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Original poster

DS1's Dad's Wedding - declined by school

372 replies

Idontbelieveinthemoon · 12/05/2018 10:53

DS1 is in Y7 at High School. His Dad is getting married this year during term time and, obviously, wants DS1 to be there. School have refused the leave of absence request and stated that they expect DS1 to be in attendance on the days he was due to be away (it's a destination wedding so not something I can change, alter or even adapt to suit school; the actual wedding is on a week day and DS1 would be missing the whole of the last week of summer term).

So as not to drip feed DS1 has great attendance, is achieving well and all homework is on time and never gets into trouble. He also has ASD and can suffer from Anxiety at times and has been particularly anxious about being able to attend the wedding.

Am I able to appeal school's decision and challenge this? It seems awfully unfair that they've refused an application for a wedding of an immediate family member; being part of his Dad's wedding is a huge thing for DS1 and I can't see another way through this; he has to go to the wedding, he has to be there as it's his family.

Would it be U to challenge school's decision or is it best to leave it as unauthorised absence and just take the hit when they fine DH and I (they've written to us separately to advise that we'll be fined if he isn't in school on those dates)?

OP posts:
TurquoiseDress · 12/05/2018 17:27

Yes you may as well appeal/challenge the decision, it sounds as if you both are resigned to paying the fine in any case.

How much stuff actually gets done in the last week of summer term??
I can vaguely remember having a lot of fun for the last few weeks or.

Doesn't seem like he'll miss out on a great deal academically, more likely the fun/end of term activities.

Destination wedding should great!

TurquoiseDress · 12/05/2018 17:28

*sounds great!

OuaisMaisBon · 12/05/2018 17:28

2gorgeousboys - now that is completely reasonable behaviour Grin

TurquoiseDress · 12/05/2018 17:33

Out of curiosity, how much is the fine when you have unauthorised absence?

Have no personal experience of this (yet)

Are we talking 50 quid or hundreds? how do they enforce the fine?

Ohmydayslove · 12/05/2018 17:33

Last week before summer hols. Nothing meaningful done in the vast majority of schools of any age.

Ridiculous rules that only impact on poorer parents.

Middle class ones can afforded to holiday in the school hols or pay the fine and rich parents use private ed so doesn’t apply.

Utter bollocks.

youarenotkiddingme · 12/05/2018 17:34

You are handling this brilliantly OP. Very sensible with regards what's best for your DS and maintaining good relations with the school. (My ds also has asd and similar age so I get that!)

With regards schools authorising - I think they have compete carte Blanche.
My ds was rang in sick and informed school he was attending a GO apt that day due to illness (the truth!) however as it was MH illness after suicide attempt caused by the school failing to deal with bullying and the illness was a result of bulky pulling a knife on ds in class (I have screenshot of student page where they state they rang to inform me) - they didn't authorise the absence as "ds has no need to be anxious about attending as the big is excluded for 2 days". La told me basically school can decide if they authorise or not. They also then decided to have him educated off site for remainder of his inability to attend - but said they didn't have to provide education for 15 days (term ended then anyway) but it would count as authorised.
Ok then - whatever's best for your stats then Hmm
Ds never returned there!

youarenotkiddingme · 12/05/2018 17:40

Just checked my council website that clearly states it's the Ht decision whether to authorise or not.

So your HT can legally authorise if they choose.

It also says fines can be issued - not WILL.

And the fine is £60.

MaisyPops · 12/05/2018 18:30

Can I just repeat in response to this and other similar phrasesit isn't a whole week of dossing in all secondary schools
It's not in the last few I've worked in.

In fact staff are explicitly told that it is business as normal and SLT usually do learning walks to keep an eye on things.

It pisses me off when students arrive to me bouncing off the walls p4 because p3 Mr Blogs put Up on and gave them sweets.

Metoodear · 12/05/2018 18:59

Send in the cheque with a note saying when he will be back

youarenotkiddingme · 12/05/2018 19:10

Totally agree with maisy ds school don't do the dissing last week of term. Especially for him this year as he starts his yr 10 timetable mid June!

They are beginning to doss somewhat now as KS3 curriculum is ending and teachers are dealing with gcse students! He's loving it Grin
Ps - I actually think right now the year 11 are priority and as year 10 are off on WE for 2 weeks they might as well enjoy being the senior pupils and having a fun time before they're nose to the grindstone 😂

Sidelook · 12/05/2018 19:23

Anyone remember the London teacher who won the Global Teacher award, March 2018? A nice prize to win fair enough. However, she collected her award in Dubai and was there for a few days maybe even a week.It was clearly in term time as her pupils were shown on the tv at their school in uniform congratulating her.
But if parents take their kids out during term time they could face a fine. Double standards at it finest! Obviously it’s a teachers award and they could have made the prize giving take place out of term time!!
So why should your child’s dad have to book his wedding out of time time?

