Granny gave him first toy without me

[CheesendPickles]

We are staying with my parents at the moment because my husband has been in hospital. I bought my son a toy at the weekend. He's 8 months old so it's his first real toy. I was really excited to give it to him but it needed a random type of battery that I didn't have.
Went to shops today and picked up the batteries then popped back out to the pharmacy to pick up my husbands prescription. I came back to find baby playing with the toy. I'm a bit devastated to be honest....
A few weeks ago she gave him a taste of banana when I was out.... his first taste of real food!
AIBU to feel a bit annoyed?

She was BU to give him food if he hadn't been weaned. Maybe she thought he looked hungry and wanted to try him with some, and didn't realise how upset you'd be.

Same with batteries - maybe she thought she was doing you a favour. Hard to know. What did you say to her?

These type of threads are always very similar OP. Lots of posters will feel differently than you or have not experienced it at all so doesn't know how it might feel.

It's a very subtle thing - to more than once knowingly do firsts with someone else's child when you're not the main carer. Maybe it's pure thoughtlessness, maybe they wouldn't have cared in their day, maybe she's actively enjoying stealing these moments? The fact that you care about these little things means you should mention that you were sad to not be there for x,y,z as while he's so young you still value 'firsts'. Then she knows. She can think it's weird if she likes. That's her perogative.

Are you for real? My goodness I’ve heard it all now.
Get over yourself. God help you when he doesn’t get invited to a party or something

I haven't said anything to her about the toy. I did mention the banana to her a while after it happened.

Don’t sweat the small stuff. Really it’s a non issue!

I just wanted to see his face and I like to video this stuff for my husband who is missing out on a lot.

And there's your good reason. Not that you need one.

I can understand why you are annoyed but this really isn't important in the grand scheme of things. Just have a chat with your Mum - she probably didn't realise that you classed this as a special 'first'.

I also have an 8 month old, he's my second DS. He has a serious health condition and is facing his second surgery very soon. He has been admitted to hospital in an emergency situation many times and we are lucky he is still here. One thing this has given me is perspective and things that I would have stressed about with DS1 I simply don't care about with DS2. You have a healthy DS who you clearly love to pieces.

I totally understand, as my MIL sounds similar and needs curbing. I would tell it was not OK to do it and that you were excited to open the toy with YOUR child- she already was doing this with her babies so now it's your turn to enjoy doing first things with your son.

If the toy didn't have the batteries he wasn't playing with it properly or did your Mum pop out and get those too?

This has to be a joke right?

OP you are being ridiculous

YANBU. The toy wouldn't bother me too much but I would make a point and say "I bought this toy and wanted to see DC's face when they saw it for the first time. Would it have killed you to just wait til I got back?"

Over giving DC first food - I would have gone batshit. deciding when to give first food is NOBODY's decision bar yours. I would have been very pissed off.

@PattiStanger she put the batteries I had just bought in, when I popped back out.

Your being very precious about this.
Trust me when he hits the terrible twos and has an almighty screaming fit in Tesco you will wish your DM was the one to have him for that 'first'

I get the banana thing. It’s not right to start the weaning process of any baby that you aren’t the primary carer for. Plus the first taste blows their minds and I am glad I filmed ds’s reaction because it was hilarious (to me and my husband).

The first toy thing is unfortunate, yes she should have waited but she didn’t and it’s not worth kicking up a big fuss.

Ah, I see x

Well, I think you’ll probably have to let this one go. BUT, in future if you want the firsts then ‘box clever’ with what you’re doing to avoid a repeat.

Tbh, if granny hadn’t decided to start weaning your baby without permission then I doubt this would be an issue. Or am I wrong?

Set out your stall with her (you with your hubby too when he is better). Last thing you want is fist shoes, first bike etc coming from her x

Please don't take this the wrong way, but I think the stressful situation you are finding yourself in at the moment may be making these bigger issues then they really I. I do feel for you as we had to struggle through a major family illness for the first year of my DD's life and things do get out of perspective.

We were only legally entitled to 6 months maternity leave and I went back to work full time when my baby was 4.5 months old. I almost certainly missed first crawl, first steps, first words and all kinds of other things, but it really doesn't matter. I have no idea what her first food was or even if I gave it to her, let alone her first proper toy. She would only have been interested in it for a couple of minutes and then gone back to something else. Treasure the moments you do get, but accept that you won't be there for everything and sometimes it's quite nice not to be (any volunteers for the first exploding nappy?))

You're massively overreacting re the toy. But in the context of someone who has in the past opened your post and struggled to give you privacy and space then I guess it's all interwoven with that why you reacted that way.
So I'd try and address general boundaries but wouldn't pull her up on this at all.

You're not being ridiculous OP. No one is suggesting you should charge at your mum with a broom over it or anything - but it's normal to feel extra sensitive about certain things in our life and this is one of them for you right now.

Under the circ.s with DH very ill i think it's understandable

Sorry to hear about your husband. I hope he makes a speedy recovery.

Receiving their first whizzy bang toy isn't a big deal for an 8 month old. Quite honestly I'm surprised that your DS didn't get anything like this at Christmas.

If you left the baby, the toy and the batteries with her, it can't be that surprising that she put in the batteries and gave the toy to the baby.

I would be a bit cross about the banana, but at least it wasn't a marshmallow or a square of Dairy Milk.

If you take the toy away from your ds and give it to him in a couple of days, he will have a similar reaction to the one he will have had with your mother and then you can video it for your dh. As for the banana, things have changed a lot since you were a child regarding weaning and allergies.

She probably thought he'd waited long enough for a decent toy it he's 8 months and not had one before.

The whole first thing doesn't make any difference you know. He will have the same reaction with the next electronic toy you give him. (I'm a bit at the idea that only electronic toys are "proper" toys). His reaction to solid foods when you started weaning won't have been significantly different because he tasted banana a few weeks beforehand.

You can get annoyed if you want, and if your MIL knew you were looking forward to the whole experience of seeing him play with it, she was being a bit unkind, so I understand from that perspective. But it really has no impact on your relationship with your baby.

Aw OP, I do understand how you are feeling, I can think of many similar examples of feeling equally upset about random stuff that my parents/in laws did when my son was little. I do look back now though and realise how it really really doesn’t matter and none of it was worth getting wound up about. He is 8 months. He doesn’t know his arse from his elbow at the mo. A toy is a toy to him,there will be more firsts that will be equally as joyous/important.

That said if you do feel that this could be an ongoing issue that would lead to resentment can you not just tell her that you were disappointed not to give the toy yourself and ask that in future she checks with you first?

I'm sorry your DH's ill. I would imagine that in itself is very stressful. However, if you find your DM controlling, perhaps moving your family in with her, even short time, is enabling he controlling behaviour.