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AIBU?

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Original poster

DS1's Dad's Wedding - declined by school

372 replies

Idontbelieveinthemoon · 12/05/2018 10:53

DS1 is in Y7 at High School. His Dad is getting married this year during term time and, obviously, wants DS1 to be there. School have refused the leave of absence request and stated that they expect DS1 to be in attendance on the days he was due to be away (it's a destination wedding so not something I can change, alter or even adapt to suit school; the actual wedding is on a week day and DS1 would be missing the whole of the last week of summer term).

So as not to drip feed DS1 has great attendance, is achieving well and all homework is on time and never gets into trouble. He also has ASD and can suffer from Anxiety at times and has been particularly anxious about being able to attend the wedding.

Am I able to appeal school's decision and challenge this? It seems awfully unfair that they've refused an application for a wedding of an immediate family member; being part of his Dad's wedding is a huge thing for DS1 and I can't see another way through this; he has to go to the wedding, he has to be there as it's his family.

Would it be U to challenge school's decision or is it best to leave it as unauthorised absence and just take the hit when they fine DH and I (they've written to us separately to advise that we'll be fined if he isn't in school on those dates)?

OP posts:
Tartyflette · 12/05/2018 13:27

The big problem with this policy is that it does little to address the issue of persistent truanting/school refusers/families struggling at the bottom of the heap/or even those lacking in feck who don't see the point of education (eg 'I hardly ever went to school, never did me any harm' ) .
But it does hit other families who for one reason or another have a legitimate need to take a child out of school in term time, as in this case.
DH was a school governor until recently and the school could not or would not cope with so-called problem families on this issue -- (and indeed such families almost certainly had multiple problems) while it seemed other parents were seen as softer targets. It was almost as if they could offset 'unauthorised absence - fines issued' against 'unauthorised absences by child X of family X - No action, LA concurs'
(I'm not saying the LA should come down hard on such families, far from it -- just that this policy is selectively applied, as we know, and does not address issues which need to be addressed. )
And as for the original post - I wanted to add that although some people have said her DS's father should have chosen a better date for his wedding, he may not have had much leeway, if any, over timing. The OP has already said the father has other children whose terms do not coincide with those of her DS, and there may also be constraints on the bride's side over the date.

frogsoup · 12/05/2018 13:33

@He11y No need to be so bloody rude!! Especially as I was, er, agreeing with you?! I was saying that schools have delusions of grandeur about authorising absences when parents don't care either way.

People are weird on here. Confused

WS12 · 12/05/2018 13:35

Last week of summer term?! I can't believe they refused!! Appeal it, and if they decline it let him go anyway. He will get A LOT more out of the wedding than the last week of summer which will be toys DVDs and time fillers!

WS12 · 12/05/2018 13:36

Oh I see year 7 - maybe not toys but you get the idea! I can't believe they refused that's crazy xxx

Sprinklesinmyelbow · 12/05/2018 13:43

How on Earth are schools able to get ASBOs for parents missing schools? How is that even possible?

wonderstar1216 · 12/05/2018 13:44

I've got a feeling it's per parent per day so will be quite a fine! £120x5!?

Willow2017 · 12/05/2018 13:45

lonicera
Ours are on holiday first week in july so nope they dont do any work last week of june as they finish 27th June (wed)😉
And yes all they do is watch films (sometimes to do with the subject sometimes not) or play games and thats high school.
Not all schools are the same.

Rookie op has already said her ex has other children in another area so she believes he planned wedding round thier hols not realising schools have different hols in other areas.

Vangoghsear · 12/05/2018 13:49

From the school's perspective the wedding could just as easily have been organised in the summer holidays. You would be highly unlikely to win an appeal.

saison4 · 12/05/2018 13:54

ridiculous. Just take him out and suck up the fine. not worth getting wound up about it. Some schools are stupidity strict. I cannot even get a couple of days authorised for my DD with severe ASD to take her away when it is quite. My friend who has DC with ASD gets 2 weeks authorised without issue (same LA, different school). Just shows how random this decisions are.

Hope your DS has a good week. Let this one go - not a battle worth having over a few pound.

He11y · 12/05/2018 13:54

@frogsoup Sorry, my mistake, I thought you were saying I have illusions of grandeur! Flowers

MaisyPops · 12/05/2018 13:56

It's a bit much that his Dad booked a destination wedding during term time essenyially so he can have a cheap holiday and now says he won't pay towards any fines. What a charmer.

