Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be upset with friends for not picking me up

280 replies

Foreverthinking · 06/05/2018 10:48

I've lived on the outskirts of a big city for a few years not and not seen much if anything of my friends back home.

Two of them are driving down today to go to an event we're all interested in, it has been pre arranged for a few weeks that we'd go together and have a catch up. I was looking forward to seeing them.

Today arrives and I just haven't got the disposable money outside of my budget to justify the train fares into the city centre. I don't drive. It'll cost me around £20 all in. I'm on a tight budget as a single mum on maternity leave and every penny I have has to go on necessities. I just don't have that going spare without leaving me short for a bill that's due tomorrow.

I asked whether it would be ok if they picked me up on their way through, and i'd happily compensate them for the extra fuel next week. It wouldn't put them off course too much at all, an extra 20 minutes driving if that. I added that it was totally ok if they didn't want to and it wouldn't be a problem.

Instead of just saying no they made up an excuse that because of low emmisons charges they'd have to park up somewhere and ride the rest of the way(?) Meaning they can't pick me up, so now I'm not going

Aibu to be a bit upset?

Ive been generous to both of these people over the course of knowing them 10 plus years and never asked for any favours before. I know I shouldn't expect to depend on others and don't mean to sound like a whiney git but if the shoe was on the other foot i'd be happy to have obliged just for the sake of seeing what I thought was a good friend! Sad

OP posts:
TwitterQueen1 · 06/05/2018 11:54

Why did you agree to go to the event if you knew you couldn't afford to get there?

What were your plans around food and drink?

m0therofdragons · 06/05/2018 11:54

No one in their right mind would drive to Hyde park. Parking in London would surely be more than £20 on its own.

Appuskidu · 06/05/2018 11:54

Where do you live though, OP? Surely there are cheaper trains?

IronMansIronButt · 06/05/2018 11:54

TBH, OP, I'd be highly suspicious of the fact that they were pinging messages until you asked for a lift and then they stopped for 20 minutes, after which their plans appear to have changed. It sounds like they have deliberately changed plans so as to avoid giving you a lift. That seems mean and I'd be very hurt too

Wow, thats some nasty paranoia! Obviously they stopped to talk to each other, because they couldn't beleive that OP would be so unreasonable as to ask them to change their whole plan at the last minute, to drive for up to an extra hour and a half, AND cost them money.

Hygge · 06/05/2018 11:55

Last time we parked at Hyde Park it cost us £40 to park for the day.

I didn't know the congestion charge didnt apply on Sundays, we're not local to London, you didn't know and you are local, so perhaps your friends don't know either.

I do agree with the others saying that 20 minutes out of their way is actually at least 40 minutes and they'll be doing it twice, making it an hour and twenty minutes of extra driving time, and with weekend bank holiday traffic it might easily double again.

Plus then finding somewhere else to park and possibly costing them more to do so, if they're not parking at the park and ride.

In an unfamiliar city they might be feeling confident about driving around.

It's a shame but it's not really something I think they've done on purpose.

underneaththeash · 06/05/2018 11:57

I never drive into London either OP and we used to live there.

I either get the train in, or drive closer and get the tube. Emissions zone also affects large diesel cars.

Original poster
Foreverthinking · 06/05/2018 11:57

GlueSticks, that's exactly what I thought, I'm glad somebody else would admit to feeling the same.

Twitter the event is free. I would have taken a packed lunch like I do every time I go out for the day.

I don't know how much parking costs at Hyde park but that was their intention, to come there and walk the remaining distance which is within walking distance.

That is what I was told, then today it changes and THAT is the only reason I was wondering whether they were just making up an excuse.

OP posts:
Original poster
Foreverthinking · 06/05/2018 12:01

Some of you really have your backs up, anybody would think it was you who I was asking to 'ferry me about'

I apologise for feeling slightly emotive that I didn't get to see my friends who I was looking forward to seeing, for fuck sake.

Like I said I could give or take the event and the lift, I was just a bit disheartened that I wasn't going to see them.

MY APOLOGIES

OP posts:
CuriousaboutSamphire · 06/05/2018 12:01

Hyde Park
Ride n Park

Possibly!

TemptressofWaikiki · 06/05/2018 12:02

Well, sometimes you cannot afford stuff. Suck it up. I loathe people who claim ‘yebbut I have done loads for them’ You did not ask properly, did not plan it and now sound like a sulky teenager.

bbcessex · 06/05/2018 12:02

OP - did they say ‘driving to Hyde Park’ or ‘going to Hyde Park?’

Could have been you just assumed.

Tawdrylocalbrouhaha · 06/05/2018 12:03

I live in London (zone 3) and I Never, ever drive into the centre. I wouldn't dream of it. Friends often park at mine and we all get the tube in together. YABMassivelyU to take offence at this.

