did your parents smack you? Do you smack your child?

[diamond702]

My dad used to smack me as a child, on the hand or bottom. I remember feeling scared and anxious about it, and I don't think it taught me right from wrong. I would usually get smacked for being annoying or loud rather than naughty things. He would do it to make me be quiet.

I think times have changed now (this was in the 90s) and maybe it's not as acceptable to smack children anymore. I don't believe it works. I can understand perhaps smacking a child's hand to stop them touching a hot oven or something, but otherwise, does it really make them grow up to be well behaved citizens?

I can't imagine smacking my child. Surely there are better ways to discipline?

Yes. My dad would hold my brother down and hit him. Age 3+. He never hit me but he made me watch.
I couldn't understand it then and I don't now.

I don't smack. I am against violence to children in whatever guise. Smacking is either a loss of control or premeditated violence.

That said, when I was growing up, my father would hit my brother. But for me, he would not speak to me. For days sometimes. Until I was crying and begging him to speak to me. Honestly? I think I would have preferred a snack and it be over than prolonged silent treatment from the man I adored. Was it effective? Yep. However I grew up accepting that from a man that mentally abused me for years and his favourite thing was to ignore me until I apologised, even when I had done nothing wrong.

I would never intentionally physically harm my children or mentally abuse them.

Yes. We were smacked infrequently for major infringements. I remember we hid all the cutlery once for example. I am not permanently traumatised by it. For my own, I did smack dd on the leg once, not hard, when she was having a screaming tantrum and kicking me in the head. It did make her stop, just the shock of it. I don't agree with it as a punishment method, but on the other hand would never judge.

*smack...not snack. Though snacks are always good.

My father would beat me until I couldn't sit down. He once hit me so hard with a slipper that it left a huge bruise- it looked like an iron had been held to my skin. I think I'd used my socks to wash my bike in a puddle. I was 6.
My mother also smacked me, but would pretend that she didn't. She broke a wooden spoon on my sister's arse once, and would use that as an example of how stubborn my sister was!(Sis refused to cry).
I don't hit my children and wouldn't allow anyone else to either. I also don't leave my parents alone with them.

No and no.

I was a child in times when almost every child at some point got their backside slapped. There was also physical punishment i schools.
I had my children in the times when any form of punishment to children was frowned upon. My children were never hit.
The children of my age group were all very respectful to their parents, older relatives, neighbours and the general public.
Children of my childrens' age group are general quite awful to their parents. We can see this with the many threads against Mothers and Mothers in law.
Some of todays' parents are hitting their children. Some of todays parents are cruel to their elders. It is a full circle. My adult children hit me and are unpleasant in other ways too.
I don't know if I would smack my children if I had my time over again. I might run my whole life differently.
I am aware that there is a great difference between a smack and physical abuse. I do not condone physical abuse in either direction.

CollyWombles and vampirethriller - Gosh our parents really had no parenting skills!

Yes I was smacked a lot. I don't feel resentment to my parents but I would never smack my child.

No, I was never smacked as a child. I grew up in the 60s and I think it did happen but neither my mum or dad did it to me or siblings. I never smacked our 2 DDS brought up in 80s but was furious with my DH when he smacked DD1 and only recently found out he was beaten with the back of a hairbrush as a child by my MIL. Totally inappropriate way of disciplining and I think it is for the parents benefit as a way of releasing frustration rather than teaching the child anything.

Born in the 1960s and my brother and I were slapped just about every day by our short tempered mother. I can remember my legs stinging. It must have hurt her too.
I think she just didn't know how to cope with two lively little children.
I don't hold it against her.
No, I didn't slap my own children.

I was smacked a lot as a child (70s). It didn't teach me anything other than my DM had a bit of a temper and was inclined to lose it. She had it tough though. DF worked and did his hobbies and precious little else. She did everything at home, worked, did 100% of the child care and was exhausted and resentful. I can see how certain behaviours pushed her over the edge.

