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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

He says I'm weird about food.

245 replies

Russet56 · 13/05/2018 13:09

My husband has a habit of eating any food he happens across, raw ingredients are usually safe from him but any food that can be eaten straight from the fridge or cupboard is fair game. He says it's just food, it's meant to be eaten, I can always buy more and if I object I'm "being weird about it". Thing is it's very often something I've bought for a specific reason. Matters came to a head yesterday because I'd bought some Manchego cheese for a recipe I was making, he knew this because he commented that I don't often buy Manchego and I told him what it was for. When I went to get it from the fridge he'd removed the waxy rind and put it back in the packaging but the cheese was gone, he freely admitted eating it and could see nothing wrong with it. Putting the packaging back is one of the things he does, I'm always finding empty packets carefully put back in place.

He's always been what I would call competitive about food in a schoolboyish kind of way. Stuff like eating his dinner as fast as possible then helping himself off my plate. I've tried giving him ever bigger and bigger portions but he still does this. If he asks for a bite of my sandwich he'll cram the whole thing in his mouth, if I don't give him any he says I'm hoarding and "being weird about food" Mostly I'm just hungry! I don't begrudge him the food if he really needs it but it's frustrating to plan a meal then find I can't cook it in quite the way I intended because he's eaten some crucial ingredient. Or knowing that I bought some biscuits that morning but going to the tin in the afternoon and being faced with the empty packet. AIBU?

OP posts:
Sweetieknots · 13/05/2018 13:47

I think he has some serious psychological issues about food and is projecting them onto you.

It’s typical narcissist/controlling behaviour - he’s talking about himself when he talks about you: he’s odd and weird and lacks self control but cant face this, so he makes out its you who is “weird”

Do you have children together?

Inertia · 13/05/2018 13:48

He's the one that's weird with food.

Anyone helping themselves from my plate would not be eating with me again. My husband made that mistake once, I made it very clear how disrespectful it is to take food from someone else's plate (whether they are adults or children)- and he hasn't done it since, because he isn't a complete knob.

Putting empty packets back is lazy, childish, spiteful or a combination of the three.

And eating meal ingredients and forcing you to buy more is a way of controlling you and putting you in your place- he is the man of the house, he will do as he pleases whether or not it makes more work/ expense for you , and you will run along to the shops to replace the stuff you need to cook the man's dinner. Again, I wouldn't be cooking for him.

JessicaJonesJacket · 13/05/2018 13:50

How odd. Is he controlling, disrespectful, selfish and greedy in other areas of your life or just about food?

Ryder63 · 13/05/2018 13:50

Really, really weird. As pps have said - he has severe issues with food, or is using food as a form of control over you. Needs sorting either way.

TheStoic · 13/05/2018 13:52

Have you posted about this before, OP. It sounds very familiar.

kateandme · 13/05/2018 13:52

i think there is a line isn't there.you cant blame people for eating stuff that is there to be eaten afterall.but there is a swtich in your head when with others that considers there needs to.
this sounds like something a mother would complain about an 8 year old boy.just going and eating everything not caring who might come along and want some.
have you had it out with him.
or if this is his way then making sure if yo ubuy cheese in for a recipe you tell him."oi no cheese please I want it for Tuesdays tea"

Bluntness100 · 13/05/2018 13:52

I'd have to agree, it's deeply unattractive behaviour.

Cramming your sandwich in their mouth
Cramming food in their mouth so they could have your dinner too
Eating food earmarked for something else then carefully and secretively putting the empty wrappings back for you to find and be disappointed
Telling you it's you and not them.

It's really not normal. And to think he's an adult. It's greed on a whole new level.

IwantedtobeEmmaPeel · 13/05/2018 13:53

He is the one being weird about food and going to the trouble of putting back the packaging to hide the fact that he has eaten the food is very odd. I also wonder if he grew up without enough food which might explain why he eats everything he can get his hands on. Either way his behaviour is massively disrespectful to you & if he tried to take food from my plate his fingers would be impaled by my fork. Does he have any redeeming qualities? If not I would be considering if I wanted to live this way.

viques · 13/05/2018 13:53

He has a very unhealthy attitude towards food, and I think as others have said he is gas lighting you.

