Granny gave him first toy without me

[CheesendPickles]

We are staying with my parents at the moment because my husband has been in hospital. I bought my son a toy at the weekend. He's 8 months old so it's his first real toy. I was really excited to give it to him but it needed a random type of battery that I didn't have.
Went to shops today and picked up the batteries then popped back out to the pharmacy to pick up my husbands prescription. I came back to find baby playing with the toy. I'm a bit devastated to be honest....
A few weeks ago she gave him a taste of banana when I was out.... his first taste of real food!
AIBU to feel a bit annoyed?

It could well have been that OP had been busy, rushing off to pick up a prescription for her dh just out of hospital, had left the batteries on the side and granny thought it would be a nice thing to do; getting all the packaging off, fiddling about with a screwdriver and batteries and getting it set up and working.
I certainly don't think it was spiteful or wanting to hog a first moment all to herself? That's a massive assumption.

It's understandable if Op is stressed and emotional at the moment but in my mind it's a massive over reaction to feel devastated.

I agree with LadyB it's far easier for everyone to relax and trust the person caring for your child. If the grandmother witnesses a "first" (and let's face it there are hundreds with a baby) then how lovely for her. Why resent that. Let others enjoy your child's development too. It's not going to affect your bond with baby.

I really don't understand the need to document every new thing with a baby and put it on social media or whatever.

They just need to remember what it was like to be a first time mother and have a little bit of understanding about how a first time mother might feel about doing these first things with her young baby

And if they remember not giving a shit that their own mother gave their baby a toy....?

Justmuddling - I actually have filled in my baby milestone books religiously for each of my 3 kids my family think im a bit mental ha ha I admit I'm ott but I am seriously sentimental and love looking back at these things!

Op I totally agree with you, I know you can't be there for everything but when you are able to be there then you should be allowed to enjoy the moments no matter how trivial they seem to others. I get your mum may not have realised you were keen to see his reaction but still, when you've gone to all the trouble of getting it and the batteries I would have thought she'd have waited 10 minutes for goodness sake.

I wish people would read the thread properly and stop just desperately having a go, what the f*@# would a baby under 8mths want with an electric toy anyway? She said it had other toys. And even if the grandmother was ' desperate to give him a toy', it's not about her, it's about the mum.

She sounds like my mil to be honest, I honestly think she thinks our kids are hers and she's just letting us look after them! It's on my list of things to remember if I'm ever lucky enough to have grandkids, don't expect to be part of everything they do. There was no excuse for giving his first food!

If the grandmother witnesses a "first"

That’s not the issue. She didn’t witness a first. She created a first. Big difference.

There are millions of Firsts though. First time he says a word, watches TeleTubbies, strokes a dog, sees snow, a rainbow, plays with a balloon, tries some ice cream, jumps on a trampoline..it's never ending.

I still think it's absurd to resent a grandmother doing any of those things? It's setting yourself up for years of frustration and arguments with family members that presumably want what you want; the child to be loved and encouraged to develop. Sorry I don't get the hoo ha over this.

Say nothing and enjoy everything.

Best advice on here.

But surely that's the point? You are going to miss a lot of firsts, that can't be helped. When my sister looked after my son and was playing with him and he did his first laugh I didn't expect that she should have stopped as i wasn't there. But when my mil took my son to see Christmas lights for the first tome without telling me, or she spent half an hour trying to get my daughter to do her first steps when I wasn't there or when she decided it was time my 10mth old was potty trained so took it upon herself to try to do so, those things there was no need whatsoever for me to have missed out on. They weren't accidental firsts I'd have been happy for someone else to enjoy, they were purposefully planned for when I wasn't there. Same with the op, for the sake of 10mins she could have enjoyed it too so why not wait?

OP I'm with you about the banana - that would have annoyed me.

But YAB ridiculous about the toy. He's had toys before. This one isn't any more of a "first" just because it has batteries.

But YAB ridiculous about the toy. He's had toys before. This one isn't any more of a "first" just because it has batteries.

This

There are millions of Firsts though. First time he says a word, watches TeleTubbies, strokes a dog, sees snow, a rainbow, plays with a balloon, tries some ice cream, jumps on a trampoline..it's never ending.

As I said before, it's nothing to do with firsts, and missing them. Accidental firsts happen. Great. For whoever is there to enjoy them. But she created the first moments. By giving the first food. And by opening a brand new toy and giving it to the baby whilst the OP popped out for 20 minutes to get the batteries for the NEW TOY.

