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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

He didn't want phone sex

205 replies

Corkscrewbetty · 09/05/2018 14:38

So... my partner and I live apart. He comes to see me most weekends. I live with an eldery parent and so it's hard to find a good time to enjoy ourselves sexually. I just don't feel comfortable. We've even resorted to doing it in bushes when we take the dog out for a walk. We used to have quite an active sex life before my father moved in with me. We would "sext" and all the rest of it. Anyway, my dear old father is with a friend today. I'm self-employed and so is my boyfriend. I texted him asking him if he fancied a bit of phone sex... and he's too tired and not in the mood. Now... I know this happens... but seeing as we so rarely get the chance to do anything sexual... I feel a bit put out. And now I'm thinking about it, I don't think he has been as interested in that side of things recently. I'm wondering whether it's a bit of a red flag or if I'm just getting all worried about nothing.

OP posts:
PebbleTissueScissors · 09/05/2018 15:16

I'm wondering whether it's a bit of a red flag or if I'm just getting all worried about nothing.

Poor OP with some not v. helpful replies.

It could be either tbh
Not red flag - not everyone likes phone sex and even if he did it before with you he may just have being humouring you in that way that you try to keep everyone happy in early relationship stages; he may just not have been in the mood that day or not felt like phone sex at all.
Red flag - if you have noticed a new change in his behaviour that is too great to be explained by feeling more relaxed/initial flush of a new relationship wareing off.

FWIW - you both need to sort out a situation where you have have sex in private. People get arrested for sex in bushes you know!

Waspnest · 09/05/2018 15:17

Notanurse perhaps that's where the term 'dogging' came from?

Booboobooboo84 · 09/05/2018 15:18

Is doing it while the dog watches called Doggy style? Have I just been doing Doggy style wrong all these years and really I should be al fresco in the bushes with Fido on look out

donajimena · 09/05/2018 15:18

You've scarred that poor dog.

ILostItInTheEarlyNineties · 09/05/2018 15:22

Fancy walking the dog dear? has never been such a loaded question!

Maybe he's snowed under with work or has clients with him.. Shock Is this just old fashioned dirty talk on the phone or some sort of modern Skype/face time thing?

I can't imagine it's impossible to find time alone even if your elderly father is living with you. I assume he doesn't share a bedroom.

Windthebobbinup1982 · 09/05/2018 15:22

I’m trying to imagine if a man posted on here saying he felt put out because his partner didn’t enthusiastically agree to phone sex when he happened to want it in the middle of the day Hmm

Bluntness100 · 09/05/2018 15:25

Quite frankly I'm struggling to get past the can't shag quietly in the next room to dad, but can shag in a public place with the dog watching.,,

diddl · 09/05/2018 15:26

I'd rather no sex that phone sex!

If it's difficult at yours at the weekend-why don't you go to his?

But it's your house-so what's the problem with him staying over?

NewPapaGuinea · 09/05/2018 15:29

Think you need to start with Phone Foreplay first lol

DialMforMordor · 09/05/2018 15:30

OP, I'm sorry, I know it's not the done thing, but I AS-ed your username, wondering if this was a classic strange first post, and it's not.

But going by your previous posts, your DP sounds like a thoroughly bad hat, and I wonder if you might not be better looking in the bushes for something better?

ILostItInTheEarlyNineties · 09/05/2018 15:30

..put your phone on vibrate for that Grin

Eatmycheese · 09/05/2018 15:34

Sod the rejecting phone sex, I’m surprised he said yes to shagging in a bush tbh.

SoSobored · 09/05/2018 15:34

Ilostit Hilarious!! This thread is hilarious!!!

OnTheList · 09/05/2018 15:35

So he wasn;t in the mood. It happens,

I would never ever be in the mood for phone sex tbh. Yeah some people like it, but it just sounds so cringey and awkward to me.

YABU to take it so personally that he did not want phone sex.

Also YABU for shagging in the bushes with a dog with you.

Original poster
Corkscrewbetty · 09/05/2018 15:37

Don't worry about the dog! He's fine. :-) Yes, the bush thing isn't ideal. Of course it isn't! I live in the middle of nowhere... elderly parent.... little bubba. The idea will be to move one day. Houses are hard to sell though. I'm stuck here for the moment. I suppose I could get over the whole idea of doing it in the house. It's a ridiculous situation. I was thinking that if it was the other way around, I wouldn't want him to be hurt. I wouldn't force phone sex on anyone! It was just an idea. I then got a bit worried that he might be fed up with all my baggage. I really thought he'd like the idea. Nevermind. I managed on my own.

OP posts:
Gardai · 09/05/2018 15:40

I don’t think I even understand phone sex (old age) and I’ve never shagged infront of a dog. I haven’t lived.

Mrskeats · 09/05/2018 15:48

This is why travel lodges were invented.
The bushes thing is grim; I know someone who got arrested for it as well.

BitOutOfPractice · 09/05/2018 15:50

Surely a "red Flag" is a MN short hand for a sure sign of abuse. Is that what you mean OP?

Not wanting to do something sexual is not a sign of abuse. It's OK to say no

NurseButtercup · 09/05/2018 15:50

If this real, please please stop shagging in bushes in front of the dog.

You can rent a room in a reputable hotel for a few hours if you have no where else to go:

www.byhours.com

BitOutOfPractice · 09/05/2018 15:53

Lots of couples like outdoor sex. I'm not sure why there's so much pearl clutching about it Hmm

NurseButtercup · 09/05/2018 15:54

@DialMforMordor

"....I wonder if you might not be better looking in the bushes for something better?"

^^ this is hilarious GrinGrin

astoundedgoat · 09/05/2018 15:55

I suppose I could get over the whole idea of doing it in the house

It's not ideal, but you are a grown woman. Have you been hiding from your father that you have a boyfriend? If you want to have an overnight guest in your own home, it is entirely your right, and if your father is likely to kick off about it and give you a hard time, then he needs to rethink his living arrangements, not you rethinking whether or not you can have a normal relationship.

Gardai · 09/05/2018 15:59

Not worried about alfresco sex - just the dog watching or feeling left out/lonely.

LoniceraJaponica · 09/05/2018 16:00

Why can't you go and stay with him for the weekend?

GreatDuckCookery6211 · 09/05/2018 16:03

Little bubba?