DS1's Dad's Wedding - declined by school

[Idontbelieveinthemoon]

DS1 is in Y7 at High School. His Dad is getting married this year during term time and, obviously, wants DS1 to be there. School have refused the leave of absence request and stated that they expect DS1 to be in attendance on the days he was due to be away (it's a destination wedding so not something I can change, alter or even adapt to suit school; the actual wedding is on a week day and DS1 would be missing the whole of the last week of summer term).

So as not to drip feed DS1 has great attendance, is achieving well and all homework is on time and never gets into trouble. He also has ASD and can suffer from Anxiety at times and has been particularly anxious about being able to attend the wedding.

Am I able to appeal school's decision and challenge this? It seems awfully unfair that they've refused an application for a wedding of an immediate family member; being part of his Dad's wedding is a huge thing for DS1 and I can't see another way through this; he has to go to the wedding, he has to be there as it's his family.

Would it be U to challenge school's decision or is it best to leave it as unauthorised absence and just take the hit when they fine DH and I (they've written to us separately to advise that we'll be fined if he isn't in school on those dates)?

Don’t bother with an appeal. Just let your son have his holiday and go to his DF’s wedding and accept the fine.

Can you call in sick for those days? I’d go and make Dad pay the fine

Announce you are going to home school for that week!! Send him anyway!

Probably far cheaper to go during term time than out of it hence dads choice of timing. Plus men rarely think of these things (sorry sweeping generalisation!). Kids only have one father and so bearing this and time of year in mind I think school are being ridiculous.

My sons school declined him to attend my wedding abroad last year.

I obviously took him anyway, and they haven't fined me for it. I did appeal it and it was still a no, they only approve exceptional circumstances (of which no one knows anything that constitutes ones of those 🤔) so personally I would say don't bother.

YANBU. Take him out of school, remind them the Head is still able to authorise leave under Exceptional Circumstances and ask them to do so as this constitutes EC. If they’re being pig headed, advise them he won’t be missing his Dad’s wedding and will be absent that week. We took 4 days off 2 years ago to fly to States for once in a lifetime trip to Disney after a hellish year with 3 bereavements, 1 child in hospital with chronic illness and the other vulnerable and struggling with anxiety. Head authorised leave as EC. It can be done! Read council and DfE guidelines.

Well I would appeal.
Can tell the school that the dates were taken into consideration it wasn’t a decision made lightly.
Weddings all been booked and paid itnis important that child attends.
I’m sure reviewing attendance and records they should take into consideration it is a one off and is out of your hands now.
Good luck

Teacher here too and not a fan of students being absent for holidays during term time...however, last week of Y7, take him out and let him go to the wedding.

So a "destination wedding" is more important than education. That explains a lot.

Oh for goodness sake, one would think that the teaching profession have nothing better to do than weigh up term time holiday requests and counter appeals. Might be nice to let them get on with some actual teaching.

Theansweris - your situation sounds different, long standing issues and health concerns and traumatic circumstances - genuinely extenuating circumstances.

The DF didn't take school dates into consideration - he assumed DS would be off which he is not. As far as I can see there are no grounds for appeal and not being agreed doesn't mean that the DS won't go anyway. Accept the decision and pay the (not exactly huge) fine.

Just take him out and let him go to the wedding, it's a no brained!

I'm not up for the school telling me when I can take my child out, I'm the parent and as long as I'm avoiding all important dates (sats, exams, etc) then I will take mine out (one is 9 and in year 4 and the other is starting in September). We went away for a week in January, kids had a blast, school knew about it and the class teacher got ds to bring back a couple of things to show the class and when he walked in on the first day back he jokingly asked him if he was feeling better and told him he looked very well!!

Bloke - it's not like the child is going for the whole academic year

I hope you get this sorted and that your son has a lovely time. don't have this problem thankfully as I home ed, but so many people saying 'Why didn't dad check the dates', not all schools break up at the same time, so he might have picked this time accidentally.

Saying that though, I kinda love how strict schools are now, means when I take my lot away in term time the place is so much emptier! ;-) lol

Please don't ask for work, just take him!

I'm a teacher and I really dislike it when I'm expected to provide work. Aside from the fact that a lot of what we do in class is group work, listening to my input, paired work, practical activities with school resources etc, it's just extra work for me that I feel is pointless. And then the parents may expect them to be marked too - more work. I always advise parents to encourage their child to keep reading for pleasure and keep a diary so that writing skills tick over.

I think that I would just leave it and let him go. The school can't 'authorise' an absence anymore but they can choose to refer to the LEA for fine. If I did get fined, I think that I would be asking them for a breakdown of lessons that have been taught in the final week to justify (all we hear about is how much 'lesson planning' has to be done now, so they will have to have a record of each lesson)

Just go and pay the fine. You can't really appeal it and I wouldn't consider it exceptional circumstances.

And re asking for work, we wouldn't ask staff to provide work because a family has chosen to take term time holiday. Teachers have enough to do! Plus a lot is teacher led so not straightforward to send home.

For goodness sake. The last week of the summer. My husband spent most of that week showing his favourite DVDs.
His Dad should help with the fine.

Take him out on the proviso that’s Dad pays the fine (if it comes: I highly doubt it will)

It's great that you and dad get on well enough for you to consider paying part of the fine!

Whilst the school is being overbearing and churlish, I'd appeal out of principal and if you lose, dad should pay 100%. He should be aware of school term times, despite having to juggle the availability of other family members. DS1's availability should have been priority when planning the wedding.

Not sure about other areas OP but I’ve never heard of a single school accepting any request of leave during term time. In our area we are under the belief that it’s just a money making thing and fine is still usually cheaper than the extra it would cost to take them away in holidays so from experience most just take the hit. Some people have even found they don’t get chased for fines but that’s probably just the lucky ones.

@carriecakes what a smug comment.

Apologies if this has been mentioned but on the basis of the anxiety you mention in your op could you get a letter from your gp or other health professional that missing his father’s wedding would be detrimental to his mental / physical health? That way you are telling the truth and appealing on medical grounds. You could also mention his excellent attendance and the fact this is clearly a one off exceptional situation the timing of which was not anticipated by you and so there was no chance to get the date avoided or to set up your child in advance with coping strategies for the fact he may not be able to attend.

Sorry to gatecrash your thread...

How do the fines work then? Someone up thread said they only start once there are five absences.

I am taking my children out of school for 2 days in February for a holiday and just assumed I'd be fined £120 per child (I'm paying ex husbands share as it's my choice)

YANBU It's a harsh decision by the school - it's the last week of term and his father's wedding.
I would not even bother to appeal and simply take him out of school for that week.
If fined then I would start an appeal process - not until then as the school may not activate that process - as it comes under exceptional circumstances.

I always think in the grand scheme of things what will mean the most to everyone in years to come. I would think going to see my father get married would be far more important and meaningful than whatever crap they have planned for that final week.