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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Is it stingy to host a bbq and not provide alcohol?

257 replies

Tobythecat · 07/05/2018 13:05

I will provide all the food and side dishes etc and soft drinks, but aibu to not provide alcohol? I don't drink and one of my friends is a heavy drinker and will probably guzzle the lot, plus booze is so expensive as some only drink wine.

OP posts:

somethingunique · 07/05/2018 16:41

I would always take my own booze to a dinner party, bbq etc. I definitely wouldn't expect the host to provide it! Even if I go to my parents I'll take a bottle of wine or some beers.
If I was hosting I'd have a few drinks in to offer at the beginning but I would expect people to bring their own stuff too.

UnreasonablyPissedOff · 07/05/2018 16:45

XiCi I don't think it is a wealth thing either. We are not wealthy by millionaire standards but we only invite people when we can host them. It is just the way it is for us.

I am still wondering how the 'bring meat to a BBQ' works though!

TomRavenscroft · 07/05/2018 16:46

I'm gobsmacked at the stories of being invited to a bbq and having to bring the food. What an unbelievable cheek. Surprised they didn't charge to use the loo as well!!

Do
n't be so silly.

BigSandyBalls2015 · 07/05/2018 16:47

I can't imagine attending or hosting a BBQ where there is no alcohol!!

XiCi · 07/05/2018 16:47

I imagine you must eat what you bring. I'd be really pissed off if I brought some prime rib eye and ended up with someone elses value sausage

LoniceraJaponica · 07/05/2018 16:48

If it is a harvest dinner party then yes, but not normally. The only barbecues I have attended where we took our own meat were both large birthday parties where it would have been prohibitively expensive to provide anything other than budget sausages and burgers. Everyone was fine with it and not at all offended.

thetriangleisarealinstrument · 07/05/2018 16:50

I think thats fine as long as you make it very clear when you invite people that they need to bring their own. I always get a few bottles of cheap wine in and a box of beers but in my experience most people come with their own booze anyway... unless its like a formal family gathering or something.
Id always take a bottle of wine or whatever I was drinking to a friends BBQ, id not expect there to always be booze.

FuzzyCustard · 07/05/2018 16:50

I think it's perfectly ok. I don't really get the idea that there has to be alcohol at every social occasion. Nice "grown up" soft drinks are more than fine.

LoniceraJaponica · 07/05/2018 16:50

With bring your own meat you cook it yourself or supervise the cooking of it. I wouldn't ask people to bring their own BTW because we wouldn't invite a large crowd anyway, and I would provide everything, plus some alcohol and soft drinks.

UnreasonablyPissedOff · 07/05/2018 16:51

See, this thread IS fascinating!

Thanks for coming back Lonicera but HOW does it work?

Does everyone cook their own food on the BBQ? or does the host cook it? I am still trying to picture it on a practical level.

UnreasonablyPissedOff · 07/05/2018 16:52

Oh - crossed posts there! Thanks for answering

CuriousaboutSamphire · 07/05/2018 16:54

Wow! There are some really odd responses here, now!

I can't imagine thinking it is all that important. If someone who has invited you to dinner, a BBQ etc is providing good food, good company etc, why on Earth would you get pissed off if they said they weren't providing booze? You just decide whether or not you can afford to take your own and reply accordingly!

We often choose to invite people to a meal that costs a bloody fortune in time and money. Good friends will often offer to bring booze, starters, dessert etc. Depending on who is coming we say yes or no.

Just as if we are invited I will ask, I often take odd things like a salad dressing or ice cream sauce, it depends. But everyone we share food times with does that. Some more than others, and yes some do arrive with shite alcohol, expecting to swap it for the good stuff, just like they did in their teens. But we are all adults... we just deal with it!

Onlyoldontheoutside · 07/05/2018 16:55

Totally acceptable,your providing the BBQ they bring drinks.I thought this was normal .watched people arrive for a neighbour BBQ yesterday and they mostly had bottles,beer,I think the etiquette is to take a bit more than you would drink yourself!

Laiste · 07/05/2018 16:56

''If i'm asked to bring food I'm not paying out for enough prime steak for everyone to have some so now i really can't think of what i'd bring ...''.

You just bring a big bag of sausages or chicken legs or burgers or whatever that you can afford.

LipstickHandbagCoffee · 07/05/2018 16:58

If asked to bring food,you’d bring adequate for yourself.not expectedto feed all guests

CuriousaboutSamphire · 07/05/2018 16:58

Lonicera we have done something similar. That time we provided the booze and the BBQ. 4 or 5 people brought their favourite BBQ food, others provided salads, bread and desserts, and we all shared in the cooking. It got a bit loud, and quite messy, but it was fun.

One friend brought a huge rib of pork and used the BBQ overnight to make the best ribs I have ever tasted. He sort of ran a master class of how not to waste the last of your BBQ heat.

Now we don't have a big garden I might have to persuade someone else to do something similar

bigchris · 07/05/2018 17:00

If someone invited us to a bbq I'd take a bottle and a dessert, or flowers too

No one would ask me to it would just be manners to take something for the host

Ickyockycocky · 07/05/2018 17:00

I wouldn’t provide it, as we don’t drink alcohol. I don’t think it’s obligatory if you’re being good enough to provide food.

Sofabitch · 07/05/2018 17:02

We usually ask everyone to bring a contribution. People are usually good and bring a wide range of food and drinks.

But thats why they arw my friends

Daifuku9 · 07/05/2018 17:03

Definitely nothing wrong with that, nor is it stingy as you yourself don’t drink. I do not drink either, and if I hosted a party, I would simply let the guests know that it’s BYOB.

BakedBeans47 · 07/05/2018 17:05

YANBU. Making it BYOB is fine

Notevilstepmother · 07/05/2018 17:08

Some people here are very rudea d obviously haven’t experienced being short on money but long on wonderful friends. Not everyone can afford to host and pay for everything. If someone is opening up their home and garden but can’t afford food and drinks for everyone it is still lovely of them to be the host and provide the venue. None of my friends would object to a barbecue where we get together and people bring stuff and share. In fact it is a lovely thing to do. It is best to have a little organisation to ensure you don’t get no chicken and loads of potato salad or whatever, but it works fine for lots of people. Life is too short to avoid getting together due to financial worries.

Notevilstepmother · 07/05/2018 17:09

As for the OP, as a non drinker I would never expect her to provide booze regardless of cost. BYOB is perfectly ok.

madsiemoomoo · 07/05/2018 17:14

The bbq's I go to always have a byob policy (and often a food contribution) and we always have loads as everyone brings enough for about 3 people YANBU

SunshineandRain18 · 07/05/2018 17:14

I always take me own! Would never expect the host to provide it! Its bloody expensive!

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