No I'm still not getting the outrage at creating a first for a grandchild. What if the grandparents wanted to take him to the sea or the zoo for the first time? Not allowed? What if it snowed for the first time? Don't let him see til mum's home?
It's a weird over protective way of parenting; wanting to be there to witness everything and getting upset when you're not. Your head would explode if you insisted on this for their whole childhood.

At the extreme end of the scale I'd be annoyed if my dc were allowed to open all their Christmas presents before I'd got up or something but this was such a non event.

That’s not the issue. She didn’t witness a first. She created a first. Big difference

But she probably has no clue that anyone would consider this a first of any kind, I mean, who would? "First toy with batteries in" its hardly first words or anything real, is it?
I imagine the poor woman would be mortified but bemused to read this thread¬!

I'm over it now anyway. But I think people have misinterpreted me. I completely understand that I won't witness every first my dc will have. I'm fine with that, I'm not a nut job. But I'm also not loaded and can't by him all the gadgets and gizmos that some kids have.... in fact I don't agree with spoiling him.
My annoyance was that I went and bought the toy and the flipping batteries, so I would have liked to give it to him! I hadn't left it out, it was hidden behind a sofa.
If she wants to go buy him something and give it to him without me that's fine! But now that I've calmed down I still don't think I was being unreasonable to expect to give him a toy that I purchased.
Just like I didn't expect her to tell me while I was preparing what I thought was his first ever meal that I should give him banana because he had some last week and loved it! 🙄

@LadyB49 I know grandparents are meant to spoil their gc. That's not a problem. I know that they will give them sweets when I ask them not to and buy them things that I probably wouldn't. But would you have honestly give your gc their first taste of solids without their parents??? Would you have opened new toys hidden in boxes behind the sofa and given them to them as well??? I think that's a bit unfair tbh...

He won't be aware who gave him the toy or remember at that age. The main thing is that he enjoys interacting with it and playing about with it. The first time he sees a toy isn't really the important bit, if you see what I mean.

That said, I didn't realise the toy was hidden. It's a bit strange that your mum searched for it

Glad you've calmed a little and you're not a nut job about all his "firsts"
Hope things return to normal soon and you can move back home.

I don't think YABU OP.

With the banana definitely not - that should have been your decision to make.

With the toy, I don't think it is as much an issue of it being a 'first' but that you (and DH) bought a new toy for your child and you wanted to video it being played with for the first time to show your husband in hospital.

To my it is like going to a birthday party with a friend, handing the gift over and the friend announcing it is from both of you when it isn't and stealing your thunder. You bought it for your child and wanted to see the enjoyment not have your child think it was from your DM.

Your DM may have either not thought anything of it or thought she was helping. I would raise it with her and say you didn't appreciate her doing it and why and asking her to run things like that past you in the future.

I’m sure no one over 35 understands this obsession some mothers have with firsts.

It’s mental to me, properly mental.

I remember my first battery operated toy. I was 19 and terrified my neighbours would hear it. I won it at an Ann Summers party.

Oh...not that kind of toy

I didn't know the toy was hidden.....
However, and this is meant kindly, these things will happen, accidentally or without thought, and sometimes we need to go with thevflow

CheesendPickles

I totally get it. People aren't reading the thread.

OP I am sorry I didn’t read your updates and said you must not have any real problems to be worried about something minor. I see now you have a lot of stresses in your life going on right now.

However my point still stands that you should let the little things go. It really does help.

Jesus. How can this be real? She HANDED your son a toy you got him? Ffs. Please get a massive, massive grip.

Oh and I know you’re having a hard time but you’ll make it harder on yourself getting worked up over things like this. To be fair I’d be more annoyed about the banana first when ds was smaller but I was a bit precious.

Being too precious. I didn't even know "first toy" was even a thing....

seriously.....

YABVVVVVVU

My m'n'law held my son before me after he was born. I was in intensive care and she went to see him in the baby unit with my hubby and they were so excited no-one had realised that I had not held him yet. I didn't mind my hubby holding him first...but I kind of wanted to hold him before my m'n'law did!
I also had a thing about some firsts I had planned to do with my children - ie first bike etc. My m'n'law would also do these firsts which upset me at the time. But over time you forget about things.