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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Is it stingy to host a bbq and not provide alcohol?

257 replies

Tobythecat · 07/05/2018 13:05

I will provide all the food and side dishes etc and soft drinks, but aibu to not provide alcohol? I don't drink and one of my friends is a heavy drinker and will probably guzzle the lot, plus booze is so expensive as some only drink wine.

OP posts:
FuzzyCustard · 07/05/2018 19:22

Yes I have been to quite a lot. In the days when I didn't know better! (And I have hosted BBQs too, but obviously not as booze-fuelled as expected!)

SusanneLinder · 07/05/2018 19:28

I would expect to bring my own alcohol to a BBQ. If we host, we usually provide some beer or wine ( small amount), and soft drinks.

TheDowagerCuntess · 07/05/2018 19:34

I can't imagine hosting a BBQ and not enduring the fridge is well-stocked. Guests will bring a bottle / some beers, but I would provide enough to cover the number invited, regardless.

But then, we're not teetotal.

I would probably provide a couple of bottles of wine and a 6-pack, and recommend people BYO.

ElspethTascioni · 07/05/2018 19:35

I thought this was going to be reverse - that’s how far from unreasonable I think it is!

CheeseRollingChampion · 07/05/2018 20:26

I've never provided alcohol for a bbq. I usually say I have food and soft drinks, bring your own booze.

LipstickHandbagCoffee · 07/05/2018 20:27

I think that’s fine,you’ve made it clear they can BYOB

SilverySurfer · 07/05/2018 23:55

I'm shocked that if you are invited to a social event, for some it's the norm to not only take a bottle (entirely normal) but also food. I have visions of everyone sitting round the bbq with their bottle hidden beneath their seat and each person with tongs in hand cooking their sausage or hamburger or piece of steak.

So what does the host pay for? The charcoal? Hmm

CadyHeron · 08/05/2018 00:12

I'd have no problem with a bring your own booze BBQ. Traditional,surely?
I think doing a big bowl of punch like someone said would be good, and then people bring their own and you provide the food.
Let them know, it'll be fine.

DrCoconut · 08/05/2018 00:38

It wouldn't even occur to me to serve alcohol at a barbecue. I grew up without it and don't bother with it now. Don't people just have juice or pop, especially if it's a day time event?

Puffycat · 08/05/2018 00:43

Personally I wouldn’t host a party without providing wine and beer. I understand it’s expensive and if you don’t drink I do see your point, but.........you gotta offer guests a drink
Do a BAB

happymummy12345 · 08/05/2018 00:56

I wouldn't not provide it. Also I'd never ever ask anyone to bring their own, that to me is the height of bad manners. If you host, you provide

Frannibananni · 08/05/2018 00:56

It's only a BBQ - not a wedding. Completely normal for it to be byo alcohol. Just make sure everyone knows.

DiegoMadonna · 08/05/2018 01:14

The term "BYOB" exists for a reason, OP!

Oliversmumsarmy · 08/05/2018 01:21

We have parties. We never provide alcohol.

We are Teetotal we provide food, soft drinks and music and if people want to bring alcohol they can. There is no way I would be stocking up beers and wine etc that would just clutter the house up if they weren't drunk.

Most people don't bother drinking and every one has said how much they have enjoyed themselves.

TheDowagerCuntess · 08/05/2018 03:27

SilverySurfer - right?!

As ever, Mumsnet is such a window into worlds outside your own.

Can't imagine hosting any kind of social do (and they're pretty much all BBQs over summer down our way), and not making sure I provide food, drink and booze for all.

Of course people bring stuff as well (because nobody wants to turn up empty-handed) but when I cater, I don't count that.

LoniceraJaponica · 08/05/2018 06:06

It isn't the height of rudeness to ask people to bring drinks happymummy. It really isn't. Have you never been to any social gathering where people have done this? Not even as a teenager or student?

IMO it is the height of rudeness to turn up at an event like this empty handed.

Mortallie · 08/05/2018 07:02

Not U at all OP.

I have given up alcohol after many years of struggling with it. If I were to host a BBQ I would make it clear I wouldn't provide but people could bring if they wished and probably tell them why - although friends and family know I struggle with it.

UrgentScurryfunge · 08/05/2018 07:44

We used to provide alcohol years ago but stopped after dumping away loads of out of date lagers etc that we would never drink. Our friends like things like micro brewery beers and try different things so it's easier for all for them to bring it, and no wastage.

For food, we buy simple (but decent quality) burgers and sausages and the baps, salad, nibbles etc. Friends bring any fancier meats.

You could come and have a good time on the basics provided. Guests bring the expensive luxury items.

ICantCopeAnymore · 08/05/2018 07:49

This thread is really sad. It just goes to show how Brits think that you HAVE to have alcohol and that you need to make sure you provide it because people must drink and if they don't the world will implode.

How empty and boring life must be if it revolves around the consumption of a liquid at every event, occasion and gathering. Very sad indeed.

CurlyWurlyTwirly · 08/05/2018 07:57

Absolutely fine.
To be honest, I don’t drink, so if I am invited to a bbq I often take food and some soft drinks.
BBQs are a communal thing so I feel everyone should contribute a bit.

If I am hosting I usually have a box of cold beers ready until whatever everyone else brings chills.

VileyRose · 08/05/2018 07:59

I never provide alcohol!

PeachesandPie · 08/05/2018 08:13

Absolutely fine! In our social circle we do byo booze and meat, hosts provide bread, soft drinks and salads etc. It tends to be the same couple of people hosting all the time as others don't have gardens; if they had to pay for every thing they wouldn't be able to host and the social gatherings wouldn't happen. Imo it's unreasonable to expect your friends to pay for your food and drink, you wouldn't if you went out so why should they in their home. They are being hospitable by opening their home to you and providing the basics.

diddl · 08/05/2018 08:21

"It just goes to show how Brits think that you HAVE to have alcohol and that you need to make sure you provide it because people must drink and if they don't the world will implode."

It does read like that, doesn't it?

murphys · 08/05/2018 08:27

Yes it is stingy - very

No it is not. It may shock some here to know that in other parts of the world, where bbqing is a regular occurrence at weekends, it is quite the norm to take along your own meat, booze plus a salad. It gets very very expensive to cater for everyone just for a general get together. If it is for a special occasion, then that is different.

It goes without saying here.... if you get invited to a bbq, you take your own meat and booze, unless you are told otherwise.

In a group of friends, you can be sure to get an invite to somebodys house every weekend. Could you imagine if you had to cater for everyone each time. We would never see one another ha ha. It is all a very casual affair. Turn up and said time. Haul in your coolbox. Give meat to the bbq master, salad to the hostess. Plonk your crisps, or whatever snack you brought along onto the table where everyone else plonked their packets. Ask who remembered to bring ice, always the most organized chap will have his coolbox loaded with ice with his beers in it. Grab a glass, a chair and enjoy the day. The only rule is ..... the owner of the house is the bbq master of the day.

It doesn't need to be complicated.

Ickyockycocky · 08/05/2018 08:30

Alcohol has become so important to so many, yet it’s not good for so many reasons.