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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Granny gave him first toy without me

201 replies

CheesendPickles · 09/05/2018 19:14

We are staying with my parents at the moment because my husband has been in hospital. I bought my son a toy at the weekend. He's 8 months old so it's his first real toy. I was really excited to give it to him but it needed a random type of battery that I didn't have.
Went to shops today and picked up the batteries then popped back out to the pharmacy to pick up my husbands prescription. I came back to find baby playing with the toy. I'm a bit devastated to be honest....
A few weeks ago she gave him a taste of banana when I was out.... his first taste of real food!
AIBU to feel a bit annoyed?

OP posts:
badg3r · 09/05/2018 20:57

So I think it has been established that the toy thing was a bit of an overreaction! But fwiw I would have been upset about the food too (with my first).

OP it sounds like you are in an incredibly difficult phase just now. Sick husband and staying with the parents with your young baby? You deserve a medal. Hope things pick up. I think a frank chat with your mum about how you are feeling would help to take the stress out of worrying about future potential situations.

LannieDuck · 09/05/2018 20:58

Of course YANBU. You bought the toy, you bought the batteries, what on earth possessed her to step in and give it to him while you were out? Esp since you wanted to film his reaction for your DH. I would have been upset too.

My ILs showed DD1 the sea without me. I was struggling to get everything out of the car and thought they were just taking her across the road to wait there. But no, they took her up the steps and onto the beach without me. I was left trying to juggle everything and hurrying after her, and completely missed seeing her little face as she took it all in. Apparently she stopped and stared at it all in amazement, and then ran onto the sand in excitement. But I don't have a picture of it in my head since I was at the back carrying all the bags. This was 4 years ago and I'm still pissed off, can you tell?! It's selfish and thoughtless.

shortgreengiraffe · 09/05/2018 21:01

You are being utterly ridiculous.

HTH.

ILostItInTheEarlyNineties · 09/05/2018 21:07

Glad you've calmed down now OP and feeling a bit better.

I remember giving my first child a colourful vibrating ball toy which made sounds and moved around the room at Christmas at about that age. I couldn't wait to see him playing with it but unfortunately he hated it, cried and wouldn't go near the bloody thing Grin

At least your ds likes his new toy!
Hope things are back to normal soon for you Flowers

Nanny0gg · 09/05/2018 21:19

@Petitepamplemousse Oh good grief OP. Haven’t you got anything better to worry about? What a nice life you must have if this is a problem.

You didn't read the OP's posts very carefully, did you?

Her husband is very ill which is why she's staying with the ILs as they are nearer the hospital.

And even if that wasn't the case, was there any need to be quite so spiteful?

Nanny0gg · 09/05/2018 21:20

Sorry, her parents, not the ILs

As it's your mum, you should be able to say something to her, OP.

HateSummer · 09/05/2018 21:21

Be thankful you have a mum you can leave your children with. Some people will never have that. thankless shits

lastnamefirstfirstnamelast · 09/05/2018 21:26

Sorry op ybu. What did you exlect her to do? Leave him just in front of a tv? Watch paint dry? Never try food? Never mumble or attempt a first word if your out of the room?

I think your being v precious about this, there are people out there who will never get firsts with their children due to the fact they dont have many abilities. Get a grip.

ZaphodBeeblerox · 09/05/2018 21:28

My MiL wanted to feed DD her first taste of real food and throw her her first birthday party. Hmm
I am all for everyone sharing in the joy of a baby but it really makes me feel like an irrelevance. If it wasn’t for DD being a bottle refusing breast milk hog MIL would be desperately trying to get “alone time” with her and has suggested as much multiple times. I don’t get why.
Clearly someone has to witness these firsts. Why not the parents? Why try to take that away from us? Why try to act like this is your baby when you’ve already had and raised your babies? I don’t think I’m being PFB but watching our DDs face while we fed her a first spoonful was such a lovely moment for DH and I. Why try to take that away from us?

londonrach · 09/05/2018 21:29

Its abit late if he hasnt had toys until 8 months. Whats he had until now.

gluteustothemaximus · 09/05/2018 21:31

Wow, OP, bet you're glad you started this thread now!

It doesn't matter what we think. It matters what YOU think.

It also matters where your mum is coming from. Is it a simple mistake, or is is something deliberate? Only you can answer that.

Instead of supporting your feelings on important things, to you, everyone has jumped on not having toys for 8 months, and being weaned too late Confused

I just wanted to see his face and I like to video this stuff for my husband who is missing out on a lot.

It doesn't matter if little one doesn't remember, or even if you don't. But when you video stuff, it's lovely.

