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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To put my kids first and cancel holiday 3 weeks before potentially losing a friend

171 replies

sparklyhorse · 07/05/2018 23:01

6 months ago on a whim I booked a 9 day trip to the US to see a close friend there and have a girls road trip. The trip is now 3 weeks away and I really want to cancel as I feel so guilty about leaving my children.

DD will is 3.5 and DS is 2. They will be with DP supported by DM, DMil and a close auntie while I'm away. I regularly work away (once a fortnight and sometimes once a week) but am only gone from 6pm one day til 11pm next day and the children are used to that.

DS is a happy, secure and well attached wee boy. I'm worried this will be disrupted by me being away and I will do irreparable damage to him and he will feel abandoned.

DD is totally different, is prone to anxiety, has a lot of meltdowns and is quite clingy to me. This was really triggered when I was in hospital for 3 days having DS and she never really seems to have recovered from it.

I'm reading what I've written above and can't believe I booked the holiday Blush
To explain, the friend and I are very close. She lived here in the UK for many years before moving to the US for work. She has visited me yearly 4 years in a row now and I felt it was my turn to go to her. But the idea to book was totally mine.

I have Bipolar II, nothing like normal bipolar - much more mild and consists of mostly depression with the odd period of high mood and energy (not psychotic but certainly believing I can do more than I can and taking on loads of new projects). In my last high spell I signed up for an MSc AND a coaching qualification, started a new business and booked this holiday all in a 1 week period.

My friend only gets 2 weeks holiday a year and has used a week of it for this trip. I don't know what would happen to her holiday allowance if I cancel. She's so excited about the trip.

I'm not worried about the financial costs and I would cover my friends losses too. I just feel like I'm going to be damaging my relationship with her or with my children.

Am I being ridiculous?! I would dearly love to go on the holiday. I know we will have an absolutely fantastic time. I'm exhausted from being a mum, working and all that and this break would be so nice. But I feel so guilty and don't want to damage the kids with being selfish. If I could magically cancel with no consequences I would. I've even wondered about faking an illness but what could it possibly he that would be plausible?

What should I do??

OP posts:
BlackeyedSusan · 07/05/2018 23:03

go on holiday.

they will be fine with their other competant parent who also has family support. if they are not fine you can arrange an alternative flight back.

go and enjoy yourself.

helterskelter99 · 07/05/2018 23:03

Go

The kids will be fine

Scabetty · 07/05/2018 23:04

You won’t damage your children. Go, enjoy the experience.

Newtothis2017 · 07/05/2018 23:04

Go. It will be fantastic and a much deserved break. Your dc will be fine. They will have a great time with lots of people minding and spoiling them. Go

MyDcAreMarvel · 07/05/2018 23:04

Go, your dc will be well looked after by their other parent. I went abroad for 8 days with my eldest child and left my 2 and 3 year old plys siblings with their dad. They were absolutely fine despite two of them having asd.

FrancisCrawford · 07/05/2018 23:06

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

imnotreally · 07/05/2018 23:07

Go. Your kids will be fine. It’s different mummy being away to mummy being in hospital. Enjoy the break and go back refreshed.

NeverTwerkNaked · 07/05/2018 23:07

Take the trip. Your DC will be fine. It will be lovely for you and this sounds like an important friendship. Your DC will enjoy getting post cards and calls from you

AntiHop · 07/05/2018 23:07

Go on your holiday. You deserve a bresk and your kids will be well looked after. And i think it would be really rude to let your friend down at this short notice.

Girliefriendlikesflowers · 07/05/2018 23:07

Go on the holiday, I have been abroad lots of times and left dd with her grandma, I don't appear to have broken her 😉

It's will be a wonderful opportunity for you to recharge and for your children to strengthen bonds with other family members.

Outnotdown · 07/05/2018 23:09

Go, your kids won't be affected in the slightest and you deserve a break.

I hear myself in all your worry but they will be so well looked after, they can manage without you for that long

(Don't forget to bring them something nice back)[grinGrin

WatchoutDSisdriving · 07/05/2018 23:09

Go.

I would be really pissed off if I was your friend and you cancel. It’s not just about money but the time and anticipation too.

BlondeB83 · 07/05/2018 23:10

Go! You will have a great time and the kids will be fine.

GreenTulips · 07/05/2018 23:10

If your DH went away would you even consider the impact in their relationship?

If DD is clingy to you, she'll learn that dads can help too and will be fine

Lalliella · 07/05/2018 23:10

Go! And have an amazing time. You sound like a holiday would really do you good, and everyone is supporting you in that decision. Your only critic is yourself! Your DC will be fine, they’ll have a great time with DP, DGMs and DA!

CeeCeeMacFay · 07/05/2018 23:10

Go! Your kids will be fine honestly and you sound like you need a break

dontcallmelen · 07/05/2018 23:12

Go, your dds have plenty of people looking after them who love & care for them, you sound as though a holiday would do you the world of good.

roseyposeyshmosey · 07/05/2018 23:14

go! it's a once in a life time opportunity. you don't know when you'll be able to get the chance again!

the kids will be fine!

OrchidInTheSun · 07/05/2018 23:14

Go. Have a wonderful time

WhereYouLeftIt · 07/05/2018 23:15

"I would dearly love to go on the holiday. I know we will have an absolutely fantastic time. I'm exhausted from being a mum, working and all that and this break would be so nice."
Go! Go on this holiday with your friend!

But I feel so guilty and don't want to damage the kids with being selfish."
Your kids will have a whale of a time with their dad and their grannies. They will not be damaged, and you are not being selfish.

MiddleClassProblem · 07/05/2018 23:15

Go! It wouldn’t be irreparable.

I have a girls holiday in September although we’ve all booked the time we are going to book a last minute deal but I’m secretly hoping it will fall through as being away from DD worries me. Only done a hen weekend before. However, if it is on, I know it will be great for me. Although I’m my case DD probably won’t care too much.

Slanetylor · 07/05/2018 23:17

Absolutely go. Set up FaceTime or Skype before you go and use it often. If it’s causing you anxiety I’d maybe check flights coming home earlier, maybe day 6 instead of 9? But do go.

MiddleClassProblem · 07/05/2018 23:22

Yes and maybe buy some extra data incase WiFi is not there or shit.

Sassy306 · 07/05/2018 23:22

Go! You have the support from your DP and family plus it's not like the olden days..unless your going to a remote mountain you can Skype or similar everyday. It might actually be good for your children plus their mummy will come back brand new and refreshed. Just make sure you bring back some fabulous gifts :)

Jamiefraserskilt · 07/05/2018 23:23

Your kids are young. It is unlikely they will be permanently damaged by you going away.
The benefit to you by having a break will give them a happier mum..
I highly recommend speaking to camhs and asking whether they have any courses available to help with handling children's anxiety. The cool kids program is excellent but she may be too young. The great thing is that they teach you how to handle yours which tends to feed theirs. They may have a special one for younger children.
Your kids will be well looked after. Go. Enjoy.

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