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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

He didn't want phone sex

205 replies

Corkscrewbetty · 09/05/2018 14:38

So... my partner and I live apart. He comes to see me most weekends. I live with an eldery parent and so it's hard to find a good time to enjoy ourselves sexually. I just don't feel comfortable. We've even resorted to doing it in bushes when we take the dog out for a walk. We used to have quite an active sex life before my father moved in with me. We would "sext" and all the rest of it. Anyway, my dear old father is with a friend today. I'm self-employed and so is my boyfriend. I texted him asking him if he fancied a bit of phone sex... and he's too tired and not in the mood. Now... I know this happens... but seeing as we so rarely get the chance to do anything sexual... I feel a bit put out. And now I'm thinking about it, I don't think he has been as interested in that side of things recently. I'm wondering whether it's a bit of a red flag or if I'm just getting all worried about nothing.

OP posts:
notanurse2017 · 09/05/2018 14:41

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

TyrionsNextWife · 09/05/2018 14:42

I like a good shag as much as the next person, but phone sex is very different - he maybe jut feels a bit awkward with taking that step up from sexting.

itallhappensforareason · 09/05/2018 14:44

I think YABU. I would find it extremely off putting if I was suddenly hit with a proposition to have phone sex - surely you can't just 'make' yourself be in the mood for that? I'd also find it extremely awkward and embarrassing - it's very different to via text. I wouldn't read too much into it.

picklemepopcorn · 09/05/2018 14:52

Remember he didn't get to anticipate it. Effectively, you started before him! It would be like someone grabbing you while you are trying to cook the dinner.

amusedbush · 09/05/2018 14:56

Phone sex seems like the most awkward, cringey thing ever and worlds away from actual sex. I would say no if DH suggested it and I'm really not a massive prude!

Fromage · 09/05/2018 14:59

Maybe he's got poison ivy.

Fromage · 09/05/2018 15:01

That would put me off.

Also perhaps he's just not into all your horticultural fetishes.

Plus it's hay fever season, you know. Or he could be worried about disturbing wildlife in the mating season. Which is ironic.

ThunderPunt · 09/05/2018 15:04

Oh dear....
Anyone PMed the OP to give them their phone number...?

BlueTrousers · 09/05/2018 15:04

You lost me at shagging in the bushes ... Hmm

DialMforMordor · 09/05/2018 15:04

he might be right in the middle of a deadline or something work-related, if he's self-employed. You wouldn't phone him up at his office and say, 'Hey, Barry, I know you're about to do a root canal on Mrs Higgins, but fancy nipping off to the loos for a quickie?'

Plus, it's not exactly come-hither bedroom chat to let him know that your dad's off down the crown green bowls with Alf, so you're free for some phone sex. Those are not erotic images.

Also, who's got the dog?

BalaBrith · 09/05/2018 15:06

"having sex in the bushes? Does the dog watch?" GrinGrinGrin

Bluntness100 · 09/05/2018 15:06

How old are you both that you shag in the bushes when you walk the dog?

TammySwansonTwo · 09/05/2018 15:06

People are allowed to not be in the mood whenever and not getting the chance too often doesn’t change that.

DeathByGlamour · 09/05/2018 15:08

Will nobody think about the poor doggy?

Chocolatecoffeeaddict · 09/05/2018 15:09

Maybe he feels embarrassed. Also, is moving out a possibility?
As a grown adult it's ridiculous that shagging in the bushes is your only option.

AjasLipstick · 09/05/2018 15:09

Really?

Gemini69 · 09/05/2018 15:09

okay..... this will be interesting.... Grin

elQuintoConyo · 09/05/2018 15:10

Gosh, sometimes i take DH up a tree when we're out with the dog Blush

Well, you can't force phonesex whenever you want it. If he isn't in the mood, he isn't in the mood.

Lordy, if i tried phone sex it'd not get further than 'nipples...hurr hurr'

astoundedgoat · 09/05/2018 15:11

It could just be that he's not keen on being with someone with an elderly parent at home and is pulling back, or it could be that he genuinely just wasn't in the humour.

Is your father living with you a permanent thing? Are you caring for him too? I saw in your previous post that you live in a rural village with your baby and that you had a long term plan of getting out - is that on hold for now?

Gardai · 09/05/2018 15:11

Try a hotel, assuming your old enough to own a house.
Give the dog a break and leave the poor traumatised thing at home.

DeathByGlamour · 09/05/2018 15:13

OP he is probably cheating on you. Perhaps he has another dog.

BalaBrith · 09/05/2018 15:14

Some of these replies😂

OP, as a PP suggested could you not book a hotel for a night or two with him?

Rudgie47 · 09/05/2018 15:14

He probably thinks its stupid and naff, the phone sex.
Whats your dog doing whilst your shagging in bushes?

Whitesea · 09/05/2018 15:16

How do you feel more comfortable shagging in bushes than in your bedroom with the door locked?

Could you go to visit him at weekends?

If DH rang me out of the blue in the middle of the day asking me to have phone sex, I think I’d laugh and continue eating my sandwich!

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