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AIBU?

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Original poster

Is it stingy to host a bbq and not provide alcohol?

257 replies

Tobythecat · 07/05/2018 13:05

I will provide all the food and side dishes etc and soft drinks, but aibu to not provide alcohol? I don't drink and one of my friends is a heavy drinker and will probably guzzle the lot, plus booze is so expensive as some only drink wine.

OP posts:
Jux · 07/05/2018 14:39

Round our way, everyone brings a bit of everything. The last one we went to we took sausages, burgers, marinaded chicken, buns, salad, pudding, drinks. That's about what everyone else brings too.

There are some people who simply can't afford meat, or even much beyond a few buns, so if everyone who can afford to brings loads then those who can't afford to get a good feed too. No one goes without.

Splodgeinc · 07/05/2018 14:41

Of course not. I have friends who don’t drink because they don’t like it, due to alcoholism and due to religion. I would not expect any of them to provide alcohol. If going to one of their parties I politely enquirer if it would cause offence if I bring a bottle. Sometimes I am told the event is dry and then I am happy with soft drinks.

Aeroflotgirl · 07/05/2018 14:43

Tell them your on a budget, if people want alcohol can they being their own. It can end up costing more than the food, and is very expensive if people drink like fish.

Namajesty · 07/05/2018 14:47

A BBQ is food. Alcohol isn't cooked on a BBQ so yes they should bring their own. I have a BBQ every day in summertime (if it's not raining) so I'd be pretty skint if I had to buy everyone's beer each day too. Nobody that I am related too or friends with would expect me to pay for their alcohol either. Just like I wouldn't expect them to pay for me. It's like asking if you should provide cigarettes for smokers. Grin if you want a drink then bring a drink by all means but do know that I invited you for a BBQ so you will be given free food and free food only.

Of course I do provide squash and bottled water for them small kids and I buy a crate of cans of pop for the older kids. And sometimes people bring cold food/side salads and extra bits for me to cook. None of this is asked for they just want to chip in which is completely fine as there is more to go around.

LipstickHandbagCoffee · 07/05/2018 14:49

You’re v generous host to provide food.make it clear it’s BYOB
Personally I’d be happy with soft drinks
I’d expect folk who are “big”drinkers to bring their own booze

Furano · 07/05/2018 14:49

I’d do two bottles of pimms worth of pimms and lemonade, and tell everyone to bring what they want to drink.

MummyMummy01 · 07/05/2018 15:02

Your providing food so byob is fine. I remember being invited to a bbq and a food list went round for you to tick of what you were taking. Included bread rolls and a bottle of red sauce That was also byob.

Violetroselily · 07/05/2018 15:08

People can bring their own alcohol or go without

They’re not going to die of thirst - you’re providing soft drinks

ChoudeBruxelles · 07/05/2018 15:10

Wed always take alcohol to a bbq (and probably some food)

HeedMove · 07/05/2018 15:11

Every single time I have went to a bbq everyone has always took their own drink and I always take mine. I thought it was an unspoken rule.

Aria2015 · 07/05/2018 15:38

I think it's fine. If I was hosting I'd expect people to bring a bottle anyway. Maybe just give a heads up and say, bring a bottle if you fancy drinking so that they can come prepared!

UnreasonablyPissedOff · 07/05/2018 16:00

I always find these threads fascinating as it is so different from my social experience. Just shows how different social norms are!

If we are hosting anything from a family lunch to a BBQ to a party we provide food and drink for the guests. Pretty much all guests will bring a bottle of wine / bubbles / beer and flowers / chocolate without ever being asked. We do the same when invited to friends houses. Works perfectly. The host provides the welcome drinks for as long as the supply lasts and sometimes moves onto opening some of the drinks brought by the guests, depending on how long people stay and how many are drinking etc.

We had a summer party last year for about 50 people and dh and I made pitchers of mojitos to kick the party off - we went through about 3 bottles of rum and it was a great start to the night. We also had some (cheap) Aldi beer / wine and then guests brought drink with them. We also provided the nibbles and food.

I have never been at a BBQ where I have been asked to bring my own food and drink.

I am living in Ireland and I am not sure it is a thing here (am sure someone will be on to dispute this now!)

