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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be upset with friends for not picking me up

280 replies

Foreverthinking · 06/05/2018 10:48

I've lived on the outskirts of a big city for a few years not and not seen much if anything of my friends back home.

Two of them are driving down today to go to an event we're all interested in, it has been pre arranged for a few weeks that we'd go together and have a catch up. I was looking forward to seeing them.

Today arrives and I just haven't got the disposable money outside of my budget to justify the train fares into the city centre. I don't drive. It'll cost me around £20 all in. I'm on a tight budget as a single mum on maternity leave and every penny I have has to go on necessities. I just don't have that going spare without leaving me short for a bill that's due tomorrow.

I asked whether it would be ok if they picked me up on their way through, and i'd happily compensate them for the extra fuel next week. It wouldn't put them off course too much at all, an extra 20 minutes driving if that. I added that it was totally ok if they didn't want to and it wouldn't be a problem.

Instead of just saying no they made up an excuse that because of low emmisons charges they'd have to park up somewhere and ride the rest of the way(?) Meaning they can't pick me up, so now I'm not going

Aibu to be a bit upset?

Ive been generous to both of these people over the course of knowing them 10 plus years and never asked for any favours before. I know I shouldn't expect to depend on others and don't mean to sound like a whiney git but if the shoe was on the other foot i'd be happy to have obliged just for the sake of seeing what I thought was a good friend! Sad

OP posts:
PinkbicyclesinBerlin · 06/05/2018 11:29

If their plan was to park and ride all along, which I suspect it was, then you are being absolutely ridiculous and quite nasty by being so passive aggressive with it. Lots of people aren’t keen on driving and parking in cities. Lots of people would far rather park and ride. It sounds like you could not afford this event which is unfortunate but hardly the fault of your friends.

Jessikita · 06/05/2018 11:31

I can’t be friends with people who choose not to drive.

Time and time again they have this entitled attitude that they should be picked up and taxied everywhere.

Maybe they just got fed up of that.

ArtBrut · 06/05/2018 11:31

I think this is crossed wires. We’re ex-Londoners now living in the Midlands, and if we say we’re ‘driving down’, we mean driving to Cockfosters and taking the tube. It’s possible it never occurred to them to specify, and if they’re not Londoners, they may have only the vaguest idea about congestion charges at weekends. Certainly, even when we were living in Zone 2 with no car, I doubt we’d have known.

IronMansIronButt · 06/05/2018 11:32

Also if OP is "clueless about driving" I imagine her only 20 mins is probably twice that, in BH traffic, so she was actually asking them to add on an hour and a half driving at the last minute!

AnnieAnoniMouser · 06/05/2018 11:34

Why not ask if you can borrow £20 until Tuesday?

rookiemere · 06/05/2018 11:35

OP its maybe too late now, but you say you have lent money to friends in the past, so as soon as your friends said they weren't driving, surely you could have asked them to lend you the train fare and you pay them back on Tuesday. Crisis averted and you would have spent the day with your friends.

AnnieAnoniMouser · 06/05/2018 11:36

Mind you, when I was tha short of money there’s no way I’d have paid money I didn’t have to go to an ‘event’. That £20 would have fed me for a fortnight.

Original poster
Foreverthinking · 06/05/2018 11:36

They told me they were going to Hyde park and walking the remaining distance if it was a nice day. Approx 2 miles from Hyde park to the event. This was said almost a week ago so to the best of my informed knowledge they were driving into the city centre regardless.

They didn't say anything about getting a ride until today after I asked to hitch a ride with them. If i knew they were going to be getting public transport I wouldn't have asked in the first place as I would have felt just as cheeky as I do now having read some of these replies Blush

I would have simply said I'm not able to come along.

To the lady who said suck it up and get a train that's not an option without leaving myself short for a bill that's due and that's not an option.

I didn't know there was no emmison charges today with it being Sunday but as two people have now pointed this out, my assumption may not have been wrong it would seem.

OP posts:
Appuskidu · 06/05/2018 11:37

Yes-OP, would it not be better all round to ring and ask one of your friends to lend you £20 till Tuesday?

IronMansIronButt · 06/05/2018 11:38

my assumption may not have been wrong it would seem

So you're determined to still be like that about it? Hmm

Witchend · 06/05/2018 11:38

I never drive into London, and live close enough (just outside M25) that would be an option. I didn't know the congestion charge wasn't on a Sunday, as I never need to think about it, so they may well not have realised either.

Parking costs if they were parking in the centre may well be as much, even divided between three people, as a tube fare, certainly if you add in the congestion charge (which as I said they may not realise isn't used on Sundays)

And driving an extra 20 minutes each way is 40 minutes added to each journey, 1 hour 20 to the day. On a busy sunny bank holiday weekend could be double that.

I suspect the going quiet for a bit was them saying "oh can we do that" and coming to the conclusion that as they were planning on parking and getting public transport in was not going to be worth it for any of you, rather than dismissing it out of hand.

Another time when you're planning it, say "any chance you'd be able to pick me up so we can go in together" rather than dropping it on them at the last minute.

Original poster
Foreverthinking · 06/05/2018 11:38

Actually jessika I've never asked them for a lift before so I don't see what's with people assuming otherwise.

