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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

He didn't want phone sex

205 replies

Corkscrewbetty · 09/05/2018 14:38

So... my partner and I live apart. He comes to see me most weekends. I live with an eldery parent and so it's hard to find a good time to enjoy ourselves sexually. I just don't feel comfortable. We've even resorted to doing it in bushes when we take the dog out for a walk. We used to have quite an active sex life before my father moved in with me. We would "sext" and all the rest of it. Anyway, my dear old father is with a friend today. I'm self-employed and so is my boyfriend. I texted him asking him if he fancied a bit of phone sex... and he's too tired and not in the mood. Now... I know this happens... but seeing as we so rarely get the chance to do anything sexual... I feel a bit put out. And now I'm thinking about it, I don't think he has been as interested in that side of things recently. I'm wondering whether it's a bit of a red flag or if I'm just getting all worried about nothing.

OP posts:
Corkscrewbetty · 09/05/2018 17:53

Best little bubba I've ever seen. :-)

OP posts:
ILostItInTheEarlyNineties · 09/05/2018 17:56

Maybe your dog's been texting him sorry but Grin

Corkscrewbetty · 09/05/2018 17:57

I bet you're right. The dirty little pillock.

OP posts:
crispysausagerolls · 09/05/2018 18:00

OP, I really wouldn't worry if he didn't want phone sex when you had asked him - you should've just called him and tried it on over the phone if that's what you wanted, because he would've gone along with it I'm sure. But phone sex can be very embarrassing so just saying "do you want phone sex" is not really the more attractive or compelling proposition. It's not a reflection on you though, and I am sure it isn't an indicator of his feelings or anything like that!

GrannyGrissle · 09/05/2018 18:03

It can be very lonely and ahem, frustrating being a single parent but please don't let that cloud your judgement or make you accept a waster for a partner. Your DD will be grown and at school in no time and you will have much more chance to socialise then. This has been an amusing thread in how you have worded it (not your problems) and you come accross as a kind loving person. There are ridiculous and funny parts to my past relationship so please don't feel like the piss has been taken.

TheVanguardSix · 09/05/2018 18:04

I feel a Ben and Holly's 'Not-So-Horny-'Cause-It's-A-Little-Too-Thorny' Kingdom coming on...

EmmaC78 · 09/05/2018 18:05

I can't think of anything more cringeworthy than phone sex.

Tumbleted · 09/05/2018 18:07

Laughed a lot at this thread and OP good on you for your witty replies back. FWIW I think you sound like an intelligent and spirited lady who’s ‘bubba’ is lucky to have you! (The dog seems to be doing pretty well out of it too😂 ) I wish you all the best-maybe without the phone sex bit though, can’t help but find that a bit creepy and my childish sense of humour couldn’t cope with that!

Tumbleted · 09/05/2018 18:08

Whose🤔

ILostItInTheEarlyNineties · 09/05/2018 18:09

you should have just called him and tried it on over the phone The problem with that is what if he was with his mother or having a meeting with a supplier or something and had put you on loud speaker? Awkward.

ha ha at dirty little pillock Grin

user1492877024 · 09/05/2018 18:10

Absolutely disgusting. Is this a 'wind up'? In the bushes? So, anyone could discover you, for example, children, elderly people. How old are you for gods sake? Repulsive!!

Bluntness100 · 09/05/2018 18:14

I also think you've come back well.

I'll remember your thread, not just cause you randomly texted uour partner asking if he fancied phone sex out the blue in the middle of the day (I mean cmon, most folks will say no to that offer. 🤣)

But because you shag in the forest. Or the bush, or whatever.

I think I understand your worry though. Reading your other threads. You're not sure you're enough for this guy sexually due to his past, and now with major hang ups about having sex in the house, you're worried you may be damaging the relationship and then decline of the phone sex made you think he would just go elsewhere.

crispysausagerolls · 09/05/2018 18:26

ILostItInTheEarlyNineties

Yeh but phone sex always starts with the cliche "what are you wearing" type thing as a way of feeling if someone might be open to it. If he was with his mother he would be able to shut it down pretty quickly. Or she could've asked who he is with or what he is doing.

Queenoftheblitz · 09/05/2018 18:29

OP, I really wouldn't worry if he didn't want phone sex when you had asked him - you should've just called him and tried it on over the phone if that's what you wanted, because he would've gone along with it I'm sure. But phone sex can be very embarrassing so just saying "do you want phone sex" is not really the more attractive or compelling proposition. It's not a reflection on you though, and I am sure it isn't an indicator of his feelings or anything like that!

Yes, don't make it pre meditated - not a turn on.
Next time say "i was thinking about you at work and I had to go to the loos and play with myself."
If that doesnt get him asking you for more detail, then he's just not in the mood - which is fine.

BreakfastAtSquiffanys · 09/05/2018 18:38

I'm imagining phone sex involving those awful automated call handling systems...

"All of our operators are busy at the moment. Your orgasm is important to us. Please hold (onto whatever you are holding)"

Corkscrewbetty · 09/05/2018 19:02

user1492877024 - Straight to the point! I'm repulsive. You don't beat around the bush! (You should though - it's fun - we sometimes take the yoga mat for a bit of extra padding! You don't know what you're missing!). Yep, I'm a grimbo. A 39-year-old grimbo. But, don't worry - we keep away from playgrounds and old people's homes as a general rule. We take the pervy sexting dog about five miles into the forest and do it there. Nobody will ever know. Except Mumsnet.

OP posts:
Chocolatecoffeeaddict · 09/05/2018 19:06

I wouldn't be so sure no one will ever know. You'll be caught sooner or later and bear the consequences. Teenagers have sex in bushes, not 39 year old mothers.

ILostItInTheEarlyNineties · 09/05/2018 19:09

"Your orgasm is important to us. Please hold" Grin

I just wouldn't find it at all erotic if my partner phoned to tell me they'd just had a wank in the toilet at work Queen. Different strokes for different folks I suppose!

TheSassyAssassin · 09/05/2018 19:17

I managed on my own - well they do say that one in the hand is worth two in the bush OP!

PhaedrasChocolate · 09/05/2018 19:22

Pmsl at the pearl clutching 😂

Lots of people have had sex outside you know. Think about that when you're eating your artisanal breads and olives on your next picnic Grin

Corkscrewbetty · 09/05/2018 19:26

TheSassyAssassin - Hee hee hee! Brilliant!!

OP posts:
Eatmycheese · 09/05/2018 19:28

@Phaedra I quite agree that this is not unheard of.
However most people don’t let their fucking dog wander around drawing attention to them whilst the bush makes weird noises / rustles.
“Here boy, are you lost?
No I’m just waiting for my humans to finish their bucolic romp. Don’t ring the number on my collar it will rumble them”

And you forgot organic Wine from an obscure fledgling grape to wash the affected snacks down

DialMforMordor · 09/05/2018 19:30

OP, you sound a lot of fun. I hope you find a man a bit more worthy of your wit and spirit under a gooseberry bush.

topcat2014 · 09/05/2018 19:32

Surely it depends where the DP is / doing etc?

Although the whole idea has thankfully passed me by!!

Helmetbymidnight · 09/05/2018 19:40

It’s the while dog walking that’s unnerving not the outdoors bit.