AIBU to take this back to court?

[Justonedayatatime11]

Exh took me to court a few years back and obtained a CAO for our dd(4). CAO states EOW and 50% of his annual leave. Exh has rarely adhered to the CAO and can get very aggressive if I can’t change plans to accommodate him wanting to swap and change weekends. I’ve received a message from him last night saying that every weekend for the next 4 months is going to have to change, but he doesn’t know how or when.
FWIW, he’s blaming work. Now he could take the CAO to his commanding officer and have it enforced which would mean he would reliably see dd EOW. However, he’s admitted he won’t do this as ‘it will harm his chances of promotion’.
My plans for the summer are now up in the air because I now don’t know when/if he’ll be seeing dd. Not only will that potentially leave me out of pocket, but more importantly dd is getting no consistency. He’ll go for a month without seeing her and then want her for a week at a time.
To be clear, I am not trying to stop contact. Dd adores him and I wouldn’t want to take that away from her. AIBU to take this back to court and look at getting the CAO changed? I just want some consistency for her sake and some reliability for me?

I think I would point out that if he doesn’t see her for 6 weeks in the autumn, she will not be willing to come for 7 consecutive days at Christmas. If he can no longer comply with the order, he should make his application to the court.

If she’s already unhappy you might need to take it back yourself. I don’t think a judge is likely to reduce it yet though. It’s a shame he’s not sensitive to her needs.

He is a controlling ass. Record every missed visit and all contact. If you need to go to court again you will need the evidence.
Can you go back to your solicitor for advice?

If you are going to breach the court order by refusing contact then if need to make an application to take it back to court.

You need to do what you can to emotionally support your DD so that she is happy to spend time with her Dad.

You need to be careful that you are not seen as being obstructive by the court or accused of parent alienation.

OP, it sounds incredibly stressful but I think you are doing an amazing job being strong for your DD 💐

OP, I've stopped contact in the past because my DCs refused to go. Solicitor told me I couldn't make them go, social services told me I was within my rights to stop contact if I had genuine concerns. The judge was not impressed because I'd not applied back to the court myself to change the order. My solicitor should have advised me to do this so I was annoyed she didn't. My advice is to document everything and take it back to court.

This must be incredibly hard but can I suggest you stop asking him. You said you asked him re half term - tell him what works for you. I'd suggest speaking to your solicitor about sending him a schedule till the end of the year based on the Court order so your DD can have it on a calendar and look forward to seeing him, so you know well in advance what birthday party invites etc you can say yes to. Make it all about her. Do not be flexible otherwise he will not change. Talk to your solicitor about fairness - personally with the children I have worked with I've seen swooping work best and seems fairest so year 1 of arrangement x has May half term and y has October and year 2 reverse. The children wouldn't always like it as they would misout potentially on say a party but they knew where they stood.

He'll let her down I'm sorry to say.

She'll know you did everything you could to make sure she still had contact with her Dad.

Also - and I'm sorry this may sound harsh but - please stop asking her wants she want. She is 5. She wants to feel safe and secure and she doesn't. She can't win with a question like that. She must have been so confused about what was the right answer as will know you don't want her to go. She will hate leaving you. Of course she wanted to come home when she heard your voice but the reality is now she has two homes.

Obviously if you have any concerns about her Dad's treatment whilst she is there that's different. Act on that but otherwise you have to bide your time with helping her get used to this new reality.

Can you not take it back to court and ask them to do a bar report?? -

An independent lawyer visits you with your DD and they also visit her with your ex, they speak to her and write up a report for the court about what is best for the child, if she says to the reporter she doesn't want to spend time with her father, they put that into the report for the judge to read. The judge will then make the best decision for your DD.