH on his great ideas and tell him I looked forward to seeing what he made. Doing the latter was much more effective than having a row. You just have to really mean it and follow through, or natural consequences just becomes PA behaviour.

OP. You mention your husband has obsessions. Are you thinking he could be on the autistic spectrum? If so boundaries and social etiquette is often a huge issue.

Oh god, I wondered how long it would take for 'do you think he's on the spectrum?' to rear its head, and here it is.

I have Asperger's, and am quite 'specific' in how I eat (i.e. I prefer my food not to touch, eat different parts of my plate in a certain order etc), but I do not steal, and never have stolen, food from another person, because that's RUDE.

My OH (who is a man, with a man appetite, because apparently that's also a thing on this thread) has always been entirely respectful of my food choices and how I eat (although if, when pressed, he will confess he thinks it's a wee bit odd), and also never steals food from other people's plates, because that's RUDE.

I agree with Aspellurgus about natural consequences- your husband needs to be the one inconvenienced by his greed. Don’t substitute ingredients- make him sort dinner out. Or eat your main meal at work at lunchtime and get him organising all dinners and the food shop.

eat your main meal at work at lunchtime and get him organising all dinners and the food shop.

Good idea. Have soup every night.

I'm not sure why so many people are just hurling insults. I doubt he is remotely in control of this. It's not about food. Food is a proxy for care for almost all of us. If he's being territorial or predatory about food, he is acting out emotional issues around neglect or abandonment. It sounds to me like the bereavements he's suffered recently have rekindled longstanding and unresolved childhood issues. He needs counselling quite urgently, I would say.

I'm not sure why so many people are just hurling insults

Because it’s mumsnet

On one thread they’ll be waxing lyrical about their approach to parenthood. On another they’ll be calling another poster a cu&t.

he sounds disgusting. its him who has issues with food not you.

if dp took things off my plate without me offering id kick him straight out. I don't want to eat at high speed in case my food gets stolen!

My DP went to boarding school from 7 and he doesn’t do shit like this!

I'm not convinced by the gaslighting theory yet it's more like he genuinely doesn't think he's doing anything wrong and it's only a problem because I'm choosing to get stressed over it

I think you've just demonstrated how effectively he is gaslighting you!
No-one who has been brought up to socialise half decently with other people would ever think that there is nothing wrong with taking someone's food .
The recent escaltion might be a grief reaction but he should still realise that it is wrong, even if he can't control himslef

it's only a problem because I'm choosing to get stressed over it

😂

Twas ever thus.

He's always done the "schoolboyish" grabbing things for himself.

And would he only do this with you? Or with his friends and family? With his boss?

Because if this behaviour is just for you OP, it's definitely deliberate and abusive.

Get him to the doctor