Are you in touch with his family? Do they all behave like this? He sounds like a woman I know who was very controlling , one of the ways she controlled the children was by literally counting out food and allocating it between them , two pieces of bread per person for example, no matter that the people were different sizes and had different appetites , the result was that anything left momentarily on a plate was snatched and eaten, and they watched portion sizes like hawks . She complained to me once that a university student who was lodging with them on an exchange visit had helped herself to an apple from the fruit bowl and had thus ruined her entire weeks meal planning! Mealtimes were a nightmare. I stopped going to the house because I couldn't bear the tension.

AnnieAnoniMouser · 13/05/2018 13:53

It’s childish, greedy, selfish and highly unsexy. It’s not just about food.

How did you get as far as getting married to him?

I’d have a very serious talk to him about his attitude and tell him he needs to address it or I’d be filing for divorce.

eddielizzard · 13/05/2018 13:54

v immature. and unattractive.

Mummyoflittledragon · 13/05/2018 13:57

Stop cooking for him.
Buy only raw ingredients and enough for you. Hide as much as possible.
If you do cook food for him, eat yours first, plate his up and put a load of salt, laxative or COD liver oil etc in it.

Vile man.

NoSquirrels · 13/05/2018 13:57

Does he have past issues with food? A childhood whete he was t allowed what be a antes/had to compete?

Because he sounds deeply odd.

Returning packaging with nothing in it - either misguidedly trying to cover tracks/guilt or because he’s a lazy arse and can’t locate a bin by himself.

Eating your whole sandwich if offered a bite - WTF? And complaining about you hoarding - classic redirection.

Have words. And stab his fingers with your fork if he so much as approaches your plate.

TemptressofWaikiki · 13/05/2018 14:00

Wow! I would not be able to put up with this weirdo. That for me would be a dealbreaker and I would kick him out.

Lonesurvivor · 13/05/2018 14:00

His behaviour isn't normal.

BastardMs · 13/05/2018 14:01

He sounds vile. Totally not normal behaviour.

As for the poster who made the overweight comment. Have a word with yourself, rude as fuck.

madja · 13/05/2018 14:04

What a pig.
My 11 year old nicks food (and gets into trouble for it) but that's cos he's 11, and doesn't always think things through. Because he's 11, not a grown man.

Thehop · 13/05/2018 14:04

Your husband is a fucking weirdo. Send him to an all you can eat buffet to occupy him whilst you pack him a bag. I couldn’t love with a giant toddler.

Eolian · 13/05/2018 14:04

He sounds like a total twat. What is his justification for putting empty packets back in the fridge?! It sounds like more than weirdness with food tbh. It sounds like he's also deliberately doing it to piss you off, if he knew the manchego was for something specific.

PattiStanger · 13/05/2018 14:05

He sounds awful, I would find ot hard to put up with someone like that

ThumbWitchesAbroad · 13/05/2018 14:06

He's an utter twat and this would annoy the arse off me.
My husband is a human labrador - if any of us is eating anything he will bound up to us and say "that looks nice, can I have some?" [no!]
I buy supplies on a need basis - but he will think nothing of tucking into the stuff I've bought for the boys' lunches. Doesn't cross his mind to ever replace it, either.
But he's not as bad as yours!

OliviaStabler · 13/05/2018 14:07

Sounds like he has deep seated issues that come out in relation to food. That behaviour is not normal. He needs help.

maras2 · 13/05/2018 14:09

worra
Grin
Nailed it as usual.
Neither DH, adult kids,DGC's or pets would dream of doing this.
Rude, disrespectful and downright greedy. Shock
Do his family and friends know that he does this?

Cornishclio · 13/05/2018 14:09

No, he is weird. Eating food and putting empty packaging back is annoying and asking for a bite of your sandwich?? What is that all about? Inconsiderate, greedy and selfish. I would be telling him to replace the cheese.

diddl · 13/05/2018 14:09

"Stuff like eating his dinner as fast as possible then helping himself off my plate. "

Whaaat??? Helping himself from your plate? I've never known anyone to do this.

"If he asks for a bite of my sandwich he'll cram the whole thing in his mouth, if I don't give him any he says I'm hoarding and "being weird about food""

Again-whaaat??

So if your hoarding/weird for not "sharing" your meals after he has finished his-wtf does that make him?? Other than greedy & nasty?