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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be upset with friends for not picking me up

280 replies

Foreverthinking · 06/05/2018 10:48

I've lived on the outskirts of a big city for a few years not and not seen much if anything of my friends back home.

Two of them are driving down today to go to an event we're all interested in, it has been pre arranged for a few weeks that we'd go together and have a catch up. I was looking forward to seeing them.

Today arrives and I just haven't got the disposable money outside of my budget to justify the train fares into the city centre. I don't drive. It'll cost me around £20 all in. I'm on a tight budget as a single mum on maternity leave and every penny I have has to go on necessities. I just don't have that going spare without leaving me short for a bill that's due tomorrow.

I asked whether it would be ok if they picked me up on their way through, and i'd happily compensate them for the extra fuel next week. It wouldn't put them off course too much at all, an extra 20 minutes driving if that. I added that it was totally ok if they didn't want to and it wouldn't be a problem.

Instead of just saying no they made up an excuse that because of low emmisons charges they'd have to park up somewhere and ride the rest of the way(?) Meaning they can't pick me up, so now I'm not going

Aibu to be a bit upset?

Ive been generous to both of these people over the course of knowing them 10 plus years and never asked for any favours before. I know I shouldn't expect to depend on others and don't mean to sound like a whiney git but if the shoe was on the other foot i'd be happy to have obliged just for the sake of seeing what I thought was a good friend! Sad

OP posts:
cardibach · 06/05/2018 10:52

It may well not be an excuse. It’s what I do when I go to London. Park up in Hendon and take the tube the rest of the way. Parking charges alone in city centres are ridiculous.
If you were my friend though, and with that explanation, I’d help you to afford the day.

Original poster
Foreverthinking · 06/05/2018 10:52

To clarify the event is free, I only wanted to hitch a ride with them not have them pay for anything during the course of the day

OP posts:
Aeroflotgirl · 06/05/2018 10:52

What is shit, how awful op, and you offered to compensate them. Massive hugs FlowersFlowers. Don't do them any favours, I would distance myself.

Aeroflotgirl · 06/05/2018 10:53

They don't sound like they care about you much.

Want2beme · 06/05/2018 10:55

I'm not familiar with low emissions charges, so can't say anything about that. To me, it seem thoughtless of them not to offer you a lift. I wouldn't hesitate to do so. It's called being kind to friends and it doesn't sound like you rely on them, especially as you don't even see them often. Shame on them. Have a good day in the sunshine, anyway.

Notthisnotthat · 06/05/2018 10:56

I'm not too comfortable with city driving so often use park and ride facilities, takes the stress out of a journey for me. It may not be a deliberate excuse to exclude you.

Hanuman · 06/05/2018 10:58

So when you said you were ok with them saying no, that was basically a lie?

Original poster
Foreverthinking · 06/05/2018 11:02

It's feeling discarded by friends that's upset me more than missing the event, I could give or take it either way to be honest.

Last week when we were discussing the day they didnt mention anything about taking the tube, only that they'd be driving down.

We were pinging messages back and forth until I mentioned the lift then they went quiet for 20 minutes then came back with that response..

I said that's ok don't worry enjoy yourselves and have fun, I was then told "there is a live feed of it though" Hmm

Can't help but think about how if the shoe was on the over foot it would be an entirely different story

OP posts:
Original poster
Foreverthinking · 06/05/2018 11:03

Not really hanuman

I didn't want to put any pressure on them and certainly wasn't going to cause an argument or fall out over It, but given how I've helped them both out alot in the past it didn't occur to me that asking for one small favour would blindside them that much. I haven't told them I'm upset, it's just how I feel

OP posts:
ginnybag · 06/05/2018 11:04

If its London, it's probably not an excuse. I never take a vehicle into the city if I can avoid it, and we try to avoid sending our engineers at work down with one if we can. Central driving, parking, charges means it's much easier and cheaper to park and tube or bus it.

HunterHearstHelmsley · 06/05/2018 11:05

It sounds as though they're not actually driving the whole way and saying it won't actually save you any money by getting a lift with them? If that's the case then it's fair enough, really.

TheBlueDot · 06/05/2018 11:06

I know lots of people that do park and ride, because they do drive most of the way.

You said you’d be fine either way. I would have taken you at your word.

Original poster
Foreverthinking · 06/05/2018 11:06

It is London yes

To be fair I'm clueless about parking costs, emmisons and whatever else as I don't drive. Of course there's a chance it may be genuine but with me not driving I wouldn't know about these things and admittedly I was sceptical

OP posts:
CuriousaboutSamphire · 06/05/2018 11:06

Wait! You asked for a lift and they said they weren't driving in but were avoiding the congestion charges and were Park and Riding in and you are angry with them?

They have done what almost everyone who visits cities like Durham, Brighton, Leicester, Leeds Derby and all the others that have or are bringing in emission charges, do... the sensible thing. You can't be angry with them for that!

You perhaps should all have had that conversation a while ago! Then you wouldn't be so surprised and hurt by their decision.

ADishBestEatenCold · 06/05/2018 11:07

If they fully understood the situation, it does sound a bit mean. However, if they planned to park out of the city centre and take public transport in (a sensible thing to do), how would you have been able to do that, given that you say in your OP that you cannot afford to take the train in.

It also sounds rather 'last minute' time to do these calculations and discover you cannot afford it (how were you going to afford to go to the event or buy something to eat and drink throughout the day?). Asking them this on the day doesn't give them the best opportunity to fully understand your situation and to look at all of the possible alternatives. Might have been best to raise the matter with a bit more notice.

Having said all that, you must be really disappointed to miss them. Would they consider coming to you after the event, for a catch-up, on their way home?

Appuskidu · 06/05/2018 11:07

It may not be a lie. I hate driving and would make life as easy as possible for myself.

Where (roughly) do you live and where is the event?

Waitingonasmiley42 · 06/05/2018 11:07

20 minutes out their way is 40 minutes extra driving in total. This means they are paying extra in petrol. Maybe they are also on a budget?

PompholyxOfUnknownOrigin · 06/05/2018 11:07

I would have given you a lift in these circumstances and I’m someone who dislikes giving lifts!! They are very mean.

CuriousaboutSamphire · 06/05/2018 11:09

You're in London? And claim not to know about the congestion charge or sky high parking charges? I am sorry, but that sounds daft. I haven't been in London for decades, but have heard enough about the congestion charge on the news to make me feel I have experienced it myself!

gamerchick · 06/05/2018 11:09

I dunno 20 minutes isn’t a small amount to pick someone up. Well to a none driver it might be. Then there’s that 20 minutes to take you home.

Tbh with you I would think you’d done it on purpose at the last minute and I think if your friend has posted asking for opinions then some people would say it was deliberate and to say no to you. It should have been discussed a lot earlier.

Sorry you’re going to miss out but they haven’t really done anything wrong.

Original poster
Foreverthinking · 06/05/2018 11:09

I've probably over reacted as I was looking forward to seeing them that's all. I wouldn't have voiced any of this to them by the way and I wasn't about to fall out with them over it

OP posts:
blackteasplease · 06/05/2018 11:10

Going into London when they could otherwise have avoided seems a faff though.

blackteasplease · 06/05/2018 11:11

Could you have got out to the place they would be parking?

Jael003 · 06/05/2018 11:13

There’s no congestion charges on a Sunday and unless they have a very large car, the emissions zone won’t affect them, it’s for trucks and lorries.

AntiHop · 06/05/2018 11:14

How can it cost you £20 to travel from outer London? Surely it will only be a few quid each way even if you're in zone 6 then it's only a few quid each way with oyster or contactless?