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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Is it stingy to host a bbq and not provide alcohol?

257 replies

Tobythecat · 07/05/2018 13:05

I will provide all the food and side dishes etc and soft drinks, but aibu to not provide alcohol? I don't drink and one of my friends is a heavy drinker and will probably guzzle the lot, plus booze is so expensive as some only drink wine.

OP posts:
XiCi · 08/05/2018 08:31

How empty and boring life must be if it revolves around the consumption of a liquid at every event, occasion and gathering. Very sad indeed

What total bullshit . Just because you enjoy a bottle of beer at a bbq doesn't mean your life revolves around alcohol. Judgemental drama queen or what!!

ICantCopeAnymore · 08/05/2018 08:34

Me, a drama queen?

I'm not the one who is posting things like OMG you simply MUST provide alcohol or everyone will DIE and you will end up ALONE and friendless because you are so RUDE Wink

I find that many people's lives revolve around alcohol, actually. Work colleagues can't wait to get home to wine and gin. People I know seem to only be able to talk about what they're going to drink on the weekend and how much of it etc.

Very empty.

XiCi · 08/05/2018 08:38

Surely you can see though Murphys that it's a completely different situation if you live somewhere hot like Aus and your having bbqs constantly. Of course the etiquette there will be very different. In the UK we only get to host a bbq about twice a year Grin. It's therefore not too much of a hardship to provide a few crates of beer and some food for your guests

XiCi · 08/05/2018 08:44

OMG you simply MUST provide alcohol or everyone will DIE and you will end up ALONE and friendless because you are so RUDE wink

Sort of proves my drama queen point Wink

People I know seem to only be able to talk about what they're going to drink on the weekend and how much of it

Yep, does sound tedious. Haven't experienced this. Sounds like you just need some new friends!

ICantCopeAnymore · 08/05/2018 08:49

I think the point has gone over your head, as I'm describing the people on this post talking about alcohol like it's oxygen Biscuit

Oh, they're not my friends. I don't really associate with drinkers.

ICantCopeAnymore · 08/05/2018 08:49

Sorry, I meant Grin not Biscuit!!

Branleuse · 08/05/2018 08:50

I think get a case of those cheap bottles of belgian beer.

erniepigy · 08/05/2018 09:15

You could use a bottle of cheapish wine and mix it to make a punch, sangria type thing with fruit in and have some soft drinks too then just tell everyone to 'bring a bottle'. Just say to bring whatever they drink as you don't keep alcohol. Most guests will usually bring something anyway as a gift, or SHOULD do lol.

Sprinklesinmyelbow · 08/05/2018 10:53

You do sound like total drama queens. People don’t need coke, OJ, elderflower cordial either but it would be odd to only supply tap water.

Drinking on social occasions doesn’t mean anything like what you’re turning it into. Yes alcohol is well ingrained into U.K. culture. Shouldn’t be a surprise to anyone who is part of that culture should it?

God only knows what the is all about

DiegoMadonna · 08/05/2018 11:00

I have been to many barbecues (in the UK) where the hosts provide beer, but I've been to more where they have said "BYOB" and I've happily done so.

LemonysSnicket · 08/05/2018 15:39

If you don’t drink it’s fine, just chuck a BYOB on the end of the invite and people will bring what they like to drink x

OliviaStabler · 08/05/2018 16:37

This thread is an eye opener. I've never been to a BBQ where you are expected to provide food or drink. I'd always take along something with me such as a few bottles of wine and / or possibly some expensive steak or cheese but that is what a polite guest would do.

I wouldn't want to attend a BBQ with a 'no alcohol' policy.

CaffeineAndCrochet · 08/05/2018 16:51

We had a BBQ yesterday. 8 of us in total - we bought enough meat and bread rolls for everybody, a couple of bowls of salad and some crisps but people were free to bring along whatever else they wanted, including alcohol. Anyone who brought along food added it to the communal table - all the meat got cooked up and was available for everyone to eat.

Celebelly · 08/05/2018 17:13

I would always take my own booze to a bbq unless otherwise informed. Also, when I've gone to barbecues before, people often turn up with extra buns and meat. I'd feel a bit weird pitching up with nothing and expecting to be catered for - I see a barbecue as a communal thing, not like going round to someone's house to be cooked dinner. Everyone pitches in and takes turns in my social circle!

dwab45 · 08/05/2018 17:36

No.

funkky · 08/05/2018 17:44

I wouldn’t have a bbq or a party of any kind if I couldn’t provide enough food and drinks including alcohol for my guests. If people brought drinks fine, there will be left overs.

VileyRose · 08/05/2018 17:46

We always take food and drink and people do for ours too.

Micksee15 · 08/05/2018 17:47

I had this situation and asked people to bring their own drink. one CF brought 4, 2litre bottles of cheap pop, drank alcohol then asked on the way out if they could take the pop they'd brought as nobody had touched it 😂😂

Belleoverandover · 08/05/2018 17:47

Definitely not unreasonable. Just make everyone knows upfront. As others have suggested have some chilled soft drinks/mixers and definitely have ice! Don't worry about having not enough room in your fridge for people to chill their drinks, get a large plastic storage box, half fill with ice then add some cold water. Enjoy your BBQ!

Ohfuckinghellwhatnow · 08/05/2018 17:47

YANBU if you are buying all the food and doing all the cooking! I think it's the nirm these days to take a bottle or cans along anyway. Be upfront and politely request your guests bring a drink, but maybe have a little in reserve just in case. Have a nice party 😊

Oliversmumsarmy · 08/05/2018 17:58

If people brought drinks fine, there will be left overs

But I don't want left overs. It just clutters up th house before it is either binned or I find someone who wants the stuff.

Strongmummy · 08/05/2018 18:05

Yes. Provide a couple of bottles but tell your guests they will need to provide the rest

PookieDo · 08/05/2018 18:06

I always take my own, I don’t know if I would even like what a host has and it’s just easier to take what I like

I wouldn’t be offended or expect it provided

Cookies2015 · 08/05/2018 18:18

Nope I don't drink and begrudge having to buy it. My husband however usually gets a few beers in but people tend to bring their own just let them know beforehand. If I'm going to a bbq I always take my own soft drink!

bialystockandbloom · 08/05/2018 18:19

I'd never turn up at a party/dinner party/bbq without bringing at least a bottle of wine so I'd assume your friends would do the same OP.

But I'd also never host any kind of party without providing drinks of all kinds, including alcohol, whether I was drinking myself or not. It's just part of being the host. Think it's bizarre and rude not to, tbh. But clearly I'm in a minority here.