DS1's Dad's Wedding - declined by school

[Idontbelieveinthemoon]

DS1 is in Y7 at High School. His Dad is getting married this year during term time and, obviously, wants DS1 to be there. School have refused the leave of absence request and stated that they expect DS1 to be in attendance on the days he was due to be away (it's a destination wedding so not something I can change, alter or even adapt to suit school; the actual wedding is on a week day and DS1 would be missing the whole of the last week of summer term).

So as not to drip feed DS1 has great attendance, is achieving well and all homework is on time and never gets into trouble. He also has ASD and can suffer from Anxiety at times and has been particularly anxious about being able to attend the wedding.

Am I able to appeal school's decision and challenge this? It seems awfully unfair that they've refused an application for a wedding of an immediate family member; being part of his Dad's wedding is a huge thing for DS1 and I can't see another way through this; he has to go to the wedding, he has to be there as it's his family.

Would it be U to challenge school's decision or is it best to leave it as unauthorised absence and just take the hit when they fine DH and I (they've written to us separately to advise that we'll be fined if he isn't in school on those dates)?

I would appeal but be prepared to accept the fine. This is the type of request that definitely should have been authorised in my opinion. But him being able to attend such a significant family occasion is worth £120 in my book anyway.

You’re right. It’s an entirely ridiculous response from the school. Possibly because it’s a whole week and not just a day. See if you can take it higher but obviously, just go. shakes head

oreo I'm not sure whether it varies by LEA or by school. I know when we attended my DDs open evening (albeit it's one of the top performing schools in the country) the head gave a presentation about expectations from the school, parents and pupils and said no requests for term time absence would ever be allowed. There are a few girls who are on national sports teams and they've been allowed to attend World Championships etc but nothing "social" is ever authorised.

You're at school for Many years in your life. I'm sure a week out is fine. And I don't think the dad should have considered the school term when planning a wedding. It doesn't happen often. Celebrate the happy moments in life. I would appeal and then take the hit if needs be. It's the last week of term, no learning will be done. If he were at private school, they would be already broken up for holidays (assuming this is England)

In my school we would not authorise this absence so it would go down as unauthorised, but we might not fine. In fact I'm pretty certain we would not fine!

Oh that's a positive! The way I read the letter was that there'd be a definite fine if he attended the wedding but perhaps it's not an absolute certainty.

Our Council will not authorise absences for weddings in term time under any circumstances.

I’d just let him go to the wedding and let his Dad pay any resulting fine.

The local authority may have guidance about whether they will issue a fine or not. Ours has a policy of not fining for a one-off period of absence of up to 10 sessions (ie 5 whole days). Very reasonable IMO. Might be worth checking what the policy is in your area.

I think if you kick up a fuss and start appealing then it is much more likely to come under the radar of the LEA so more likely the fine will be issued.

I would just leave it and go

I don't understand why both you and your DH are expected to pay fines if he isn't your DS's father?

I don't think this counts as exceptional circumstances, as it was booked knowingly in term time and couldn't be avoided. Imo exceptional circumstances is normally medical reasons, terminally ill relative, family members only time for leave (army, fire brigade etc.).

If I were you I'd still appeal as like Pp said you haven't got anything to lose, it they still deny then just allow him to go but your ex should cover all the fines.

OP - where I work (secondary Academy) we would note it as an unauthorised absence, but there would be no fine. Just go with that. In all honesty there won't be a problem, but we're under the cosh with attendance data.

I'd just take him out and ask Dad to pay the fine.

Its the last week of school.

If his dad is paying the fine (yours as well as fine is per parent - if you are fined), the I would not worry one jot.

School send out a standard letter 'unauthorised absence', but if neither you or his dad mind, then just do it and forget about it.

His dad pays the fine or he doesn't go. Sorted.

I agree - he can't miss it, take him out and get his Dad to cop the fine if there is one.

The fines are statutory and the leeway is by the LEA. If the LEA guidelines are such there is not much the school can do.

Best case it’s unauthorised and no fine worst case you get fined

Current legislation is quite strict on it though and it would take new government legislation to change it

I don't understand why both you and your DH are expected to pay fines if he isn't your DS's father?

I've had a look on the MSE pages and their version is that the adults who live with DS1 who have PR will be the ones fined, so that would just be me but school have written to DH and I separately advising we'll both be fined. His Dad also has PR but as he isn't the resident parent (and we don't do 50/50 care) he wasn't entitled to put in for the leave of absence.

Let him go and worry about the fine if it comes about.

Last week of the summer term isnt all that important unless you are in the later years secondary.

Yes that is a mistake on the schools part it should be you and his Dad ( it is both parents) but not your DH (I assume he does not have PR) I would complain about that

I'm isn't about whether his fathers wedding is important or not, of course it is, but he could have got married any of the, what 50% (weekends and holidays), that ds is not at school. That's why it shouldn't be authorised; as someone up thread wrote, it isn't a funeral which you can't plan.

They won't authorise it because they can't.
However I'd still make sure he went. You will likely get a fine though. I think it's around £60.
You were too honest through. You should have just kept quiet and said he was sick.

Honesty isn't always the best policy.

it's madness that you all accept such a stupid system anyway. Fines? And people actually pay them? Mental.

I would have said his Dad should be the one dealing with the school. Especially if he didn't bother to check term dates.

I think school may have viewed it differently if it was a day, but a week of authorised absence for a wedding is an unreasonable expectation imo.

Our local authority done fine unless more than 10 sessions are missed though so if yours is similar you may not be fined anyway.

I do think your ex is more to blame than the school though!!

They'd authorise a funeral is always my view, so why not a family wedding?

👀 Umm, you can’t plan when someone dies but you can plan when to have a wedding. There is a huge difference.

Just go anyway.
Schools are SO ridiculous!!

Just send him anyway, but make his dad pay the fine. Everyone wins then.