to wonder why adults let their children speak to them like this?

[dayinlifeof]

We were out earlier and saw some twins (probably 7/8), they'd just been bought some lovely things from a nearby stall at a fair and were queuing for candy floss. One demanded the candy floss, other shouted that they didn't want candy floss. Then the one with the candy floss shoved the things they had been bought at the adult with them and shouted 'take this or else' - none of the adults even batted an eyelid and just accepted it.

I was surprised that the parents didn't react at all to it, not even looking annoyed or irritated.

I'm not intending to judge, I'm just surprised that there was no reaction that all. I'd struggle not to react but maybe I have a shorter temper!

The kids sounded tired and grumpy. Sometimes the best thing to do is not engage, particularly if they've driven you to the ends of your own patience.

But sometimes parents are wet blankets.

You only saw a snapshot of their whole day.

Lets imagine they’d reacted, this thread would read “to wonder why adults respond so harshly”...parents are damed either way and it’s because of people that do exactly what you did, look for 5 seconds and assume you would handle it better.

@coffeecupofmilk I have one child who has issues. The absolute best thing to do is not to react.

If you can pull it off then you're a far better parent than I am then.

I'm also surprised at lots of things I see and hear. A child from my boys' school, aged 10, refused to get off the bus with his mother and when she told him she'd take his phone off him he did follow her but at the same time shouting 'Moron! Dickhead!' up the bus at her. Then when he was off he picked up a stone and threatened to throw it at her. Bus then drove off with me on it so not sure what happened then. I couldn't believe the way he spoke to his mother.

Yes, some children have issues and there are reasons parents let them speak the way they do, but there are also kids who are just allowed to rule the roost and get out of hand because their parents didn't get them under control when they were little.

Don't rise to shitty behaviour and they do it less.

The responses speak for themselves. I would never, EVER, have dreamed of speaking to my parents in anything approaching such a rude manner, and I know me and my family (?my family and I) were quite ordinary by the standards of the community I grew up in.

I'm absolutely stunned to hear the way some children speak to adults and each other. I do get a bit judgey.

But then I've not raised children....so...

Probably they are those parents who don't want to say no or tell off their little darlings for fear of upsetting them. If one of mine had spoken to me like that there would certainly be no candy floss being bought.

Any chance at all that these are children who have been blessed with a sense of humour and were having a little cheeky joke with their parents? My children will sometimes say things that (without context) sound very rude. But in reality we are having an in joke and they are making reference to something else we’ve seen or heard online or IRL.

There are any number of reasons :-

They know that the kids are doing it for a reaction so choose not to give them one.
They know that reacting makes it worse
They are exhausted and can’t face another fight
The kids are exhausted / ill / something else and this is out of character so the parents let it go.
They are ground down by it.
They can’t face the reaction in public if hey say no.
They have more than one child so don’t want the more ‘difficult’ one kicking off again and spoiling it for the other one
Someone might be giving them a lift home / they are getting a bus at a certain time so can’t have a massive fight before that and be stuck with nowhere to go.

Or possibly they have no bloody clue what to do, every parenting manual says a different thing and they are appalled themselves at how their kids speak to them but can see no resolution.

Or any number of other reasons. Parenting is not easy.

There's no way my kids would say this to me. Ever. They've been raised to use their manners and please/thank you etc. My daughter is currently being assessed for SEN too, and I have to say it annoys me that some people think rude or badly behaved kids automatically equals SEN.

You have no idea a) why the child spoke like that or b) why the parent didn’t react the way you would like them to.

I had a relative who ignored her children when they were misbehaving or talking rudely to other adults - she was afraid of them showing her up more I found out later. They grew up to be very nasty people btw.

Those who wouldn’t ignore, what would you do, especially if you were on your own in a busy environment and one child was behaving well but the other badly?

''I have to say it annoys me that some people think rude or badly behaved kids automatically equals SEN.''

it's because the 'professionals' blame every piece of juvenile bad behaviour these days on SEN or 'a difficult homelife' rather than try to recognize it as bad behaviour or discipline the child and that gives the genuine cases a bad name and excuses every kid for their poor behaviour. Worse is when the kid gets labelled and uses this as a license to do as they please.

it's because the 'professionals' blame every piece of juvenile bad behaviour these days on SEN or 'a difficult homelife' rather than try to recognize it as bad behaviour or discipline the child and that gives the genuine cases a bad name and excuses every kid for their poor behaviour. Worse is when the kid gets labelled and uses this as a license to do as they please.

Oh wow! You sound so well informed. Do tell us more from your wealth of expertise on SEN.

my DS as autism/adhd I pick which hill to die on, quite often he is abrupt, or rude, some days, when he's frazzled, its easier not to pull him up to keep him on an even keel, rather than trigger a meltdown.

And as to your comment to coffee, its not a matter of being a better person, its about knowing your child and how best to manage them.

My NT child gets short shrift if she's rude.

There's no way my kids would say this to me. Ever. They've been raised to use their manners and please/thank you etc. My daughter is currently being assessed for SEN too, and I have to say it annoys me that some people think rude or badly behaved kids automatically equals SEN.

You are pretty ignorant to SEN then. I have a brother with ASD who was a really strict rule follower and never would have spoken out of line or broke a rule. It wasn't down to good parenting whatsoever. I also have a daughter with ADHD and ASD who is nothing like her uncle. She is often rude, bad mannered, has meltdowns if she doesn't get her own way. I have been strict and consistent and it hasn't paid off. It's only more recently we've had to step back and let things go because we can't deal with a tantrumming 12 year old who will refuse to move at our will. We can't simply carry her to the car if she isn't behaving. If someone saw a snap shot of a bad day with her they may well judge that she only behaved that way because we have always been pushovers. I really can't stand when adults of compliant children think it is all down to their stellar parenting. It isnt, it's just personality.

With my son I can tell by the look in his eye which is my best option for dealing with deliberately bad behaviour. Diffuse diffuse diffuse is my mantra.

''I have to say it annoys me that some people think rude or badly behaved kids automatically equals SEN.''

It annoys me when people DONT think SN’s. Imagine a world where people were a little more tolerant and understanding. Rather than jumping to conclusions and judging!