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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

He says I'm weird about food.

245 replies

Russet56 · 13/05/2018 13:09

My husband has a habit of eating any food he happens across, raw ingredients are usually safe from him but any food that can be eaten straight from the fridge or cupboard is fair game. He says it's just food, it's meant to be eaten, I can always buy more and if I object I'm "being weird about it". Thing is it's very often something I've bought for a specific reason. Matters came to a head yesterday because I'd bought some Manchego cheese for a recipe I was making, he knew this because he commented that I don't often buy Manchego and I told him what it was for. When I went to get it from the fridge he'd removed the waxy rind and put it back in the packaging but the cheese was gone, he freely admitted eating it and could see nothing wrong with it. Putting the packaging back is one of the things he does, I'm always finding empty packets carefully put back in place.

He's always been what I would call competitive about food in a schoolboyish kind of way. Stuff like eating his dinner as fast as possible then helping himself off my plate. I've tried giving him ever bigger and bigger portions but he still does this. If he asks for a bite of my sandwich he'll cram the whole thing in his mouth, if I don't give him any he says I'm hoarding and "being weird about food" Mostly I'm just hungry! I don't begrudge him the food if he really needs it but it's frustrating to plan a meal then find I can't cook it in quite the way I intended because he's eaten some crucial ingredient. Or knowing that I bought some biscuits that morning but going to the tin in the afternoon and being faced with the empty packet. AIBU?

OP posts:
DarthArts · 13/05/2018 14:10

I honestly don't read this as being about food at all.

Rather it's him using food as a mechanism to assert his domination and control over the OP which is actually far more concerning.

I'll bet he doesn't steal food off his mates plates when they go for a meal.

I'll bet he doesn't fridge raid when staying with friends and return empty packets to the shelves.

He knows this behaviour isn't acceptable and can control it. Yet he gas lights his wife into thinking it's her issue.

In other words his behaviour is targeted on the OP so you have to ask why he's doing it and the only explanation isn't that he has a food disorder it's that he has a personality disorder.

AdoraBell · 13/05/2018 14:11

Re the asking you for your food/bite of a sandwich I would serve him his food and then take my food to another room to eat in peace. If that didn’t work I would eat first, then tell him food is ready.

Iloveacurry · 13/05/2018 14:14

Sounds like he’s the one with a problem with food! And putting empty packaging back, what is that about? He sounds like an arse.

Dietcokebreak1 · 13/05/2018 14:16

I think people are really going over the top with this.

My husband does these things, so does my dad and brother. That's just what men with big appetites do. Its not a mental problem or bullying or disrespect. It's over familiarity and it's not showing consideration for others, buts that's just men.

I don't have a big appetite and so I have allowed it as I leave most my food anyway. I'm guessing op is the same. If he eats stuff you need just send him to the shop.

happypoobum · 13/05/2018 14:16

He sounds vile. Why do you tolerate this?

Does he do this with other people? His boss?

I couldn't live with someone like this.

Branleuse · 13/05/2018 14:17

That is not just men ffs.
Ive never known a man do this!

ittakes2 · 13/05/2018 14:18

He’s incredibly disrespectful to you and sounds childish

happypoobum · 13/05/2018 14:18

dietcoke You clearly have very low standards.

None of the men in my family would behave like this. Please don't tar all men with the same brush. Most are not as horrid as your family.

Bluntness100 · 13/05/2018 14:18

Actually darth makes a good point, can he control it round others? Is it just you he does this to?

And what do you do when he does it? Why is the behaviour repeating itself? Why can you not stop it, the bits where he eats your food at least? Why don't you kick off about the empty wrappers?

Is he doing it Becayse he knows how upsetting and irritating it is and because he can? Passive agrression?

AdaColeman · 13/05/2018 14:18

Next time you make sandwiches for yourself, make a "special" portion for him but put it on your own plate, fill it with chilli flakes, salt and cayenne pepper.

If that doesn't stop him, try jabbing his hand with a sharp fork when ever he tries to steal food from you.

He is stealing your food to let you know that he is in control of you, and able to dominate you. He sounds really nasty.

