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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

He says I'm weird about food.

245 replies

Russet56 · 13/05/2018 13:09

My husband has a habit of eating any food he happens across, raw ingredients are usually safe from him but any food that can be eaten straight from the fridge or cupboard is fair game. He says it's just food, it's meant to be eaten, I can always buy more and if I object I'm "being weird about it". Thing is it's very often something I've bought for a specific reason. Matters came to a head yesterday because I'd bought some Manchego cheese for a recipe I was making, he knew this because he commented that I don't often buy Manchego and I told him what it was for. When I went to get it from the fridge he'd removed the waxy rind and put it back in the packaging but the cheese was gone, he freely admitted eating it and could see nothing wrong with it. Putting the packaging back is one of the things he does, I'm always finding empty packets carefully put back in place.

He's always been what I would call competitive about food in a schoolboyish kind of way. Stuff like eating his dinner as fast as possible then helping himself off my plate. I've tried giving him ever bigger and bigger portions but he still does this. If he asks for a bite of my sandwich he'll cram the whole thing in his mouth, if I don't give him any he says I'm hoarding and "being weird about food" Mostly I'm just hungry! I don't begrudge him the food if he really needs it but it's frustrating to plan a meal then find I can't cook it in quite the way I intended because he's eaten some crucial ingredient. Or knowing that I bought some biscuits that morning but going to the tin in the afternoon and being faced with the empty packet. AIBU?

OP posts:
maxthemartian · 13/05/2018 14:33

Dietcoke it's absolutely not what men do!
That's some seriously low standards there.

Elphame · 13/05/2018 14:33

I'm getting more and more astonished by the behaviour women are prepared to put up with in their partners.

Jozxyqk · 13/05/2018 14:33

Was he always like this, & if so, I'm confused why you married him? It's incredibly unattractive & speaks of either a general arrogance & disregard for the feelings of others, or of a specific dislike for you. Does he behave like this with other people?

Thisnamechanger · 13/05/2018 14:35

stuff like eating his dinner as fast as possible then helping himself off my plate. I've tried giving him ever bigger and bigger portions but he still does this. If he asks for a bite of my sandwich he'll cram the whole thing in his mouth

Oh my god I would kill him. Just reading that made my blood boil. Selfish arse.

Celticlassie · 13/05/2018 14:35

I honestly think I might punch my DH if he took food off my plate. That's appalling behaviour, OP, and definitely not normal, or excusable. It's selfish and greedy.

Jozxyqk · 13/05/2018 14:39

And no, it's not "what men with big appetites do". My DH is a very large tall man with an appetite to match (he's over a foot taller than me). He'd never dream of taking food from my plate, or even asking, even if he'd finished & wanted more. He waits until I'm done & I offer it to him, or I might offer him some as we begin if we're out somewhere & I can see my portion size is too large. It's massively rude to assume!

SamHeughansLeftEyebrow · 13/05/2018 14:40

DH used to eat ingredients I had bought for recipes. The difference is that once I pointed it out, he stopped doing it. Now, if he finds something different in the fridge, he will check if it is earmarked for something. That is normal.

What your DH is doing is many things - greedy, selfish, controlling, disgusting, unhealthy, unreasonable, to name but a few.

Nothing to do with having a large appetite. I will offer up my leftovers to my DH if I can't finish. Sometimes he takes it, sometimes he doesn't. Again, that is normal.

I could not live with someone like your DH. As for all the suggestions to eat separately etc. I could not live like that either.

Sparklesocks · 13/05/2018 14:42

dietcoke your husband eats your food before you’ve finished and scoffs your entire sandwich in his mouth if you offer him a bite? If you buy special ingredients for a specific meal he eats them before you have a chance to cook it?

Yeah..perfectly normal.

Bluntness100 · 13/05/2018 14:42

I'm really shocked any one could be so conditioned to think this is what men with big appetites do. I know some big lads who eat a lot, they would never dream of doing this.

Sounds like that poster was brought up in a family where this occurred. Sadly, and then married a man who decided to treat her the same.

Men with big appetites simply don't do it.

BreakfastAtSquiffanys · 13/05/2018 14:43

Someone in your house is very weird about food.
Hint - it's not you.

Ellie56 · 13/05/2018 14:43

Definitely not normal behaviour OP. He is a greedy immature twat.Why are you with him?

bakingdemon · 13/05/2018 14:43

He's very very selfish. Does he ever help with food preparation or cooking or do you do it all?

Do you talk through menus for the week ahead together or do the shopping together? That might show him what's needed for specific meals and what is fair game in the fridge.