XiCi · 07/05/2018 16:14

I also have never been to a bbq where drinks havent been provided. Have never been asked to bring any either though would always take a token something for the host. I'm gobsmacked at the stories of being invited to a bbq and having to bring the food. What an unbelievable cheek. Surprised they didn't charge to use the loo as well!!

LoniceraJaponica · 07/05/2018 16:22

XiCi you must move in wealthier circles thsn us. Whenever there is a social gathering our hosts have always provided some drinks, but it is accepted practice to bring some as well. We have also been to barbecues where we have brought our own meat, but the hosts have laid on bread, salads etc. I actually prefer to bring a really nice piece of steak or some marinated free range chicken than eat some budget sausages and burgers.

ThroughThickAndThin01 · 07/05/2018 16:25

Agree XiCi I find it odd.

UnreasonablyPissedOff · 07/05/2018 16:25

XiCi I wonder if it is a cultural thing?

Our friends always act as we do and it is perfectly normal for us.

My UK inlaws (living in Ireland) always, always, always turn up empty handed to every occasion. It used it irritate me a bit but now it amuses me! There are lots of them and a couple of times a year we host a lunch to get everyone together for a catch up as all live in different areas. We cook for between 25 - 30 each time and provide all drinks and not one of them would bring as much as a bottle of coke! I am amazed....But I just don't think it was a thing MIL grew up with and so it was never really passed on to the (grown up) dc..., mind you they should know better by now!

They also ask people to bring stuff along to parties etc - like bring a dessert etc. I didn't grow up with this and would never dream of asking anyone to bring food to my house if I have invited them over.

LipstickHandbagCoffee · 07/05/2018 16:28

I'm gobsmacked at the stories of being invited to a bbq and having to bring the food
Really? All BBQ I have attended you take food or drinks,you certainly offer
If the host vehemently told me not to bring food or drink I wouldn’t

UnreasonablyPissedOff · 07/05/2018 16:29

LoniceraJaponica can I ask you how this works?

If you are asked to bring meat to a BBQ and you decide to bring steak do you cook it yourself and eat it yourself while the person next to you is eating their value pack sausages or whatever?

Or do you try to estimate how many people will be there and bring steak for everyone?

I am confused and honestly could NOT imagine rocking up to a BBQ with enough steak for me, dh and dd.....

LoniceraJaponica · 07/05/2018 16:31

I don't think it is cultural. I think it is to do with how wealthy you are.

TwittleBee · 07/05/2018 16:32

We always have a "Bring Your Own Booze" and jist provide mixers. Been like that in all social circles I've had BBQs with. I'd also never dream of turning up to a BBQ without something to add to the booze table (or whatever I was drinking when pregnant) and if always ask the host too if I could bring anything else along like salad etc.

YANBU!

If you're worried though just ensure people who are coming are away of the Being Your Own Booze policy xx

Dowser · 07/05/2018 16:32

Not stingy at all
In fact I wouldn’t dream of turning up to a bbq without providing something
I’d be driving so would probably bring a fever tree tonic with a noggin of gin

Ski4130 · 07/05/2018 16:35

I'm having a BBQ and said we'd be doing the food and some sangria, but for everyone to bring their own drink of preference for later. We've lived in both the UK and NZ and it's always been the norm amongst our friends in both hemispheres.

Puzzledandpissedoff · 07/05/2018 16:37

A huge bowl of punch is your answer and then guests can bring anything else they fancy

2 Litres red wine
1 Litre clear ginger ale
1 Litre soda water
Half a can of frozen, concentrated OJ (Boil off/reduce regular OJ if you can't find it)

Decorate with lots of fruit and keep cool with a block of ice sealed in something so it doesn't water it down

BoxsetsAndPopcorn · 07/05/2018 16:40

XICI, I agree, Very weird to issue an invite but then to expect guests to bring their own food and drink. Don't invite people if catering is begrudged that much.

XiCi · 07/05/2018 16:40

So if you were invited to dinner Lonerica would you expect to bring your own starter? I've honestly never heard of bringing your own food to a bbq. If I invite people to my home whether it be for drinks, dinner, lunch, bbq I expect to provide food and drink. All my friends and family are the same. I don't think it's a wealth thing either. Its just the done thing within my social circle