Ohmydayslove · 12/05/2018 20:20

maisy

How sad and what a shame. Not surprised our kids are the unhappiest in Europe and equally not the best educated.

Very fucked up.

Our 6 kids are grown up now and the oldest four have good degrees, good jobs and lives. Youngest 2 uni September.

We always had hols out of school hols as daddy working alternative career.

Best times and best family times and kids still remember. Priceless.

Schools do fuck all last week of summer term and those that say they do are lying

MaisyPops · 12/05/2018 21:55

ohmydays
I've said I think schools should have discretion to approve holidays if attendance is otherwise good.

Schools do fuck all last week of summer term and those that say they do are lying
No we aren't!
Do SOME schools do nothing? Sure.
But the rest of us aren't lying.

Put it this way, if we do fuck all in the final week then why shouldn't parents take their children out of school? If schools do fuck all in the final week then the scho hasn't a leg to stand on in my opinion. (Not only that but lool at it from a student perspective, they can eat sweets, play games, do trivia quizzes, watch films etc at home so why do it in school? When I've been in schools with the 'cool' wind down with 5 days to go staff, students have actually valued proper learning. It's engaging and usually something planned to match their interests in the subject. There's only so much harribo and disney 14 year olds can stand)

But then if (as you say) it's sad situation if we teach proper lessons, then we can't bloody win.

Term time is term time. Either it's for learning or it's not. If the final week is a waste of time then why not have a 7 week summer holiday? (And then people can book a holiday in the new final week of term).

Most sensible secondary schools do actual work in the final week, reviews of progress, no assessments, consolidation work, wider learning in subject areas beyond the assessments and curriculum. There are many ways to have a purposeful and enjoyable last week.

BoneyBackJefferson · 12/05/2018 22:14

Ohmydayslove
Schools do fuck all last week of summer term and those that say they do are lying

Or alternatively you don't know what you are talking about. As a case in point quite a few schools start the new year (years move up) when the GCSEs finish, but lets not let the facts get in the way of a barely passable good rant

MaisyPops · 12/05/2018 22:23

boney
Exactly.
One school near me does full timetable rollover.
I'd hate that because I love gained time to get team planning done for next year and housekeeping stuff done.

underneaththeash · 12/05/2018 22:52

OP reply with...

Thank you for your letter dated...

Unfortunately due to the fact that it is her father getting married, he has decided that XX will attend. Obviously as her RP it would be legally considered to be unreasonable for me to object to this proposal, however, I would like the school to provide school work that would otherwise be done during this period and I will ensure that it is carried out.

SuburbanRhonda · 12/05/2018 23:15

I wouldn’t say you would like the school to provide work. If you honestly think he would do work while attending a wedding in a foreign country - and my guess would be that he wouldn’t - ask what the topic is and prepare and mark the work yourself. Teachers have enough to do.

Friendofsadgirl · 12/05/2018 23:18

Check your local council's position on what constitutes exceptional circumstances to them.

Iloveacurry · 12/05/2018 23:23

He’s in Y7, and it’s only a week. You might not get the fine anyway. Just let him go. If you do get a fine, get your Ex to pay yours as well as his own.

GladAllOver · 12/05/2018 23:26

Ridiculous rules that only impact on poorer parents.

No, quite the opposite in this case.

A poorer parent would not be having an expensive destination wedding. He'd be getting married near home , so the child would only need one day away from school and I'm sure that would be granted.

Leontine · 12/05/2018 23:56

Just take him. There are some things more important than school.

Neolara · 13/05/2018 00:04

Just take him. Don't give it another thought. Don't ask for work as this will piss school off. Tell school where he is and why, don't lie / say he is ill. They probably won't actually care but will be constrained by policy.

BoneyBackJefferson · 13/05/2018 09:58

underneaththeash
OP reply with...

however, I would like the school to provide school work that would otherwise be done during this period and I will ensure that it is carried out.

Yet more work for the teachers, and it will never get done.

rookiemere · 13/05/2018 10:03

Indeed boneybank - either there is no work at all going on in the final week because of the feckless lazy teachers ( probably off drinking pimms with the fines imposed on parents) or there is vitally important work that teachers can spend lots of their spare time distilling into worksheets. Presumably teacher will also receive and mark it in the school holidays .

The DF didn’t spend the 5 minutes needed to google his DSs term dates - I hardly think he has the ability to get his DS to do homework on holiday.

GladAllOver · 13/05/2018 10:16

This isn't attending a wedding. It's a week's holiday, during which his father is getting married.
Call it what it is, then do it and face the consequences.

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