Adult DD - crap with money - Aibu to be furious?

[WannaBeWonderWoman]

So DD has just left on a 2 month working holiday abroad, except she had no money to take with her and won't be getting any earnings for at least 3 weeks!

We have had to bung her £200 so she can eat till then, which we can't afford as have 3 younger DC, 1 with SN and I can't work because of him.

She had £2700 go into her bank account in April (uni loan and wages) and apart from about £1000 she had to use to pay for her flight, accommodation and incidentals, and she should have saved the rest but continued going out every night! She spent over a £100 this weekend alone despite knowing she was flying today!

She lives at home, and pays no rent and only has her mobile and contact lenses to pay for.

Does nothing round the house, pisses off for days a time so we never know when she'll be in.

She hasn't even finished her Uni assignments! She quit her job 3 weeks ago as she was supposed to be spending that time finishing them before she went.

She sprang the 'I've been stupid and got no money left last night'!

The choice was her not going and having to put up with her attitude and laying in bed all day or give her some money so she could go. Least stress .

Am now awaiting begging phone calls saying she has no money to eat.

Oh and she only has a one way ticket.

Aibu to have wanted to lamp her one? Also worried for her that she may not be able to eat .

I certainly not the poster who previously posted about her doing similar and asking if I was UR to go through her bank statements. Definitely not me!

If you had to pay rent to your parents at age 16 why on earth are you not making her?!

Can you not see this is your own fault?

It’s wll very well saying next time tell her tough luck. But if your daughter phones you from a foreign country saying she has no money to eat, you can’t just leave her to cope. I couldn’t anyway.

She hasn’t finished her uni assignments, and you’ve given her extra money to go abroad for two months

I presume she’s going to Australia? How on earth is she going to get back if she doesn’t have any money?

OP, this is madness. How old is she?! It’s time she grew up

What work is she going out to do? Holiday rep? How much does she expect to earn?

She will be fine. I blew all my Student Loan the first term at uni. Thankfully breakfast was included so I spent 8 weeks on one tiny breakfast a day. I learnt to do much better the next term.

Seriously, she will find the money for food if you say no.

Will she even be allowed in with a one way ticket? Won't the immigration people expect a return ticket?

I'd make her pay that £200 back in instalments once she starts earning money. And when she gets home, start charging her rent. That's if she can afford a flight home, if not she's a bit stuck isn't she?! Tough love, OP. You can do it!

Also - she spent 1700 on going out in a month?!?!

How do you think she is going to get home, if she only has a one way ticket?

OP said this was a working holiday so she'll just have to save her wages, even if it means she can't do much else while away ... except she probably won't do that as she knows she'll be bailed out

I also agree with charging her rent, even if you put the money aside for her future. She has been hugely irresponsible and there needs to be some major consequences..

I agree with others that you are enabling her. Maybe she should have to do something to pay her keep. Or maybe she should have to buy her own groceries from now on.

You really think she’s suddenly going to just learn? Whether you like it or not you have been enabling her and she will continue.

What age is she op?

She's massively taking the piss. Don't give her any more money, and she gives you fair rent and food money when she gets back, or moves out.

£200 is a lot of money for food for 3 weeks. I think £50 might have given her more of a wake up call, if she'd had to live off beans for 3 weeks.

She sounds infuriating but nothing you can do other than stop bailing her out. Each time you do you're enabling her unfortunately. She'll soon learn.

Gosh some harsh responses on here ....its easy to say the op shouldn't of given her the money,especially when it's not your own child.,but in all honesty really ,let her loose £700 she's already paid? ..I think a lot of uni students blow the money,it's huge responsibility for them being given such a large sum at once..I think op let her stand on her own two feet when she comes back and ask for your money to be repaid ,in fact insist she repays it..she's young ,but she will learn.weve all done silly things x

It's Cyprus. I had hoped she wouldn't go due to the stuff going on in Syria but travel advice is that's it OK. I'm bloody glad she has now.

We've tried to get her to pay rent and she has in a fashion - a grand total of £300 in the past 3 years! Other than hold her up by the ankles and shake her - how are we supposed to get money out of her?

I hadn't thought seriously about kicking her out until the last few months. This trip couldn't have soon enough.

So will she fail uni now?

You tell her she pays up or moves out!

We've tried to get her to pay rent and she has in a fashion - a grand total of £300 in the past 3 years! Other than hold her up by the ankles and shake her - how are we supposed to get money out of her?

What would any other landlord do, I wonder. 🤔

Christ

All these replies - "useless young human"??????????

I have no words.

She's not a Landlord, she's her MOTHER.

Where the fuck do these people come from at all?

Accomm, flight and travel insurance all paid for though. She would have lost close to £700.

TBH I hoped this summer away would make her grow up

Losing £700 might have made her grow up a bit. Ideally you would have contacted the other friends parents and shown a united front in not letting either of them take the piss.

You can hope all you like - but you need to see that you're helping create this.

Honestly, I was your DD. I didn't have a fucking clue. My mum always bailed me out. I was reckless with money because it had no meaning to me.

I had to get in massive debt that my mum wouldn't bail me out of before I learnt. I am totally ashamed now when I look back and see how naive and ridiculously entitled I was as a teen / young woman!

Please take it from someone very like your DD, 20 years on, you really need to let her fall. She's not learning to build her own safety net - she knows she's got yours,

I cannot believe what I'm reading... OP in the nicest possible way.. you need to man up

Difficult one OP. I think in the future you should be saying no even if she loses money. That is her problem. If she wont pay rent then you have to decide if you are willing to take her keys off her and tell her to find herself somewhere else to live. Maybe this friend who seems to be just as bad!!

Not thinking about Uni. Definitely not my problem!

We supported her going to Uni as she completely fucked up her GCSE's and had to do BTEC levels 2 and 3 to get the ACAS points. We hoped that getting further qualifications would help her get a better job, so negating the crap GCSEs (grades all Ds and Es). She did really well in her BTECs and the first year of Uni. This year it's all gone to pot , literally!