Lindy2 · 13/05/2018 14:44

You're not weird but he is very rude.

I'd suggest moving your plate out of his reach and telling him you are still eating your food if he tries to help himself.
I'd also ask him to go to the shops to to replace the ingredients he has eaten. If he foesn't don't prepare that meal. He can make himself a sandwich instead.
I'd probably also place all the carefully replaced empty wrappers into somewhere like his car or briefcase until he learns to use the bin.

NoSquirrels · 13/05/2018 14:44

It's over familiarity and it's not showing consideration for others, buts that's just men selfish greedy people

Fixed that for you.

BlackAmericanoNoSugar · 13/05/2018 14:50

This is weird and worrying. He's doing things that he knows will wind you up and then using your annoyance against you to make you feel in the wrong.

Can you stop caring about what he thinks? So when he calls you weird say "I don't think I'm the weird one but, if I am, I like the weird that I am so if you want me to keep shopping and cooking for you you'll need to adapt to it."

If he eats the manchego just don't cook anything on the night that you had intended to make that recipe. Eat by yourself on the way home from work, or before he gets home from work if you're in before him. Ignore complaints. If you don't get to eat the biscuits/treats that you buy, then don't buy any at all or buy one at a time and keep in your handbag until you want to eat it. Ignore comments/complaints.

On the whole though any method that you use to deal with it day to day is just rearranging deck chairs while the Titanic goes down. You need to be aware that it's his problem, it's possibly manipulation/abuse and consider what your alternatives are if he won't address his own behaviour.

Katedotness1963 · 13/05/2018 14:50

Bolting food so fast it can't be enjoyable just to take half of yours is weird! Honestly, if he did that to me I'd watch until he got close to finishing his then tip salt or pepper on mine to make it inedible. It's not like you're going to get to eat it anyway.

RainbowGlitterFairy · 13/05/2018 14:53

@Dietcokebreak1 you might not eat all your food and its fine to ask if anyone wants the rest but you can see the difference between that and taking food OP wants right?

It is not just what men do, your brother does it because your dad does it and like you he thinks its normal. You put up with it from DH because its what you grew up with. There are a lot of things I put down to that just being how men are because my mum always put up with it from my Dad so my brothers started copying. There is a reason children who grow up witnessing abuse are more likely to end up in abusive relationships.

BlueJava · 13/05/2018 14:54

He sounds the weird one about food. However, if that's his only fault I wouldn't make a big thing of it. In all seriousness you might consider if this happens because he didn't have much growing up. I also have food disappear from the fridge regularly, mostly because of 2 teenagers! I have resorted to the odd post it note "Don't eat - for recipe" and usually they comply :)

Slitherout · 13/05/2018 14:55

Definitely not "what men do" and YANBU. Two of my family work in construction and have legendary appetites, don't think there's a packet of anything big enough that one of them can't finish in one sitting tbh! But they would NEVER dream of cramming someone's whole sandwich into their gob even with permission, would respect 'spoken for' food and would polish of everyone's leftovers but only when they were categorically leftover and they'd asked!!! What OP is describing is nothing to do with having a big appetite, it's just control and does not need to be tolerated.

BastardMs · 13/05/2018 14:56

I'd consider it a pretty serious fault. If he wasn't using food to control the op, what would he use instead?

odig · 13/05/2018 14:57

I can't even imagine anyone doing this, and I grew up with four ratbag brothers.

Why do you let him have a bite of your sandwich if you know what will happen?

If he says you're weird about food, say 'Yes I am, so back off or I will stab your hand with this fork'.
.

seventh · 13/05/2018 14:58

He sounds HORRIBLE

I'd get locks for the fridge/cupboards and tell him to fuck off

Juells · 13/05/2018 15:00

wonders where the OP has wandered off to

PositivelyPERF · 13/05/2018 15:00

Where are you OP?

  1. Is packing his bags.
  1. Has done her husband in and currently burying him under patio. (Don’t worry OP,
you’ll have loads of witnesses to give you an alibi. You were at a Mumsnet all you can eat buffet)
  1. The zombie apocalypse has started and she’s eaten the greedy wanker.
Realistica · 13/05/2018 15:04

dietcoke your husband eats your food before you’ve finished and scoffs your entire sandwich in his mouth if you offer him a bite? If you buy special ingredients for a specific meal he eats them before you have a chance to cook it?

This. Dietcoke do you really think you're the only person here who has a father or husband with a big appetite? Yet you're the only person saying it's normal... Probably means it's not!