Charley50 · 06/05/2018 12:04

No-one drives to Hyde Park. Maybe the 20 minutes was spent researching where you live in relation to where they were coming from, and where they were parking.
Presumably they have a long-ish drive down, then it's about 40 minutes on the tube into central London.
It's actually a lot to ask, especially at the last minute, and roads are horrendous on bank holiday.
I'm sure the event will be overcrowded and annoying. Why don't you either ask them to actually lend you £20 till next week, or just chill at home.
Yuk to sitting in a car or tube (with a baby in buggy?) on this glorious day..

Cakedoesntjudge · 06/05/2018 12:04

To be honest, driving issue aside, I would have offered to lend OP the money to get to the event if I was one of the friends and she said she was struggling to get there, even if it was last minute. My group of friends have done that for each other when one of us has been hard up financially many a time and it wouldn't even occur to us not to. If we couldn't afford it I'd have said something like "sorry op, can't pick you up because I'm not driving all the way - I'd lend you the money for travel but I just don't have it spare, sorry."

Hope you find something nice to do today and don't let your current situation get you down, nothing is permanent Flowers

fontofnoknowledge · 06/05/2018 12:05

Completely confused by entire premiss of need for a lift because of £20 cost. I live in very rural East Sussex. Return to London on Sunday is £9.80 ! How on earth can you be in London OP when zone 9 to zone 1 (Brentford to Hyde Park Corner as example is £5.40 each way) ?

Has this got more to do with your lifestyle choice. ? You have decided to have a child and perhaps they haven't and now you can't do the things that you used to be able to do - and are on an incredibly tight budget ?

I am guessing if they are child free they can afford to a. Drive. b. Go where they want , when they want. c. Can stop off for lunch in a cafe, buy coffees/have a drink., You not have spending money whilst in London and hanging out with someone who can't have a meal or even a coffee with them is not much fun and will make them feel bad or as though they should be paying for you. ?
It's all very well saying you don't mind and you will take a packed lunch etc but it's sometimes just bloody awkward. Imagine your friends see a place they want to eat, what do they do ? Go and sit in a cafe and wave at you through the window eating your sandwiches on the pavement or sitting on a bench in the park..

I think this just means your lives have taken different paths. You made a decision to go one way. They have gone another. It may not be the end of the road but it doesn't look like they are making much effort.

Original poster
Foreverthinking · 06/05/2018 12:05

They definitely said they were driving to Hyde park and walking the rest of the short distance. They have clearly changed their plans and that is their prerogative and fine. I am not saying they are 'to blame' for anything. I've not been difficult with them whatsoever and they're completely unaware that I'm disappointed.

I doubt even they would get as pissed off as some people here are doing on their behalf, It is possible to share your opinions without being needlessly harsh you know.

OP posts:
rookiemere · 06/05/2018 12:06

My bet is that they hadn't really thought through their plans properly.

So what seemed like a good idea a week ago perhaps wasn't when they researched how much it cost - and yes being honest the extra 40 minute drive and cost of petrol may have been factored into those conversations.

OP you haven't seen these friends for 2 years, I can understand that you're disappointed that you won't see them today, but I think it would be a bad move on your part to read anything into this other than poor advance planning on everyone's part.

TwitterQueen1 · 06/05/2018 12:07

I know the event is free OP. My question was why did you agree to go if you knew you couldn't afford to get there without someone picking you up and dropping you back? I can understand why you're disappointed but I don't think it's reasonable to expect others to sort out your transport issues.

rookiemere · 06/05/2018 12:07

Also I think to make a full judgement on this one it would be helpful to see the exact messages that were exchanged.

Charley50 · 06/05/2018 12:08

They might think it's you that can't be arsed to make the effort to see them.

bbcessex · 06/05/2018 12:08

I do agree that irrespective of driving, it would have been nice for them to offer some assistance with fares or at least lots of condolence if the my couldn’t help.

Some people are friends but just thoughtless OP

IronMansIronButt · 06/05/2018 12:09

That is what I was told, then today it changes and THAT is the only reason I was wondering whether they were just making up an excuse

They could have changed the plan days ago but not told you because it had nothing to do with and you had no reason to know about it.

Why did you lie to your friends?

Original poster
Foreverthinking · 06/05/2018 12:10

I really didn't foresee my travel costs being a problem, aside a bill that's due I've had to fork out for one or two unexpected expenses which has left me slightly shorter than I usually would be at this point.

I'm not going to end the friendship or anything equally as drastic as that would be ridiculous on my part and the thought never occurred. It did however occur that by being a little upset I was being unreasonable and that's why I posted in AIBU of all places.

OP posts:
BoxsetsAndPopcorn · 06/05/2018 12:10

YABVU, you should have planned better especially if you hadn't seen them in so long.

Original poster
Foreverthinking · 06/05/2018 12:11

IronMan

You're provocative and needlessly harsh, please stop commenting on this post

OP posts: