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AIBU?

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Original poster

Is it stingy to host a bbq and not provide alcohol?

257 replies

Tobythecat · 07/05/2018 13:05

I will provide all the food and side dishes etc and soft drinks, but aibu to not provide alcohol? I don't drink and one of my friends is a heavy drinker and will probably guzzle the lot, plus booze is so expensive as some only drink wine.

OP posts:
kateandme · 07/05/2018 13:54

no let people no and make sure they know lol.
I think most people.most we know anyway always brings a bottle or something similar like some cans to a bbq.its kind of the given thing for us and the people we know.
if weve ever wanted more booze someone from the party has always been more than happy to nip out for some more.
I assume since its a bbq this is close/ish friends.then they should be more than happy with this so don't think another thing bout it and go with what you want.
any friend would be fine with this.they might tease you but in a loving way lol

OliviaStabler · 07/05/2018 13:55

Is it stingy to host a bbq and not provide alcohol?

In my social circle it would be unheard of. However if you are crystal clear in advance it is BYOB and ensure that you have plenty of buckets of ice so your guests drinks can be chilled, than that should be fine.

TomRavenscroft · 07/05/2018 13:58

Yes! It's very tight

No it isn't Hmm It's a personal choice. As long as you say 'I'm supplying food –bring your own beer/wine/whatever' so people know exactly where they stand, it's fine.

Anyone who said that was tight in earshot of me would not be invited to one of my BBQs again.

AskAuntLydia · 07/05/2018 13:58

Just one bottle.

Every other wino can bring their own.

Laiste · 07/05/2018 14:05

No problem. Most people have a preference for their own beer/spirit anyway and will be happy to bring it along if they wish. We wouldn't think twice about it on an invite.

I'm finding less and less people are using every social occasion to get drunk nowadays anyway. (a lot to do with the fact it's much more socially unacceptable to drink drive IMO)

Just make sure everyone knows in advance.

BigPinkBall · 07/05/2018 14:06

With our group of friends When there’s a bbq the host only provides those little stubby bottles of French lager that cost about £3 for 10 bottles, everyone has to bring what they want to drink and most bring a pack of burgers or sausages too.

SilverySurfer · 07/05/2018 14:08

It's reasonable not to provide alcohol for the whole occasion but I think it's stingy to provide no alcohol - most people will bring bottles anyway.

So many threads like this at the moment. Why bother hosting anything, whether it's a bbq or birthday party or wedding if you can't afford to do it properly?

Agustarella · 07/05/2018 14:13

I went to a BBQ once where only bread was provided, everything else was BYO. It was quite clearly marked on the invite although some people hadn't read it and there was much sneaking out to Greggs. I found that BYO arrangement a bit odd, and in and of itself very stingy. (The family weren't stingy people as a rule.) Like, if they balked at the cost of food and drinks, why have a BBQ at all? If they had called it a garden party they could have got away providing just sandwiches and fizzy drinks at a modest cost and avoided the whole BYO awkwardness.

I think alcohol is probably the only area where it's fine to say BYO because it's so outrageously expensive, and consumption varies so much from guests who never touch it at all to those who'll guzzle everything in sight. It's much easier for hosts to provide alcohol in other countries where drinkable wine isn't much more expensive than fruit juice, and getting loudly rat arsed at weekends isn't so much of a thing.

Laiste · 07/05/2018 14:14

One person's idea of 'properly' is different to another's.

I'd rather get invited to a mates party, go to it have a good time and bring a bottle than say - ''oh don't invite me to anything until you can afford to do it properly''. Hmm That would go for a wedding too!

Rudgie47 · 07/05/2018 14:14

Pefectly fine as long as theres plenty of soft drinks and teas and coffees if people want those.

BoxsetsAndPopcorn · 07/05/2018 14:16

I'd always cater for guests and would do alcohol even as a non drinker myself. I wouldn't be hosting anyone I begrudged catering for.

ICantCopeAnymore · 07/05/2018 14:17

Nope, it's fine.

I refuse to drink alcohol, I refuse to buy alcohol. If someone wants it, they can buy and bring their own.

Thankfully, none of my friends or family bother with drinking as we can enjoy ourselves without it, so it isn't an issue in my circle.

Mymouthgetsmeintrouble · 07/05/2018 14:18

I dont drink but i would probably order a case of mixed wine in if i know my friends would like a glass or two

CuriousaboutSamphire · 07/05/2018 14:20

Sounds absolutely fine to me.

If you were my friend and invited me I wouldn't be in the slightest bit put off. I would just bring my favourite plonk in a cooler bag and I would guard it jealously Grin

It's only a problem if invitees don't know - or are just miserable buggers.

chestylarue52 · 07/05/2018 14:21

@SilverySurfer

Some people will live their whole lives not having enough spare cash to drop on ‘a few bottles of wine and some beers’ as well as bbq food.

Personally I’m always delighted to get an invitation to spend time with dear friends, if I have to supply my own booze then I either will or I’ll shock horror not drink.

SaturdaySauv · 07/05/2018 14:24

Completely acceptable! Hosting costs a fortune I think it’s entirely reasonable for people to bring their own booze (I say that as a gin guzzler).

nocoolnamesleft · 07/05/2018 14:24

When I do a bbq, I remember to cater for vegetarians, vegans, coeliacs, dairy intolerances, allergies... I provide loads of food and soft drinks. As a non drinker, I am quite likely to not even think about booze. But then again, so many drinkers provide such incredibly boring soft drink options. I cannot stand orange juice, which is so often the only option at events.

rookiemere · 07/05/2018 14:25

It depends if it's just a social get together or its an invite to a celebration.

If its the former then absolutely fine - when I go to a bbq I expect to bring along some food and if I was told I didn't need to and to bring my own alcohol instead, I'd be very happy to do so.

If its for a special occasion, such as a birthday or christening, I'd be more on the fence about it. If there's an expectation that a guest will bring a gift then my personal view is that you need to provide food and drink.

But a standard BBQ for no other reason than to have your friends company - absolutely not. You're doing more than enough by providing and cooking all the food.

TheStoic · 07/05/2018 14:27

Maybe this is a cultural thing...I would NEVER expect the host of a bbq I was attending to also be supplying our alcohol.

ferntwist · 07/05/2018 14:29

YANBU. Let people know they can bring their own. Enjoy!

durry · 07/05/2018 14:29

No problem at all, just specify in advance.

If I host, I always provide booze. Our friends also bring booze. Our BBQs are great Grin

Queenoftheblitz · 07/05/2018 14:30

As host you should offer each guest a drink as they arrive. After that they help selves. Make it clear before that they should bring drinks too.
You should provide enough drinks (alco and soft) to cover the first drink of the day.

Cornishclio · 07/05/2018 14:32

We usually have wine and soft drinks to offer. Anybody who drinks a lot usually brings their own. Sometimes DH will get some beers in but it is usually only him who drinks it. Friends always bring wine and beer with them.

BridgeFarmKefir · 07/05/2018 14:33

I usually put a couple of bottles of cava on etc (often drinks left over after previous dos) but I drink - and guests always come with their own booze too. I have friends who don't drink and I'd never expect them to lay on booze - it's my choice to drink, not theirs!

TomRavenscroft · 07/05/2018 14:34

It's not about being able to 'afford to do it properly' or 'begrudging' anyone anything. Hmm What nasty comments.

In different groups of people and at different kinds of event, different etiquette applies.

The only thing that matters is that everyone is clear on what they can expected to be provided and what they need to bring themselves.