If anything I've helped them out alot more than they ever have me. I've leant them money on at least 4 separate occasions whilst never asking for anything in return until today where I was still prepared to reimburse for the fuel on my pay day. They know me well enough to know I would keep my word.

Perhaps some posters have a bee in their bonnet as they're constantly pestered for lifts? Well that's not me. It's the only favour I've asked of them

OP posts:
GruffaIo · 06/05/2018 11:39

OP, do you live in London? Zone 9 tube (yes, it exists! - where I live) is £5.40 each way off peak on an Oyster card. So not £20. Does this mean you can afford to go?

rookiemere · 06/05/2018 11:42

So then I think you are taking offense for no reason.

If you wanted a lift then you should have asked a week ago when they were discussing transport. If they'd said no at that point you should then have said that money was tight so you couldn't justify taking the train.

They aren't mind readers, so unless you tell them this, they might think you want a lift because you couldn't be bothered to take public transport, rather than because you couldn't afford it.

lazyarse123 · 06/05/2018 11:42

I think you are getting a hard time unnecessarily, how hard would it be for your friends to offer to lend you the fare until tuesday.

Witchend · 06/05/2018 11:44

I think you are getting a hard time unnecessarily, how hard would it be for your friends to offer to lend you the fare until tuesday.

Firstly she didn't ask that, she asked for a lift. Secondly if she doesn't see them often they may be sceptical whether they'll get paid back as it's harder to do it not in person.

Nothisispatrick · 06/05/2018 11:46

Driving into Hyde park Shock where would you even park!

I am a born and bred Londoner and would never willingly drive into central London. It's not even the congestion charge or low emissions it's just an incredibly stressful place to drive.

Appuskidu · 06/05/2018 11:47

I think you are getting a hard time unnecessarily, how hard would it be for your friends to offer to lend you the fare until tuesday.

Well, we don’t know that, as that’s not what the OP asked for.

It sounds like you are on an extremely tight budget at the moment-perhaps its best for your bank balance that you do give it a miss.

pasturesgreen · 06/05/2018 11:50

It actually seems rather sensible of them to park and ride.

I'm sorry you're disappointed, OP. I'm sure you were looking forward to seeing your friends and attending the event, but they haven’t really done anything wrong.

You say picking you up would only add 20 minutes to their journey. Well, 20 minutes there and back, so that makes it 40 minutes. Or closer to an hour, most likely, as you have to factor in the fact they'd be navigating an unfamiliar route. I'm afraid I can see why they didn't positively jump at the chance, tbh.

rookiemere · 06/05/2018 11:50

Lazyarse123 - but OP did not ask for the money, nor did she let her friends know that she was short of funds. Hard for them to lend money if it isn't asked for - also hard for them to say yes to giving a lift that takes them 40 mins in total extra when OP is near public transport when they don't know that she can't afford it.

bbcessex · 06/05/2018 11:50

Emission charges operate every day, inc Sat, Sun and Bank Holidays. It’s a minimum of £100 so I can see why they’d want to park outside the zone and get the tube.

The congestion charge is different and is only Mon - Fri.

So they’re not duping you OP. Sounds like crossed wires; they had all sorted in their heads and didn’t even think you would have a different perspective.

Don’t let it spoil your relationship - this is not really a favour that makes sense for them to do!

Bummymum · 06/05/2018 11:52

You ask them for a ride the day of? Rude. It may be the first time you've asked but driver do get sick of non drivers asking for lifts.

I lived in London for most of my life and you get treated like a fucking taxi when you have a car.

Original poster
Foreverthinking · 06/05/2018 11:52

I think I am too, lazyarse123

Like I said they told me they were driving to Hyde park in London and walking the rest of the way if it's a nice day. They only mentioned getting a ride today so I have no idea where they have now decided to park up.

I take responsibility for lack of better planning.

I only assumed the worst as what I was told before has changed completely upon asking for a ride with them.

No gruffalo it would cost me more than that on the trains where I'd be coming from and i just don't have it spare. I am on basic maternity pay and have had additional expenses this month including a bill due tomorrow.

They know me better than to think I'm the self righteous sort who expect to be ferried around, like I said its the only time I've asked for a favour like this.

I think it's too late to ask to borrow any money now anyhow, I'll have to sit this one out.

I don't know why people have bitten so quickly, they have no idea I was feeling a little upset and I wasn't going to voice that.

I was sad about the fact i wasn't going to see friends who I haven't seen in over two years, not "angry" at them like somebody suggested

OP posts:
GlueSticks · 06/05/2018 11:53

TBH, OP, I'd be highly suspicious of the fact that they were pinging messages until you asked for a lift and then they stopped for 20 minutes, after which their plans appear to have changed. It sounds like they have deliberately changed plans so as to avoid giving you a lift. That seems mean and I'd be very hurt too.

Godowneasy · 06/05/2018 11:53

Parking in London is notoriously difficult and finding a parking space where they could park for most of the day will be nigh on impossible unless they use a proper car park. six hours parking near Hyde Park will cost about £40 if booked ahead- that's if there's spaces in the car park

You're being very unreasonable in blaming them for being difficult, and thinking they should do you a favour as you've done them favours in the past.