In terms of no learning done, it does my head in when schools allow staff to have doss lessons and stick films on. I'm all for keeping an eye on term time absence, but schools lose the high ground if they stop actually teaching.

diddl · 12/05/2018 14:11

"If a parent's wedding isn't exceptional circumstances, what is?"

Maybe it's that a week is needed?

SnookieSnooks · 12/05/2018 14:12

The school is being ridiculous denying him the opportunity to go to his own Dad’s wedding. Of course he has to go.

He is obviously not going to miss any important work, but he will of course reduce the school’s attendance figures. If the overall figure for all children falls below 95%, it’s bad for the school.

altiara · 12/05/2018 14:19

Didn’t think they still looked at attendance figures in the last week of term! At least at our primary school, the end of year report comes out with attendance figures and I’m sure my DS got a 100% attendance prize before we took DCs out for 3 days for a family wedding (booked around my SILs DCs school dates and they finished earlier than our DCs). DCs were quite cross as they missed watching films and the Y6 musical and all sorts of stuff that wasn’t work!

Have to say I’m worried about taking DCs out of school for another family wedding in the FIRST week of term - I’m imagining lots of bad attendance letters coming saying (after 3 days) they’re at only 66% attendance.

myfriendbob · 12/05/2018 14:20

The school is being ridiculous denying him the opportunity to go to his own Dad’s wedding

They aren't denying him anything.

flumpybear · 12/05/2018 14:26

I think your husband should have booked it out of school term time, and no school shouldn't let him take it off as dad should think a bit more before organising his wedding day

myfriendbob · 12/05/2018 14:28

her husband had nothing to do with booking her exs wedding Hmm ans school can't stop them doing anything

kateandme · 12/05/2018 14:30

phone on the day have waved your boy off to enjoy dads wedding.
"hes ill" end of.of course he should be there.

MaisyPops · 12/05/2018 14:42

The school is being ridiculous denying him the opportunity to go to his own Dad’s wedding
They aren't denying him anything.

The dad put having a cheaper holiday first and is refusing to pay any fines that get issued as a result of his decisions. The arse in all of this is the boy's father.

(For what it's worth, I think children at primary should be entitled to a week authorised holiday on the understanding that they have to catch up or accept they've missed stuff).

CalF123 · 12/05/2018 14:50

@MaisyPops

Come off it, the ex isn't being an "arse" for arranging a wedding in his DS's last week of term in Year 7. If he'd arranged it during GCSEs, then he'd be an arse.

HappyStripper · 12/05/2018 14:52

This is really surprising as my brother got over a week off to come to my wedding last year (My DH is from the states so I was moving here and the wedding was here). He was also in year 9 and it was right before exam week so probably a much more inconvenient time than a year 7 who would otherwise be sat doing crosswords.

To those saying a wedding should be planned around holidays and such as it isn’t an “exceptional circumstance”, there’s a lot that goes into the decision beyond term times. For us it was highly related to immigration (we had to get married within 3 months of me entering) and also as it was in Texas there was no way we could do it in the British summer holidays unless I planned on wearing a bikini and conducting the ceremony in his parents’ pool.

myfriendbob · 12/05/2018 14:57

The dad put having a cheaper holiday first and is refusing to pay any fines that get issued as a result of his decisions. The arse in all of this is the boy's father

You might want to stop making shit up. OP clearly says that not only does she think Dad didn;t realise he would still be in school ,there is also no problem with him paying any fines, no arguing about any of that. So chill and put your bias away.

MaisyPops · 12/05/2018 14:59

CalF123
He is.

He made a decision to book a holiday (yes the wedding is part of it but you don't need a week in the sun to get married) during term time.

Schools are very clear about attendance and holidays in term time (regardless of what we may think about those rules).

He has left it to the child's mother to sort the holiday application out.

He has decided he will not be paying any fine if one is issued.

So he knows the rules, chooses not to follow them and expects his ex (the child's mother) to sort it all out for him and potentially end up paying for fines caused by his decision.

He's an arse.

myfriendbob · 12/05/2018 15:00

You're still just making shit up!

somanyfeministsthesedays · 12/05/2018 15:00

If you receive a fine it would be £60 per parent. I would get your ex to pay both if a fine is issued. I took my child out of school for a week, the days I requested got denied, I still took him and never got a fine.