To say no to summer holiday childcare even though she'll have to pay someone else

[CherryChasingDotMuncher]

We have a neice who is 7 (she is DH’s brother’s little girl). Over the years we have looked after her quite a lot during the school holidays or when they have no other childcare. Her parents (who have been split up for some time) are always skint, and are vocal about this, which is one of the reasons we help out.

I don’t really mind looking after her, I only work 3 days a week and my own DD (5) gets on really well with her. I was on maternity leave last year and in the summer holidays I watched her 2-3 times a week, every week. I think it’s important to point out that there has never been an offer, from either parent, to look after our DC in return. when the schools are off DD goes to holiday club for £26 a time (on top of £50 a day Nursery fees for DS).

Ex-SIL is now a student and, like BIL, terrible with money. She blew her student maintenance grant on investing in Bitcoin (after it crashed) and on designer clothes for her DD (which are now being flogged on Facebook). She asked me to look after DN in the Easter holidays, to which I said yes and did so on my days off. She wasn’t at Uni but works in retail on a casual contract so was ‘desperate’ (her words) to work and earn some money.

When she came to collect her on the last day I looked after her, she was bragging about how her parents are selling their house and giving her her inheritance early, and how she is going to take her DD on 4 holidays (including one to Dubai) and put her in private school.

She does have a form for huge exaggerations so I’m not sure if this is true or if she will get the amount she claims she will (£200k). I'm not sure when this money is falling into her lap.

She has text today asking if she can ‘book us in’ now for summer holiday childcare, and said it would be easiest to know which Mondays and Fridays (my days off) I can’t do and work it that way.

WIBU to tell her to FOTTFSOFAFOSM? This may sound petty but I don’t see why some of us should have to pay through the nose for Nursery and holiday clubs, when she apparently has all this cash to flash yet wants us for free childcare. Like I say I don’t mind looking after DN, but it’s restrictive as we have to stay in the house (rural and car not big enough for 3 car seats), I make her breakfast lunch and dinner (paid for by us) and if we do somehow make it out we pay for activities, suncream, ice lollies etc. Not a penny is ever offered (but I don't begrudge it either). Are they (I include BIL in this because, whilst Ex-SIL orchestrates it, BIL is hardly forthcoming with gratitude or help) a pair of CFs, or am I being childish?

I won’t really to her to fuck off but I do feel like replying to say sorry can’t do any childcare at all in the holidays. It hasn’t been agreed beforehand BTW, I think they've assumed because we’ve done it every year for the last 3 years, we'll do it this year.

Even if she offered a bit of money you’d never see it......

I refuse to believe they are completely out of white wine :)

Her bitcoin investment will have well paid off by now, she can cash it in for childcare.

No, I haven't read the rest of the thread. But I do love me some bitcoin.

She should have invested in ETH at the same time, raking it in atm.

I’d message her back saying that you’d really appreciate it if she could return the favour and have your dd for a couple of days too what with the holiday club being so pricey. And ask her to let you know when she’s free!

OP what about grandparents on either side or other siblings? Can no one else help or have they all kept their heads down?

Love the way Cal supports the CF. Takes one to know one I suppose

So the mutual respect you talked of earlier cal shouldn't apply to the ex sil? She should take several years worth of free childcare but when she comes into money she should put that to private education not returning any of the favours or finances owed to OP?
No one can think that is reasonable

I see CalF has hit the thread to spread some joy! .

Just ignore the twatty “advice”.

Ignore goady Calf, she's just a silly moo who can't/won't read the parts where SIL has blown money on bitcoin and designer clothes and never, ever offers anything in return ...

Well done OP hope it makes her stop and think. Although CFs of this magnitude rarely have any self awareness, I find.

Well done OP!

Wonder what she's going to reply...

If they are both students then they should be able to claim 85% of their childcare costs from student finnce anyway?

I think for the sake of the relationship a few days over the summer is fine. But she has taken you for granted. So the bigger problem is you dont feel appreciated. Sounds like Sil owes you some return favours and gratitude

Her reply says it all.......she might be feeling a bit screwed but only because she assumed. And why would you ever say it to the person you were asking a favour of!!!

Pisstaker!
I used to do all sorts of swaps. I had 13 kids inc my ONE dd day ne day in the summer hols.
That got me 2 weeks childcare by other people having her in exchange. Worked great s

CalF123

What a load of bollocks! She can’t afford a sleepover ... she already pays for the roof over her head so she can provide a sleepover! It costs nothing, and please don’t bang on about not being able to give her tea or breakfast when the OP as been providing that for years! 3 meals a day and snacks!

Well done OP. She's so out of order trying to make you feel bad too. Showing her true colours.

Reciprocity. That's the only thing she could do to save this situation.

£26/day IS good!

You will have to pay it for your DD on the days SHE doesn't reciprocate looking after your DD.

£26 a day as well! That is reasonably priced! Poor women will have to rope someone else into doing her bidding

Where’s DN’s dad in all this? Maybe he’d like to look after his dd. I think the assumption is the worst part along with the lack of appreciation. A sleepover or an afternoon of looking after OP’s kids would be a nice gesture. Flowers wouldn’t cost much nor would a bottle of wine. Especially given that the OP is saving her a lot of money.

WELL DONE OP!

She's a cheekyfucker alright.

Also £26 is mega mega cheap. £40+ here!

You should also let her know that she can get financial help with childcare via student funding. The help is free and covers a large percentage of the costs

I really don't get the backlash against the SIL on here. She will be working full time. The OP doesn't. It's a perfectly normal and reasonable request to ask for childcare, especially when they both have DDs so close in age.

Oh, good one ,CalF, I nearly thought you were serious.

If you are serious, you’re insane.

Have you provided free childcare for anyone for weeks on end for several years?? No. Thought not.

Relationships with family can flourish with regular meet ups at weekends and family gatherings. They don’t need to happen on weekdays during school holidays. And kids soon pick up when things are one way.

Stick to your guns OP.

Cal are you missing the part where OP has obliged for the past few years?

She's not just this minute been asked for the first time. She's done her bit.

There's a limit to the amount you ask from someone without reciprocation, you know. Otherwise, you're a user.

Well done op ☺️

Latest reply:

Cherry I won't be seeing that money any time soon my parents haven't even sold the house yet and when they do I'm not sure how much I'll be getting. It definitely won't have gone through by June. I doubt BIL will take any time off at all you know what he's like [shes right, he's a useless twat]. Is there any chance that DNiece can tag along to things you've got planned and either me or BIL will pay for her and she could just sit in the back with a seatbelt on or I could drop her wherever you're going?

Soooo the inheritance boast was bollocks then it's not entirely true about all our days out so I don't know what to say I'm a crappy liar 😬

OP what about grandparents on either side or other siblings? Can no one else help or have they all kept their heads down?

Grandparents on DH's side work FT (except for MIL who is off Thursdays) and her parents are alcoholics so she won't leave DN with them (thank god!). She hasn't exactly got the life of Riley hence us helping in the first place.

If they are both students then they should be able to claim 85% of their childcare costs from student finnce anyway?

It's just exSIL who's a student, BIL works FT.
Do they both have to be students?

WINE UPDATE*

He brought back red wine. I hate red wine off to ratch the cupboards while I ponder my reply.