did your parents smack you? Do you smack your child?

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My dad used to smack me as a child, on the hand or bottom. I remember feeling scared and anxious about it, and I don't think it taught me right from wrong. I would usually get smacked for being annoying or loud rather than naughty things. He would do it to make me be quiet.

I think times have changed now (this was in the 90s) and maybe it's not as acceptable to smack children anymore. I don't believe it works. I can understand perhaps smacking a child's hand to stop them touching a hot oven or something, but otherwise, does it really make them grow up to be well behaved citizens?

I can't imagine smacking my child. Surely there are better ways to discipline?

Animals swipe at their off spring as a warning and sometimes it can be an instinctive reaction - rather than a control reaction

There’s a lot of nonsense on this thread. Please show me which animals use non-contextual physical violence when they’re offspring are annoying? And how this approach is better than actually using our evolved verbal communication skills?

Many parents hit out of annoyance and frustration. Physical punishment can ‘work’ but it d Stroud trust which is why we don’t use it in animal training - we apply learning theory instead. I’m pretty sure that juvenile humans deserve the same.

Yes and no.

All I remember is being scared of my parents and lying to not get smacked. Although I don't think it's done lasting damage it's not the relationship I want with my kids.

No and no.

I cannot imagine my wonderful parents ever raising their hands to me.

No and no.

My parents were kindly people, but they had a good deal of natural authority; I can't imagine there was anything smacking could have achieved that they didn't achieve anyway.

I didn't feel the need either. As my SIL once said "why should I, who am so big, need to hit a little one like that".

As far as I can work out, we still know right from wrong.

which is why we don’t use it in animal training

That's humans teaching animals not mother bear teaching baby bear

I was smacked. Not often and not hard and I only recall it happening between the ages of 4-6. It didn't do any lasting damage and didn't harm my relationship with my parents in anyway.

I choose not to smack. I feel it's a last resort and a sign that a parent can't or won't put more thought or effort into discipling their child.

My dad smacked me once in my entire life. I was a teenager and looking back I can understand why he did it. He felt so guilty afterwards that he bought me this £100 item for my bedroom that id been wanting. He didnt say that was why hed bought it but I could tell. I did forgive him as I could see how upset it had made him and I was a very out of control teenager.
My mum however was a very physically expressive person who would hit anyone she was upset with pretty frequently including me. She was absolutely tiny though so it didnt illicit fear. I didnt like it and thought she was unhinged...
I do forgive her though because shes had a very hard life and there are reasons she is that way. I dont think she meant it as a parenting technique.

Ive smacked my 3yo a few times in his life. Just on the hand. It wasnt a parenting technique I was just furious and scared because hed done something dangerous. And once because hed smeared poo all over something for the fourth time in a day! (glad that phase ended)
I regretted smacking him. I felt out of control and like reminded myself of my mum. I know it was about my inability to control my emotions and expressing my anger pointlessly.

Certainly think its pointless. Dont for a minute think its a useful parenting technique.

My mother used to smack me, my father didn't but reacted quite violently to us, kicking or pulling our hair. The house was always filthy, my mother would ask me to help but I wouldn't know where to start. She had no housekeeping skills, food and clothes were thrown all over the floors - I think she suffered depression. She would never ask my 4 brothers. So she would call my dad and this was how he would discipline me. When I reached 14 I started retaliating by kicking him back and pulling his hair so it stopped.
As a result, I have never smacked my children but talked very firmly to them (they tell me I sound scary when I'm annoyed!) when they misbehaved - it worked. Also, I keep the house tidy and only expect my children to tidy up after themselves and keep their rooms tidy. I want them to be happy in their home environment, unlike I was.
They are now 17, 15 and 11 and growing up into lovely teenagers, I am so proud of them.

Yes I was & no I don’t, I don’t believe in it & even put MIL straight when she just said it offhandingly that we don’t even say it.

I also try not to shout as that’s all I had as a child & it’s not beneficial.

No and no.

Yes, and no. I have never hit my DC, and I still remember the fear of my parents, I don’t want my kids to feel like that about me! They are great kids though.