Bluntness100 · 13/05/2018 14:19

My husband does these things, so does my dad and brother. That's just what men with big appetites do

God, it's really not, 😱

LilQueenie · 13/05/2018 14:20

he's a gluttonous pig. next time he takes food off your plate stab him with a fork.

PositivelyPERF · 13/05/2018 14:20

That's just what men with big appetites do. Its not a mental problem or bullying or disrespect. It's over familiarity and it's not showing consideration for others, buts that's just men.

Absolute bollocks! My husband had a big appetite, but would never have been greedy and disrespectful like that. Maybe I just expect the men in my life to show curtesy and respect. You should try it.

callmeadoctor · 13/05/2018 14:21

Then he should buy and cook his own food, just buy yourself a sandwich and hide it, then he can buy and eat what he wants (but he sounds awful)

DisturblinglyOrangeScrambleEgg · 13/05/2018 14:21

My husband does these things, so does my dad and brother. That's just what men with big appetites do. Its not a mental problem or bullying or disrespect. It's over familiarity and it's not showing consideration for others, buts that's just men.

Fuck me, no it's not! It's what (at best) inconsiderate, unthinking people do, and at worst, controlling and abusive.

If DP couldn't control himself not to eat stuff that's ear-marked for me, or the kids. If he can't stick to his own plate, if he put the bloody wrappers back rather than dispose of them properly, then he would be taking a hike - that's not acceptable family behaviour (which is 'look behind you' and nicking a chip, not openly eating all of someone's sandwich)

PickAChew · 13/05/2018 14:22

He's a greedy, disrespectful arsehole.

RomeoBunny · 13/05/2018 14:23

He is acting like a child who was brought up filling their pockets at school because there was never any at home.

How have you tolerated it for so long? The empty packets alone would make me dream of shanking him with the cheese rind.

You know he's not normal, right op? Right?

Icklepickle101 · 13/05/2018 14:24

YANBU

DP sometimes does this, I’ll asknif he wants anything in particular from the shop and he will always say no.

I buy plenty of food and snacky items and then he will find things I’ve bought for specific dinners and get arsey when I tell him not to eat them Angry

Honeyroar · 13/05/2018 14:27

Dietcoke it sounds as though you've been trained over the years to accept this disrespectful behaviour and think it's normal. It isn't. This thread, and everyone saying it isn't normal, really ought to make you think. There are many, many respectful, well mannered men in the world who treat women well and equally. Your family are not part of their numbers, by the sound of it.

RomeoBunny · 13/05/2018 14:27

@Dietcokebreak1 your life must be pretty grim to think that's normal behaviour.

It's vulgar. And disgustingly unattractive. Though I guess it might be true women marry their fathers in some cases, if you're being serious.

My Husband would've been out on his arse after 2 weeks of living with me if he was like that.

It is not normal behaviour. At all!

pigsDOfly · 13/05/2018 14:27

I grew up with four brother and a father, I've been married and have a son, my DDs have men in their lives too and have never seen any of these men behave like that, ever.

No, it isn't what men do.

SossidgeRoll · 13/05/2018 14:27

Greed is so unattractive. Tell him that.

ReanimatedSGB · 13/05/2018 14:28

Yes, this is abusive behaviour. There may be an additional, specific issue to do with food - perhaps he was given less than he wanted/needed as a child, perhaps he does have an eating disorder of some kind, but the fact that he chooses to steal food from OP (and it is stealing, to snatch food from someone else's plate, to ask for 'a bite' of their sandwich then eat the whole thing) and taunt her about it shows that it's all about him showing her he is in charge and she must submit to him.

BastardMs · 13/05/2018 14:29

Absolute bloody bollocks that it's what men with big appetites do. God some people really do have low expectations of men don't they. It's what abusive men do and he's using food as a way to abuse the op.

RainbowGlitterFairy · 13/05/2018 14:30

My Dad does this. It is a control thing for him, big important man of the house must have the nicest cheese, best cut of meat, biggest portion of everything. His food must be dished up first too. I hadn't realised quite how much it was about control til I grew up and moved out. All the time I was single he still did when he visited me, hasn't done it since I've been with DH and he doesn't do it at any of my brothers houses.

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