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AIBU?

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Original poster

DS1's Dad's Wedding - declined by school

372 replies

Idontbelieveinthemoon · 12/05/2018 10:53

DS1 is in Y7 at High School. His Dad is getting married this year during term time and, obviously, wants DS1 to be there. School have refused the leave of absence request and stated that they expect DS1 to be in attendance on the days he was due to be away (it's a destination wedding so not something I can change, alter or even adapt to suit school; the actual wedding is on a week day and DS1 would be missing the whole of the last week of summer term).

So as not to drip feed DS1 has great attendance, is achieving well and all homework is on time and never gets into trouble. He also has ASD and can suffer from Anxiety at times and has been particularly anxious about being able to attend the wedding.

Am I able to appeal school's decision and challenge this? It seems awfully unfair that they've refused an application for a wedding of an immediate family member; being part of his Dad's wedding is a huge thing for DS1 and I can't see another way through this; he has to go to the wedding, he has to be there as it's his family.

Would it be U to challenge school's decision or is it best to leave it as unauthorised absence and just take the hit when they fine DH and I (they've written to us separately to advise that we'll be fined if he isn't in school on those dates)?

OP posts:
WTFiswrongwithpeople · 13/05/2018 19:47

Your DS’s dad did no wrong booking a wedding a week before summer holidays as some have suggested.... He probably saved himself, guests, family etc a fortune and not to mention avoided overcrowding! People are too precious about taking time off school especially a week before end of school year. WTF is that all about?!

Anyway I digress.... I’d challenge it purely for the reason if more people did, they might start thinking about shoving these stupid rules up the proverbial.

theSnuffster · 13/05/2018 19:47

I'd let him go anyway. It's his dad's wedding, he should be there.

I know it's slightly different but my children had a day off authorised for their aunts wedding- the reply stated that they'd authorise it because they had roles in the ceremony so I'm glad I wrote that in the request letter!

rookiemere · 13/05/2018 19:48

WTF - did you actually read the post where the OP explained that actually her ASD DS did appreciate the run down in the last week as it helped him transition to the long summer holidays ? But yes totally without value more important that DF gets his cheapie wedding.

mumof3boys33 · 13/05/2018 20:08

Our primary did the same for their big sisters wedding. To be fair the wedding was on the sat morn at 10am. But with a good 4 hour drive we decided to leave on the Friday as it was the last day of half term (October) The primary School said no. But the secondary school said it was fine and to enjoy the wedding.
I just took them out anyway. I know it’s a standard letter they send out to everyone. We don’t get fines at our school though.

TT10677 · 13/05/2018 20:12

Take him out and don’t worry about it. It’s a nonsense anyway. Who knows best what’s right for him. You or a jumped up policy...Grin

ClaireAnne1976 · 13/05/2018 20:21

Sorry but the dad was really selfish and unthoughtful to book his wedding during term time. You can’t moan at the school or anyone else. Put simply your child should be in school in term. If you decide to take them out it’s on your head.
I think the dad was a dick for putting a child with anxiety that position.

jacknutter · 13/05/2018 20:38

He has kids, he knows the term dates, he knows the regulations, he chooses to get married in term time, why?

WTFiswrongwithpeople · 13/05/2018 20:38

Sorry Rookie no, I only read about the bit how he was anxious about wanting to be there for his dads wedding.... Was DF aware of this before he booked his ‘cheapie’ wedding?
🙄

Piwi1625 · 13/05/2018 20:52

Just do it! if we had to listen to dictatorship of these schools we wouldn't go anywhere! for instance Easter hols my kids have different holidays which mean no one would ever be able to go away if we listened to them.

nocoolnamesleft · 13/05/2018 21:02

I think the school should have authorised off 1 day. The day of the wedding itself. After all, it isn't the school's fault that the eejit has booked a destination wedding in term time...

Tessabelle1 · 13/05/2018 21:07

I'd appeal and ask for the work that's being done that week to be sent home. In my experience that week is used to clear crap accumulated through the year and to play dvds and board games so I'd not be expecting much to do over the summer! Good luck

ShesAYamEater · 13/05/2018 21:07

the teachers on this thread have all said its madness

id just have the most terrible case of D&V ever and you obviously dont want to risk infecting the whole school!

the pressure on kids at school in this country is bloody madness

take him to the wedding and sod it - tell them he is ill and let them be arsed to prove otherwise.

