to wonder why adults let their children speak to them like this?

[dayinlifeof]

We were out earlier and saw some twins (probably 7/8), they'd just been bought some lovely things from a nearby stall at a fair and were queuing for candy floss. One demanded the candy floss, other shouted that they didn't want candy floss. Then the one with the candy floss shoved the things they had been bought at the adult with them and shouted 'take this or else' - none of the adults even batted an eyelid and just accepted it.

I was surprised that the parents didn't react at all to it, not even looking annoyed or irritated.

Oops posted too soon

When out and about, I give the benefit of doubt. Rather than judging and jumping to conclusions.

I remember being tutted and hugged at my a member of staff in a supermarket. My dd was about 2 years old and was having a moment - this was rare and I didn’t really have an arsenal of strategies. We were in the honewares but so it was very quiet so I squatted down and out her on my knee and cuddled her while talking softly until she calmed down. It took maybe 3 minutes I imagine. I am not sure what the member of staff who tutted and huffed in my direction was troubled by but maybe she thought I was being too soft? Should have shouted? No idea. The point is it isn’t worth worrying about what other people are thinking.

I do what is best for my child, not what onlookers think I should do.

Coffee don't let the fuckers grind you down.

coffee I don’t think that comment was aimed at you. I think it was in reply to OP. Just badly timed!

You could look at kettles post for an example. there is no need to cause a confrontation, but equally you could simply say something like "excuse me, remember your manners please".

The amount of people on here who talk about being spoken to poorly by partners and teens etc. This is where it starts.

There is also no reason why any child whether NT or otherwise should be reminded of proper manners, they may take longer to get there but that's no reason not to try.

I repeat, there is no need to cause a confrontation or a scene, but doing nothing isn't ignoring the bad and encouraging the good, it's not pointing out rudeness when it occurs. If you haven't pointed it out at the time you are wasting your breath later as a child that age won't remember.

And yes, it was answering the OP.

I have to say it annoys me that some people think rude or badly behaved kids automatically equals SEN.

Well now, ds2 is autistic and is in the 'reactive, lashy-outy-when-anxious' camp. Ds1 is awaiting assessment for autism and is the very model of the mannerly child.

Them's the breaks, behaviour modelling is all well and good but sometimes it takes a while for the message to get through. In the meantime you let some things go over your head to avoid exacerbating things.

YABU.

What I would think...(not all mutually exclusive options)

• could be SEN
• could be parent picking battles
• could be someone with a different approach to parenting that me
• could be 'bad' parents

The only thing I know for certain is that I don't have sufficient evidence on what I've seen to make a decision.

coffee with the most respect, I think you are totally over-reacting, this isn't about you and your problems. I was answering the OP and you've chosen to take it personally.

And stop making assumptions about me coffee. I was brought up as one of 7 on a council estate. I don't give a flying fart how many kids you have or where you live. I was answering the OP. You crack on and do whatever you've been told. You are talking about your own specific child. The thread isn't about you and your child. My view isn't any less important than yours just because you have more children.

And to clarify......so I wouldn't jump to conclusions. But I would, if I caught the eye of the parent give a small look of solidarity....because in the majority of those sce

coffee you are the only one making personal attacks here. I'm giving you the benefit of the doubt here as you seem to be incredibly wound up.

Whoops...scenarios it might offer someone a bit of support rather than make them feel like crap.

DD1(12) is sometimes rude but is usually just blowing off steam. Over the years I've learned that yelling at her when she is anxious and grumpy doesn't work and in fact is highly counterproductive. I speak to her about her behaviour calmly with her when she is is in a better mood, and she really responds positively.

Sometimes it is the wrong time to go on about manners. Some children do not have the understanding to have the concept of manners.

There is also no reason why any child whether NT or otherwise should be reminded of proper manners, they may take longer to get there but that's no reason not to try

As has already been stated, it’s not as simple as that with children with disabilities. If it were I’m sure most parents of children with disabilities would have already tried it. ‘Just get him to do’ is something I hear often!

I do love a' around professional. My 10 year old with ASD has been assessed by various professionals, he is most definitely autistic, his autism has also had a profound effect on his siblings. Sometimes they all act like dicks as well due to this. I do the best I can to make sure we can all have the best time in often challenging situations. My son does very well at school and when with his peers, but he swears, pushes, kicks when at home and in some situations when out. He really does the best he can. There is a long history of autism in my family, both his grandparents are very high functioning ASC with PhD's in the sciences, where does your 'professional qualification' lie? Because I'm very interested to hear how I can improve my parenting and subsequently his cripplingly anxiety, he's begining to self harm at 10, so maybe you have some pointers?