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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Cheapskate friend AIBU?

197 replies

ukulelelady · 06/05/2018 12:22

It was my daughters birthday recently and she wanted a party. Her friend turned up with a free toy from a magazine as a present.

The card was a crumpled folded over bit of scrap paper that was drawn on. (It was a scribble that I couldn’t even tell what it was supposed to be. The girl is 6)

I know it’s the thought that counts. When my daughter makes cards for her friends I say it’s to be neat and you’ve to make it your best job because a birthday is special. I wouldn’t allow her to pass off a scribble that would take her 5 minutes. I know all kids abilities are different but I know her friend and have seen her drawings etc. And as for the free toy, I feel it’s cheapskate. I honestly don’t care the value of gifts! Another friend made her a friendship band and I think that’s lovely to give homemade gifts. And another gave a colouring book. I Am interested to know who you think is BU? Thanks

OP posts:

VileyRose · 06/05/2018 21:08

I don't think it's unreasonable. I think attending is enough.

Allthewaves · 06/05/2018 21:08

It sounds sad. Her parents don't obviously care to sort a present for her or help her do something.

WeirdyMcBeardy · 06/05/2018 21:12

You will gte nothing but posters banging on about being poor OP, even though you have pointed out they are not. But YANBU. It's just shitty of them to turn up with that as a present when they clearly aren't struggling. A £1 bag of haribo would have been better. Everyone knows mgazine toys are usually a bag of shite.

Original poster

ukulelelady · 06/05/2018 21:13

Sadeyedlady... the paper dolls shows thoughtfulness. A scribbled crumpled bit of paper without even writing my kids name on and a broken magazine toy doesn’t. That’s what pissed me off. I’d have loved that btw. Dd and I love drawing outfits for hers.

OP posts:

Mumofkids · 06/05/2018 21:16

It sounds like your daughter had a lovely party and got lots of gifts and was thoroughly spoiled. We couldn't afford parties for ours this year, so I'd suggest rather than focussing on this rather bitter miserable point, which you won't actually do anything about, you bin the toy and tell her what a lucky girl she is and move on. Life is too short for this shit.

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe2726 · 06/05/2018 21:17

Oh do you do that, OP? I used to love those paper dolls that you cut out and the outfits with 'tabs' to cut out. But I was dreadful with scissors and used to cut one or more of the tabs off completely...

Mummyoflittledragon · 06/05/2018 21:20

A crumpled piece of paper and a broken magazine toy shows thoughtfulness from a 6 yo young child. You otoh are judging a 6 yo when her parents are at fault. You sound spiteful.

formerbabe · 06/05/2018 21:24

If I host a kids party, all I genuinely want is for the children we've invited to attend. I honestly would rather a child attended without a gift than made an excuse not to come.

Original poster

ukulelelady · 06/05/2018 21:25

LyingWitchinthewardrobe I was mortified with my dad when I was little - I had a colour in paper doll set. He coloured in the dolls underwear brown. It looked like she’d shit herself! It was a good wind up and I know I was lucky to have parents that played with me before I get vilified.

OP posts:

Original poster

ukulelelady · 06/05/2018 21:29

Yes but would you let your kid take that to a party mummyoflittledragon? My dd has said before when it’s someones birthday oh I’ll give them this and it’s been a toy of hers that she likes but I wouldn’t let her give it if it didn’t work or was broken. Or I’ve suggested we pick flowers when it was adults birthday. Or draw a picture.....

OP posts:

parrotonmyshoulder · 06/05/2018 21:31

My DD was given a crab apple with a stick pushed in it for her 4th birthday from her best friend. Didn’t cross my mind to be annoyed!

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe2726 · 06/05/2018 21:33

@ your dad, ukulelelady

daisychain01 · 06/05/2018 21:42

And as for the free toy, I feel it’s cheapskate. I honestly don’t care the value of gifts!

Oh the irony

somefolkaresoentiteled · 06/05/2018 21:48

Wow! You've no idea what is going on in that family! To judge a 6 year old and post on here is unbelievable. Maybe the parents refused to buy a gift and she was so embarrassed she brought anything she could? Maybe she doesn't have the pens, pencils and paper to make a card you would find suitable. You horrific self centred snob!