I don't smack but I have been know to lose it and shout. That is probably just as bad.

I have smacked my 2yo on the bum/back of thigh, but not hard - honestly she just bloody laughed at me afterwards like "is that all you've got?"

I think I got to the point where nothing was working and I didn't know what else to do, but as I said, she was unharmed. Watching me lose my sanity seemed to be real good joke to her

And no, wasn't smacked. Well, apparently I was once when I was about 2 myself. But I burst out crying and put my arms up to my parent to be cuddled, and they did cuddle me... Feeling very guilty indeed!

Think it was the only time they ever did it.

I know my uncles got the wooden spoon a few times.

Yes and no.

I wonder if it's had any influence on fighting amongst siblings. My brother and I physically fought loads (and were either left to sort it out ourselves or smacked for it!) whereas my children don't at all.

Very rarely and no absolutely not. I cannot imagine wanting to hit her. I can't understand why it is seen as in any way acceptable to hit a child when it isn't to hit an adult. They are humans too, they have feelings! Just because they are too small to hit you straight back doesn't make it ok.

Yes. Real slaps leave your ears ringing. Never by dad.

No, would never hit children.

Yes - by both parents - mum used her slipper. My dad even hit me over the head when I was 17 an it really hurt. At school some pupils got the cane.
I do not have children but definitely would not hit them if I had.
When I was 7 my mum called me a bitch - I think I must have been cheeky but it is a horrible thing to call a child and 40 years on I still remember it clearly - I even recall what I was wearing at the time - and recall my clothes too the day my dad smacked me in the head. Why would it be ok to hit children but illegal to hit an adult?

My parents never smacked us (80s childhood), my mum was smacked, or rather, beaten by her mother and my dad was hit regularly by the nuns at his school. Mum particularly was vehemently against it.

I remember being at family gatherings where my aunts and uncles would smack my cousins and thinking it all very odd indeed. They were no better or worse behaved than us.

I could never smack my DC. It would break my heart. I have to turn around and have a word with myself after I tell him off sometimes, tbh.

Smacking only works before kids go verbal

WTF? Before they can talk to tell on the person assaulting them you mean?

Yes and no. Terrible form of punishment that I wouldn't dream of inflicting on DS.

*does it really make them grow up to be well behaved citizens?

Did you grow up to be a well behaved citizen?*

I grew up to be a citizen who is so terrified of making mistakes and getting things wrong, or somehow making other people angry, that I barely go out, don’t take any responsibility at work, and if i do make a mistake, i hide from it and agonise about facing up to it, and would probably rather move city than have to face people who know about it.

I was smacked. Hard on occasion. I don’t think i did deserve it, although i barely remember what i was smacked for. I remember the terror when i knew i was going to get a smack, i remember the physical pain, i remember the burning injustice- so likely it wasn’t deserved or i wasn't given chance to explain or apologise. I also remember hiding in my bedroom terrified to come out. I remember the pressure to be perfect, trying so hard to do things right, but i was a child, and made mistakes.

I would never, ever, smack my child.

I can count on one hand the amount of times I was smacked as a child, and they were for really naughty things like stealing etc.

I don’t feel it did me any harm at all. I wasn’t scared of my parents and smacking wasn’t a regular form of punishment. I am exceptionally close to them now.

That said, I don’t believe in hitting at all, and wouldn’t never hit my kids. I probably
Have been a bit rough on a occasion I guess though., dragging them out of a room so I can do the silent but scary mum bollock.

Yes I was.

No I don’t.

Yes. Made to watch while the puppy was whipped (with a whip) for weeing inside the house. Mainly brother as I was withdrawn and took solace in my books. He had some nasty bruises but thinks smacking is fine. . My mother threatened to smack dd a few years ago. It didn’t end well for her.

Mismatched PJs, I agree with you that it makes you more violent towards your siblings! As a child, I hit my brothers on the head with the broom, they did similar, we pulled each other's hairs, we hit each other.
My children have verbal disagreements, but they have never hit each other.