Cheapskate friend AIBU?

[ukulelelady]

It was my daughters birthday recently and she wanted a party. Her friend turned up with a free toy from a magazine as a present.

The card was a crumpled folded over bit of scrap paper that was drawn on. (It was a scribble that I couldn’t even tell what it was supposed to be. The girl is 6)

I know it’s the thought that counts. When my daughter makes cards for her friends I say it’s to be neat and you’ve to make it your best job because a birthday is special. I wouldn’t allow her to pass off a scribble that would take her 5 minutes. I know all kids abilities are different but I know her friend and have seen her drawings etc. And as for the free toy, I feel it’s cheapskate. I honestly don’t care the value of gifts! Another friend made her a friendship band and I think that’s lovely to give homemade gifts. And another gave a colouring book. I Am interested to know who you think is BU? Thanks

For all we know your daughter's friend purchased or was given the magazine with the toy, and may well have wanted it for herself but chose to give it as a present for your daughter - at least she bought a gift and made a card - I think it is your daughter having decent friends that matters more here than any monetary value on gifts etc. And we don't know her friend's home circumstances - she might have been rushed, cramped etc and not had time or space to make a brilliant card. Don't fret over crap that doesn't matter in the great scheme of things.

if they are that poor then don't attend.

I've seen some disgusting things on this site, but this one tops the lot.

I think the potato gift is my favourite part if this thread - yay to minilipstickhandbagcoffee

How do you know what goes on behind the walls of this little girls house? Maybe she’s asked her parents to help her get a gift. Maybe they were just too busy. Maybe they couldn’t afford it. Maybe they didn’t want to afford it. Maybe they’re spending their money elsewhere and the best thing she knew to do was to re gift?? Because she has a kind heart??

Don’t assume to know people. Children. Parents. Families. Their lives. You have no idea.

You are judgemental. Very much so and YES YABU!!!!

I have turned down party invitations due to being so skint I couldn't afford even a small gift. And being too embarrassed to turn up with something deemed inadequate or rubbish. I admitted this to a friend recently who said no one in there right mind would be so rude as to judge you on a gift. Turns she was wrong. Give your head a wobble OP.

Bloody hell, is this thread for real?

Sometimes a 6 year old has a lovely writing and takes hours decorating a card. Sometimes they can't be bothered and they rush through it. Who cares, they are 6.

I won't even comment about the value of the gift.

I have turned down party invitations due to being so skint I couldn't afford even a small gift

This is so upsetting. Everytime I've hosted a kids party, I'm so worried about people not turning up and my DC being upset by low attendance. I'd far rather you turned up with nothing than not turn up at all. My dc don't even notice who has or hasn't brought them anything...they literally just want to see their friends and have fun.

A scribbled crumpled bit of paper without even writing my kids name on and a broken magazine toy doesn’t. That’s what pissed me off

How? How can anyone get pissed off over a child's card or greeting?
To get that ragey over something so innocent? what's the matter with you?

@Vonnie2016
Please take heart that the vast vast majority of people on here think you turning up with no gift or a homemade card and homemade gift really is ok. If your child is invited, it really is because your child is wanted.

I have turned down party invitations due to being so skint I couldn't afford even a small gift. And being too embarrassed to turn up with something deemed inadequate or rubbish. I admitted this to a friend recently who said no one in there right mind would be so rude as to judge you on a gift. Turns she was wrong. Give your head a wobble OP.

This is so sad to hear. I would also far rather you turn up without a gift. In fact I would be relieved that there wouldn't be more gifts to find space for.

I'd be happy with no gifts too.

I just want a hug 😁🤗😔😢

There are a lot of people on here who are quite happy to take the righteous high ground but I suspect wouldn’t be so disaffected if the same happened to them. People like to criticise those who happen to verbalise what most people would actually think. People are flawed and just because we think something doesn’t make us bad it’s how we choose to act on those thoughts that matters.

MountIron
Well FYI it did happen to my dd. A boy in dds class in reception year didn’t give dd a gift as such - that is unless it got lost amongst all the stuff although I suspect not. I knew she was a single mum but I didn’t know at the time recently escaped from a violent marriage and left most of her stuff behind. Anyway there was a used unwrapped book with no card. I knew the book had come free with a book pack. I didn’t know what to do as perhaps it had been left on top of the gifts by mistake. I wrote a thank you for the gift and for coming card all the same. And he was invited the following year. No issue for me.

Shocked by the responses. I totally agree with the OP. Its better to give no gift than a shitty one like that.

The OP should send out thank you notes:

"thank you for your thoughtful gift. You really shouldn't have"

Her parents might be struggling have some sympathy you dont know thier situation

Poor kid. She gave probably all what she had.
I really hope you don't raise your dd with this mindset OP. The poor girl didn't have to bring anything at all.
Snobby at its finest.

It may be that rather than being cheap, the mum had to improvise a present and card at the last minute. I can't tell you the number of times I've suddenly realised I need a present for the latest party.

Did it occur to you that at six, one of the biggest 'friend' gestures you can make is to give your friend something that you love? My kids used to wrap up small things like this in toilet paper to give to their friends as a gesture of friendship.

Doesn't matter if it's something that came free or a flipping diamond- the act is the gesture of friendship from the child.

TBH I would have probably quietly given something on the side, but in a six year old's mind she may feel very grown up having made a card and given a present by herself.

I find this quite sad. If you wanted gifts at a level you'd accept you should have stated.

If you wanted a party for your child to celebrate her birthday then you should have left it at that and thanked everyone who came for making it a lovely day for her. You seem to be expecting a level of gratitude for the party you threw. From children.

at my children's school it's now very common (particularly as childrenn seem to share parties more) to just see 'please don't worry about gifts' written on invitations. We will all host each others' kids at some point.

I'm taken aback by this thread to be honest. It is crass. Who throws a children's party with the expectation of recouping the value in money or gifts.

It really pisses me off that so many people on Mumsnet think that a 6 year old girl wouldn't do this, yet when a 16 year old teenager makes a mistake they are down on him or her like a ton of bricks. Its a MN thang I suppose. Anyway OP, I'm with you.

Because a 16 year-old can get married, have sex, leave home and is damn near legally an adult. A six year-old is, you know, SIX. Does that help?

Shocked by the responses. I totally agree with the OP. Its better to give no gift than a shitty one like that.

I’m shocked you’re this stupid.