LaraLondon1 · 13/05/2018 21:10

I wouldn’t get urself stressed about it . You could get his dad to appeal and regardless take him out anyway. Let dad sort a fine .

Loki1983 · 13/05/2018 21:16

I have already commented but can’t believe the vitriol that has been posted since. I am a teacher so I understand the issue. Stop stressing and take ur kid out of school for his Father’s wedding!

MumofBoysx2 · 13/05/2018 21:33

Appeal, definitely! Not allowing a child to have time to go to his Dad's wedding is totally unfair and downright unreasonable.

ClaireAnne1976 · 13/05/2018 21:41

Don’t appeal. Don’t do anything. It’s not your job, it’s the idiot dad who selfishly booked a wedding in term times job!
I do think there is a nanny state and if a sensible parent with a legitimate reason wants to take their child out of school they should be able to. However that isn’t the case so you know the rules and need to follow them.

GladAllOver · 13/05/2018 21:53

Appeal, definitely! Not allowing a child to have time to go to his Dad's wedding is totally unfair and downright unreasonable.

But it's not just a wedding, is it? It's a week's holiday. If the wedding was a local one you may be sure the school would happily agree to a day off .

FaveNumberIs2 · 13/05/2018 22:08

@ClaireAnne1976

Why is it the 'selfish dad's' fault?

You can't expect a whole wedding to be arranged around the the groom's DC. Does the new bride and her family not get a say? Does the church/registry office/wherever have to cancel someone else's wedding in the holidays just to comply with this groom's son's school, from another country? Or maybe it was the only time the groom or bride could get time off work??

For whatever reasons, the wedding is taking place on that date, in another country, which just happens to coincide with the last week of school before the summer break, a week where the kids will be doing no work at all, and will probably finish early on Friday anyway, in fact, many schools chuck in an inset day so they might even finish early on Thursday.

What's the problem? It's not a holiday, it's his father's wedding!

Hollyboobieboo · 13/05/2018 22:10

Just say he is sick. If they’re going to be that pathetic, they don’t deserve your honesty.

jwpetal · 13/05/2018 22:17

I had to take my children out of school for a family emergency and I was told that the council is notified at 85% attendance. That is 2 weeks off. This is automatic notification. If your son has good attendance, then this should be a factor. I would also challenge the school to find out what he will be missing. Perhaps he could do extra work before he leaves or write a journal on the experience. Otherwise, take the hit as he will need this experience to help with his familial relations and that is very important.

amistillsexy · 13/05/2018 22:19

Before I appealed or paid any fines, I'd be asking school to give me a full breakdown of every Learning objective (or whatever dumbfuck hame they're calling it this week) each teacher will be teaching in each class of that week, right up to the final bell of the summer term, and I'd ask for a written assurance that each and every second of that week will be filled with meaningful learning opportunities.
It's bollocks that the final weeks/days of term are totally wasted and given over to crappy assemblies, colouring in and watching videos on smart boards, yet woe betide anyone who wants to give their kid an actual, real life experience Angry

AnneElliott · 13/05/2018 22:23

I agree with just sending him op. I refused to ask permission when I took DS out (rarely). I would notify the school and it was up to them if was authorised if not, but I had no intention of actually seeking permission.

Dauphinois · 13/05/2018 22:38

In my school we would not authorise this absence so it would go down as unauthorised, but we might not fine. In fact I'm pretty certain we would not fine!

But it's not the schools choice who gets fined - the LA decide that. Schools should refer ALL incidences of unauthorised absence to the LA, not pick and choose which ones they fancy referring.

The decision whether to fine is not decided by the school.

Loandbeholdagain · 13/05/2018 22:43

So ridiculous! I’d appeal. If nothing more it would make me feel better.

ASauvignonADay · 13/05/2018 22:58

The decision whether to fine is not decided by the school.
Yes it is. At least in academies - unsure about LA schools (might then be decided by EWS).

I work in an academy and decide whether to authorise and whether to fine.