BustopherJones · 06/05/2018 21:51

That’s brilliant, @parrot! I love the mad shit kids think is precious treasure - it usually involves elastic bands in my experience. I certainly gave my mum some real nonsense when I was little.

tinytemper66 · 06/05/2018 21:53

Perhaps they may be 'well off' on the surface but how do you know the husband gives the wife money (if she doesn't work say). My sister in law never has her own money and would probably be in a predicament like many other posters. No one really knows what goes on behind closed doors. Looks are deceiving.

Mumofkids · 06/05/2018 21:56

I'm baffled at your continued responses. Did your child have a good time? Did she enjoy lots of presents? And even if everyone says 'oh yes that's awful' what will you do about it? Nothing I'd imagine.
I cannot even fathom why you've given this so much time already.
They may have forgotten. The dad may have grabbed something and asked if the daughter thought it was ok, it may have been special to that child. Every party yields a few shit toys. I personally think showering 5/6 yr olds with piles of plastic tat every birthday is pretty tasteless and vile, it's also terrible for the world they have to grow up in.
Just bin it and move on.

allthingsred · 06/05/2018 22:01

Not read full thread but going by op alone Yabu.
You sound like one of those judgy clique moms at the school gates that make the rest of us feel like crap. You don't know people's situations. Be kinder to people.

Ivorbig1 · 06/05/2018 22:02

Yabu silly. You are her parents , you are the only ones expected to give presents to your child.
The social expectation should stop. It’s stupid, other parents buy something in a rush, uninformed, with little spare cash and recipient doesn’t like it so gives/chucks/donates. Pointless waste of time, money, emotion. We need an alternative.

BustopherJones · 06/05/2018 22:04

My eldest is 2 so I’ve got away with nice toddler books so far, when I’ve been stuck for ideas. But what is expected at parties? I’ve seen threads where posters said £10 was ott, but £7/8 doesn’t go too far. Maybe I just haven’t found the right shops?

C0untDucku1a · 06/05/2018 22:06

My 8 year old attended a party recently. She made her friend a card. It was lined paper folded over. I wanted to tell her to start again on a piece of plain card, we have plently, but instead i didnt as she made it for her friend on her own without me knowing. She also decorated something for her friend. In my dd’s eyes she spent a long time on her friend’s gift and card making them perfect. Did your child question it?

tid2018 · 06/05/2018 22:07

I hope that people don't give my child expensive gifts!she gets enough and I want her to stay humble. It's the fact that she has friends (and parents) willing and happy to make the effort. My 6 year old and all of her friends always give hand made cards (my DH thinks we should buy them cards back) but I think it's lovely. I am very much from a wc background and big extravagent gifts were always more the norm. I think that as you become more confident in yourself you stop caring really! Wouldn't bother me in the slightest!

ItsNachoCheese · 06/05/2018 22:10

Could it be the wee girl gave her the toy and drew her a card albeit you say a magazine toy and a scrap of paper but if shes drawn it herself shes put thought into it and maybe the toy was all she could give? Maybe not the case but could be at the same time

CadyHeron · 06/05/2018 22:14

I honestly don't care how much people spend, if anything at all, and handmade cards by 6 year olds are lovely however "scribbled"

I agree with you op but my advise is say nothing and no few people are that poor in Britain today that they cannot afford a 2 pound gift-if they are that poor then don't attend.

As the mum of two school age children so have had plenty of parties over the years, I can honestly say I don't care and the kids don't either how much has been spent, or even whether there's a present at all.
Obviously they're nice, but it's the friends coming to the party that''s the important bit, not the presents!
To say don't attend if you can't afford is idiotic - I'd far rather friends attended the birthday party with their presence rather than presents and the kids would too.

Mumofkids · 06/05/2018 22:16

@bustopherjones I've spent years attending parties and I've now basically decided that unless my child is older and has a small circle of friends I gift a nice book. In reception and yr 1 there are so many parties and so many gifts and from personal experience I hate the amount of crap they receive. A book can be regifted if need be. It's not 'too' expensive and there's always some good recent ones. I usually get my child to choose one they really like. I hate wasting money on rubbish, I don't have money to waste and it gets out of hand. With an older child I prefer a voucher so they can choose something they want for themselves, what is the point in spending money on a throwaway toy? I have a friend who for every party goes to Poundland and spends £7/8 filling a bag of stuff you just know will be binned and it's so sad.

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