Animals swipe at their off spring as a warning and sometimes it can be an instinctive reaction - rather than a control reaction
Yes, but we generally like to think we're a bit different! Many animals also teach their children to chase prey and kill and eat it, and happily mate with family members - I don't think 'animals do it' is a useful argument.

Yes I was and think it is highly damaging.

I haven't and hope I never ever do

Yes, i was, hand or (more infrequently) bottom, my mum used to use her riding crop at least a couple f times. Yes, it was scary, but that's kind of the point. It was the most serious punishment, reserved for the most serious offences. If you're warned of it as a consequence, and then you do whatever anyway, then you get the consequence, i dont see hos it's a parent losing control. It's a choice of how to punish. I feel no resentment apart from one incident when it was unjustified, because I hadn't deliberately been naughty. I hated it more when I had something taken off me, that was far more destructive to me and used to leave me distraught. On the other hand, both my younger sisters say they hated it and it was awful. So i think you have to feel your way with every child.
Imo shouting is a loss of control, which I would feel most ashamed of. I haven't smacked my dd. She's only 2 but my husband is strongly against so I think I won't. There are other ways to punish, but I dont think its wrong in and of itself - it depends on the child.

Born in the (very early) 1970’s and, yes, was smacked by my parents but they had a ‘warning’ system before they did - first time you’re told is called learning; second time is called reminding; if you do something a third time then you’re asking for trouble and that was when you got a smack.

I don’t smack but only because, at the moment, I don’t have children of my own - though we’re undergoing IVF and hope that changes in the future. If we’re successful then I’ll follow the same punishment style my parents used on me as I don’t feel it was wrong

Yes I was smacked (although my parents now regret it). I never smack my children. I teach them to respect me not fear me and to date have never needed to smack them.
Parents smack children as they loose control. You would get arrested for smacking another adult so why would you smack a defenceless child? It makes no sense.

Yes and no. Lots of smacked bottoms and clips round the ear. Achieved nothing tbh apart from creating division between us.

Will never smack ours.

Yes
No. Never

I was smacked - often when my folks lost their tempers as opposed to anything really serious I had ever done. They said I was smacked maybe once but I can remember 12+ times. Once even got my nose busted.

I don't hit my child and I NEVER will. I think being hit made me quite passive, shy and scared - where as I want my child to be strong enough to challenge me when I am wrong because after all, I am human despite the fact I am a parent. I don't know everything and I will screw up. So I don't want to put fear into our relationship. Instead I want respect and trust and an open dialog of communication, that nothing is bad or taboo. That honesty will never get her in trouble with me.

I got smacked as a child. It was smacked not seriously hit or done in anger. That said I have never and would never smack my own child.

Yes my parents smacked me and it was awful and humiliating. It was scary and it also me see my Mum as someone who was not coping. Even at the age if 9 I could see that.

I think it made me less able to control my own anger as a teenager, because I’d been shown you get physical. I had to re teach myself to control impulses and I would never do the same to my own children.

Yes, I was slapped. Then you got the "I'll give you something to cry about" because the crying was annoying. Also "wait till your father gets home" lived in fear of my dad coming home. We didn't see much of him because he worked in a bar from 4-11, so the little time we did see him we were expecting a slapping.

Had no intention of putting my kids through that, it's a horrible way to live. Maybe mine were just better behaved than I was because they never did anything bad enough to deserve being slapped.

Yes I was smacked and no I don't smack. I agree that it is parents losing control. It is them lashing out with their frustration or anger.

I don't agree that a short sharp shock helps them learn about danger like roads etc either. All it teaches them is Mummy or Daddy will smack them if they run into the road rather than the actual safety issue. There's much better ways. Imagine your partner smacking you to teach you something. Why are children an okay target?

Yes I used to be smacked. I don't remember it hurting but I do remember feelings utterly humiliated. I would never smack/hit anybody, let alone my own child.

loopylass13, I believe the violence I suffered had the same effect on me. You have the right attitude.
In fairness to our parents, they were taught no other form of discipline and were actually criticised if they didn't slap their children!