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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Adult DD - crap with money - Aibu to be furious?

262 replies

WannaBeWonderWoman · 08/05/2018 18:34

So DD has just left on a 2 month working holiday abroad, except she had no money to take with her and won't be getting any earnings for at least 3 weeks!

We have had to bung her £200 so she can eat till then, which we can't afford as have 3 younger DC, 1 with SN and I can't work because of him.

She had £2700 go into her bank account in April (uni loan and wages) and apart from about £1000 she had to use to pay for her flight, accommodation and incidentals, and she should have saved the rest but continued going out every night! She spent over a £100 this weekend alone despite knowing she was flying today!

She lives at home, and pays no rent and only has her mobile and contact lenses to pay for.

Does nothing round the house, pisses off for days a time so we never know when she'll be in.

She hasn't even finished her Uni assignments! She quit her job 3 weeks ago as she was supposed to be spending that time finishing them before she went.

She sprang the 'I've been stupid and got no money left last night'!

The choice was her not going and having to put up with her attitude and laying in bed all day or give her some money so she could go. Least stress Angry.

Am now awaiting begging phone calls saying she has no money to eat.

Oh and she only has a one way ticket.

Aibu to have wanted to lamp her oneAngry? Also worried for her that she may not be able to eat Confused.

I certainly not the poster who previously posted about her doing similar and asking if I was UR to go through her bank statements. Definitely not me!

OP posts:
lhastingsmua · 09/05/2018 19:43

You didn’t need to give her £50 though. Could have given her £10 to make last

Now she has an extra £50, I guarantee that won’t be spent solely on food but basically on whatever she likes!

DrScully · 09/05/2018 19:44

She also seems to have a drinking problem, if she is spending this much in booze.
Very dangerous and unhealthy, and irresponsible for a parent to fund

CadyHeron · 09/05/2018 19:45

Exactly, Ihastings - that'll be the next night's drinking sesh sorted!

Snugglepumpkin · 09/05/2018 19:52

When she is a 40 year old woman & you are still doing this, shall I tell you the reason you will give then?

You will say it is your fault, because now she is too old to change & you should have done it when she was a teenager.

Look into the future OP, because even if you are a millionaire, you will never be able to give her so much she stops asking, she'll just live to the absolute limit of what you give her & always, always just a little bit more.

BiscayTrafalgarFitzroy · 09/05/2018 20:00

This thread can't be for real? You've given her another £50!?

I give her a week. Then she can work here all summer to pay me back with rent.

How are you going to make her do this when you can't even say no to her? You're deluding yourself with empty threats.

First you will only pay for her flight back then you give her more money to stay away?

You need to stop enabling her. Alternatively, keep funding her but then stop moaning about the fact that she's taking the absolute piss out of you because you can't say no to her.

choli · 09/05/2018 20:02

Where is you DDs father in all this?

Original poster
WannaBeWonderWoman · 09/05/2018 20:04

She's got a wristband so drinks are free for the week apparently, that's why I'm giving her a week so at least she'll get my moneys on worth.

She's only just got there. Why would I want to fly her back?

Hoping she'll suffer a bit when the £50 runs low.

OP posts:
Original poster
WannaBeWonderWoman · 09/05/2018 20:05

DH has just got in from work and is currently banging his head against a wall.

OP posts:
Original poster
WannaBeWonderWoman · 09/05/2018 20:05

DH is DD's father.

OP posts:
mummabearfoyrbabybears · 09/05/2018 20:05

There was a thread a few weeks ago asking if you'd charge your DC rent when they get a full time job. I said yes. After reading this I know I will. They need to be able to see how far money goes. She's had no life lessons from you because you wanted to be the nice guy. Lesson learnt all around I think.

DrScully · 09/05/2018 20:06

OP, are you going to address any of the valid points raised by posters, or continue to post weird updates where you repeat yourself, say you hope she suffers, and not acknowledge your part in this.
What are you hoping to get out of this thread?

Or are you just a troll...

Thewhothewhatnow · 09/05/2018 20:08

Have you ever heard the phrase 'a fool and their money are easily parted'?

You are being played by your daughter which I'm sure something very upsetting to accept but for the benefit of all the family, you really need to do so. Make her respect you rather than treat you like a mug. I'm not sure that you're there yet but I hope that you embrace reality soon.

coffeecupofmilk · 09/05/2018 20:08

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

BiscayTrafalgarFitzroy · 09/05/2018 20:08

Hoping she'll suffer a bit when the £50 runs low.

Oh yeah, I'm sure she'll suffer loads for the whole 2 minutes it takes you to bung her another £50 when she rings you moaning.

Myotherusernameisbest · 09/05/2018 20:09

I think all these people saying you shouldn't have sent her money haven't experienced having a dd 2000 miles away with no cash. Personally I think you did the right thing as god knows what would happen to a young girl with no cash away from home. But when she gets back you are going to have to seriously lay the law down and really mean it.

If does sound like she's totally taken advantage of you, but I don't know any parent who would not send money to a broke dd in another country even if they knew she was totally taking the piss.

Let's just hope she buys herself some food with it!

choli · 09/05/2018 20:09

Not just this thread but this behaviour? You must be getting something out of it or you would not continue it.

Graphista · 09/05/2018 20:09

Is your dh sick of you doing this too then? Did he know you were sending her more money? Is it his money too?

You really seriously need to get a grip!

Graphista · 09/05/2018 20:12

I suspect op doing it "for a quiet life" in other words cannot cope with any confrontation with dd at all - about anything.

Have you ever disciplined her for anything op?

If I were your dh I'd be taking YOUR bank card etc away so you couldn't give more to her. This is insane!

CadyHeron · 09/05/2018 20:14

Hoping she'll suffer a bit when the £50 runs low

Nah, she's got you to tap for a top up if she runs low.

Graphista · 09/05/2018 20:17

Myother - I wouldn't have facilitated a child of mine going that far away WITHOUT knowing they were good at being self sufficient and were properly organised before they went!

My dd is 17 she'd have known to make sure she had sorted foreign currency at the FAR better value place in town not the airport, saved up spending money, saved up money for fare home in a separate account, saved up for damage deposit, checked out the company she was going to be working for, and finished the uni work!

Geez when she went to France with school a few years ago she saved up to add to her spending money and checked exchange rates with me (her maths is better than mine). She even stopped a friend getting ripped off by a street vendor when they went to Paris for the day.

WomaninGreen · 09/05/2018 20:18

OP "She's only just got there. Why would I want to fly her back?"

May I join your DH in banging head against wall?

Graphista · 09/05/2018 20:18

I very much doubt she's ever truly gone without in her life, I'm thinking the siblings and parents probably do though.

coffeecupofmilk · 09/05/2018 20:19

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

SunnyTikka · 09/05/2018 20:20

I think the thread is being a bit hard on the OP. She has a teenage daughter in a foreign country with no money. Seriously, would you not send any? I would, because I couldnt bear to think of the consequences if anything went wrong. Its too little too late to deal with it while she’s over there.

OP, where you and your DH have gone wrong is by not dealing with it before now. Send her what money you have to, to keep her safe. Add it to her bill that she has to pay you back when she’s back.

AND STICK TO IT.

Puzzledandpissedoff · 09/05/2018 20:22

I suspect op doing it "for a quiet life" in other words cannot cope with any confrontation with dd at all - about anything

This ^^

Given that OP has "3 younger DC, 1 with SN and can't work because of him" I'd have thought their needs would stand above throwing money away like this, but apparently not Sad

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