Take DS2's birthday for example, do you think I should just let DS2 rip open his presents and not wait for DH? Or do you think DH would be pissed off? Of course he'd be pissed off! And if I did it, I'd be doing it knowing it would annoy/upset him.

We filmed him on his birthday, and it was lovely. So even though DS won't remember, and we'll probably forget, when we see the video...it'll all come flooding back.

Wishing your DH a speedy recovery Flowers

Regarding your mum, explain gently, that you felt a bit upset about the 2 incidents. If she carries on regardless, then you know what you're dealing with.

Ohmydayslove · 09/05/2018 21:31

Oh lovely I totally understand you are going through a really rough time but honestly I expect your mum has no idea that she’s upset you like this because to her it’s probably not a first.

Chat to her and confide in her. You need a cuddle and reassurance. I hope things get better for you Flowers

Singlenotsingle · 09/05/2018 21:33

Do you really expect to be there every time he has a taste of something new, or gets a new toy??? ShockShockShock

formerbabe · 09/05/2018 21:37

I don’t think I’m being PFB but watching our DDs face while we fed her a first spoonful was such a lovely moment for DH and I

You totally are being pfb!

ZaphodBeeblerox · 09/05/2018 21:40

Really formerbabe - so you’d be okay with anyone feeding your kid their first bite of real food? I mean, someone has to do it - I didn’t think I was being precious by saying i’d like for my husband and I to be the people cooking and feeding her the first bite.

Anyway, I felt quite irked by MiLs suggestions that she cook and feed her the first bite and organise her first birthday (probably because born these suggestions came in quick succession).

KurriKurri · 09/05/2018 21:46

Actually given the circumstances you've described - with your DH being seriously ill, I can see how this would be upsetting - you feel your husband is not there and the two of you are missing moments with your baby. Things take on a greater importance and urgency when someone is very ill.

How did granny get hold of the toy - did she help herself to it from your bag/your room ? Because that would be very out of line.

Could you put the toy away for a few days, so your baby forgets about it, then when you bring it out you can film him to show his Daddy, he'll be just as excited when he sees the toy again.

APigInAWig · 09/05/2018 21:56

I think my issue here would be that she didn't pay for the toy so she should have waited. That would have been the polite thing to do. I'm going to against the grain here and agree when OP. If she wanted to give him a toy and watch his reactions she should have done it herself or waited for you to enjoy the moment together.

formerbabe · 09/05/2018 22:02

Really formerbabe - so you’d be okay with anyone feeding your kid their first bite of real food? I mean, someone has to do it - I didn’t think I was being precious by saying i’d like for my husband and I to be the people cooking and feeding her the first bite.

Well that's fine obviously, I was a bit Hmm at it being viewed as a special moment.

ZaphodBeeblerox · 09/05/2018 22:09

🤷🏽‍♀️ Seemed special to me. Maybe if I have more kids it’ll just seem mundane.
(Then again my MIL has had two kids and still thinks this is a super precious moment clearly 🙈🙈)

rinabean · 09/05/2018 22:11

YANBU at all but a lot of the replies on this thread are

IronMansIronButt · 09/05/2018 22:13

Ask her to stop and explain calmly she had her 'firsts' with her own babies

Yeah, and watch her make this face Confused as she doesn't have the first fucking clue what you are talking about.

gluteustothemaximus · 09/05/2018 22:23

I'm on my third, and first foods were still special.

Again, it's not what one thinks or the other. If one parent thinks it's special, leave them be. It's special to them.

You don't find it special, that's fine. We're not all the same 🤷🏽‍♀️

famousfour · 09/05/2018 22:26

I think this is one of those things which is about personal dynamic. If you feel she is deliberately trying to step on your toes that is annoying even if objectively it could just be that she didn't realise it meant anything to you.

FWIW I would have been annoyed about the banana thing as we were excited about weaning our first child (not do much the rest 😆) but wouldn't have made a big deal of it if it was in error.

MarklahMarklah · 09/05/2018 22:28

Can't recall any of my child's firsts - it's not something that has ever particularly bothered me, to be honest.
Someone asked me the other day - when did DD start walking - they looked horrified when I said I couldn't remember. I do know that since she figured out how to talk she hasn't stopped! Smile

HollyWoods8224 · 09/05/2018 22:30

Has she overstepped on other things in the past which annoyed you, not enough to bother saying anything, but those little annoyances have built and now this is really the moment you can put your finger on as a 'thing' that she did.

I get it, you wanted to be the first one to see your little ones reaction, you went out and bought a toy for them, with you and them in mind and imagined having this moment, you wanted to see the discovery - its maybe not easily explainable why that specific moment was such a special one to you, but it was and as the parent your entitled to as many special moments as you want.
Grandparents have special grandparent moments too, they don't need to step into parent moments to get their share.

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