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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

AIBU to take this back to court?

608 replies

Justonedayatatime11 · 09/05/2018 08:24

Exh took me to court a few years back and obtained a CAO for our dd(4). CAO states EOW and 50% of his annual leave. Exh has rarely adhered to the CAO and can get very aggressive if I can’t change plans to accommodate him wanting to swap and change weekends. I’ve received a message from him last night saying that every weekend for the next 4 months is going to have to change, but he doesn’t know how or when.
FWIW, he’s blaming work. Now he could take the CAO to his commanding officer and have it enforced which would mean he would reliably see dd EOW. However, he’s admitted he won’t do this as ‘it will harm his chances of promotion’.
My plans for the summer are now up in the air because I now don’t know when/if he’ll be seeing dd. Not only will that potentially leave me out of pocket, but more importantly dd is getting no consistency. He’ll go for a month without seeing her and then want her for a week at a time.
To be clear, I am not trying to stop contact. Dd adores him and I wouldn’t want to take that away from her. AIBU to take this back to court and look at getting the CAO changed? I just want some consistency for her sake and some reliability for me?

OP posts:
WeirdCatLady · 29/08/2018 15:25

Hope things went well OP, take care Flowers

nononsene · 29/08/2018 15:28

Stay strong!

WitchDancer · 29/08/2018 15:33

Thinking of you, and hoping all went well today

TheMonkeyMummy · 29/08/2018 15:37

Just caught up. Good luck. Stay strong!

Melliegrantfirstlady · 29/08/2018 16:28

I remember your thread!

BlackWatchBelle · 29/08/2018 16:58

OP the suspense is gripping me! I am so hoping you are celebrating a good result and enjoying the relief

Mama1980 · 29/08/2018 17:20

I hope it went well today.

mikeyssister · 29/08/2018 18:12

Thinkking of you

dizzy174 · 29/08/2018 18:26

hope it went well for you and dd

Poloshot · 29/08/2018 18:37

Hope it went well

Justonedayatatime11 · 29/08/2018 21:15

Sorry it's taken me so long to update. Been a very very long day. Ultimately I think we came out on top, he was demanding extra time EOW and an additional 9 days holiday on top of what he originally has. He didn't get either. It's also been written into the new CAO that under no circumstances do I have to swap weekends if he can't make his.
What gets me more is that his solicitor played so dirty and was so incredibly devious and unprofessional. We agreed things outside the court room and then when we went back in front of the bench she tried to push through the exact opposite. Fortunately my solicitor was not prepared to back down and gave her what for which she really didn't like Smile. Again, when his solicitor drafted the new order she tried to sneak things in that contradicted what we'd agreed. At which point my solicitor pretty much ripped her head off and said she was prepared to take it all the way to a final hearing and not charge me a penny if necessary. Strangely enough he and his solicitor weren't too keen on that idea...
So that's that for now hopefully. We were there 5 hours and the euphoria is now wearing off and I just feel very very tired. It's been helpful to have other people tell me that actually I'm not being unreasonable, that actually I have been more than accommodating and that I'm not wrong to now want to be allowed to live my life again. In my solicitors words I'm broken but healing.
The support I've had from you lovely lot has been invaluable. There were times today where I envisioned MNers in the room with me, crazy as that sounds! I can't thank you enough

OP posts:
PerverseConverse · 29/08/2018 21:16

ThanksThanksThanksThanksThanksThanks

Uchafi · 29/08/2018 21:17

What a fabulous update. I'm so happy for you. He's a bully and you've stood up to him. I wish you and your little girl well x

ThanosSavedMe · 29/08/2018 21:18

Yay you and your solicitor. Your ex and his solicitor must have had one hell of a shock.

I don’t want to put a downer o it but I wouldn’t expect your ex to stop just yet. But you now know you can do this. You have an ace solicitor and a bunch of complete strangers behind you and backing you all the way.

Whenever you start to crumble, read this thread to show you that yanbu. You are entitled to a life without this arehe trying to control you.

myrtleWilson · 29/08/2018 21:19

Sounds like you came out more than on top just - the writing in about now swapping weekends is great for you (although will still be difficult to manage - emotionally perhaps more than practically - if he just lets you and Dd down) Whoop to your badass solicitor too.

You'll be coming off the adrenaline that has kept you going so take care of yourself, wine/hot chocolate/donuts/hot bath - whatever your poison and face tomorrow knowing that you're in a much stronger position despite his shenanigans...

Rachie1986 · 29/08/2018 21:28

So glad it went ok. Take it easy now x

DontDribbleOnTheCarpet · 29/08/2018 21:32

That's one of the best posts I've ever read on Mumsnet- well done!

TaighNamGastaOrt · 29/08/2018 21:33

Just caught up on this thread, well done OP! You've been amazing and really stood up for yourself! fingers crossed he stops being a dick and starts being a dad!
Now you know he's been reined in a bit, don't let him harass you further. Any more calls, texts, threats or downright abuse, keep on standing up for yourself and your DD and have him cautioned.
Flowers for you

sparklepops123 · 29/08/2018 21:34

Well done 💐💐

dizzy174 · 29/08/2018 21:36

lovely update :))

BlackWatchBelle · 29/08/2018 21:38

Honestly, I have been thinking of you all dY and am so please to hear you had a positive outcome hen.

Now, try to not give him anymore headspace and look after your healing self. I hope all things for you, your daughter and your dp are good and happy. My Gid you deserve it.

Oh and little cheer for your solicitor, glad you had a good one Smile

NettleTea · 29/08/2018 21:40

this is absolutely wonderful

I remember the feeling when you have been listened to, and validated. Or Vindicated. Or Both

Well done, you did what was best for your little girl

LittleButStillLoud · 29/08/2018 21:40

Have caught up on the thread now, you are amazing!
Great news about how today went Flowers

TheOrigRightsofwomen · 29/08/2018 21:41

Be kind to yourself in the new days, you will probably feel utterly drained.

Well done OP X

Domino20 · 29/08/2018 21:43

Well done x