to wonder why adults let their children speak to them like this?

[dayinlifeof]

We were out earlier and saw some twins (probably 7/8), they'd just been bought some lovely things from a nearby stall at a fair and were queuing for candy floss. One demanded the candy floss, other shouted that they didn't want candy floss. Then the one with the candy floss shoved the things they had been bought at the adult with them and shouted 'take this or else' - none of the adults even batted an eyelid and just accepted it.

I was surprised that the parents didn't react at all to it, not even looking annoyed or irritated.

why adults let their children speak to them like this?

Can people still be this ignorant?
How the fuck do you know what’s going on from a casual observation?

My DS looks NT but has been called ‘rude’ in public by strangers who don’t know, or care that he has ASD.

Those who wouldn’t ignore, what would you do, especially if you were on your own in a busy environment and one child was behaving well but the other badly?
In the scenario given my kids just would not react that way because they have been brought up not to since they were born. As parents DH and I model how we want to be treated, and we use manners to each other so our kids automatically use their manners as that is how they've been brought up. It's what they know.

It’s called picking your battles!

What age are your children shawshank

OP maybe the parent just didn't want to cause a scene in public and decided they would deal with it later.
Or they know reacting would be the wrong thing.
Or they were so fed up of their child's behaviour that they didn't know how to react.
Or the child has SEN or other issues that meant the parent decided to pick their battles.
Or maybe the adults speak to each other like that and its totally normal to them, sadly there are families like that.

I have to say it annoys me that some people think rude or badly behaved kids automatically equals SEN.

In some cases though it is exactly why children can come across as rude/naughty from a snapshot, and why a parent might not react, because sometimes it is better not to. It's not the only explanation and obviously not all children with SEN are rude or badly behaved and not all rude and badly behaved children have SEN but on threads like this it will always be mentioned as a possibility because so many people judge.

@Pressuredrip Not ignorant at all, just a different viewpoint with experience.

my DS as autism/adhd I pick which hill to die on, quite often he is abrupt, or rude, some days, when he's frazzled, its easier not to pull him up to keep him on an even keel, rather than trigger a meltdown.

Totally this. Ds is a lovely boy with autism, really polite and helpful at school, mostly really well behaved. Sometimes however he really loses his shit, such as last week on the playground when he called me a “f-ing bitch” mid meltdown. I suspect there were many parents nearby appalled at my terrible parenting but mid meltdown all rules of good behaviour go out the window

Yeah, I assume you have bought twins up yourself OP and you know how draining it is?

We used to do a sport that meant we were sometimes at event with Patient-Dad and his two Foul-Teenagers. The Teenagers would shout in the most disrepectful ways at dad inbetween their races. For eqiupment or whatever they wanted. Treated Dad like dirt.

I didn't get it then.. but now I think "He got them out doing sport all day, not bad with modern teenage boys." I can understand why he put up with so much verbal abuse.

3rdDC-now-teen was then a baby.. has been a difficult kid, often rude to us (& everyone). If being harsh every time he was horrible worked to make him behave - I would do it; I tried, zero tolerance or simply me getting mad doesn't improve the situation. Better to ignore & make sure he doesn't get what he wants by being foul. Best we can do.

That would have got an 'er, excuse me?' from me and then they would have asked politely as they know the drill. But, I guess it's been hot today and the kids were probably grumpy. My husband likely wouldn't have said anything and just muttered under his breath but I would have 100%.

tourettes? i do try not to look or stare at badly behaved children i used to but now realise theres more than meets the eye

its the parents that let their kids go on rampages that concern me not ones just being a bit naughty

I was quite strict with my children and particularly anxious that they should behave in public. But even so, there were times where for some reason I did things differently, there were situations where I did things differently, there were circumstances where I thought "this is actually going to work best in terms of longterm good behaviour". Because I knew my children.

Answer to OP: because the little darlings wear you down. Whatever boundaries and standards you thought you would enforce before becoming a parent get thrown out the window. Just not worth the moaning, fighting and random tantruming. Some of us have shorter fuses, yes, but is that any better?

I have to say it annoys me that some people think rude or badly behaved kids automatically equals SEN

No, not all rude or bad behaviour is as a result of special needs. But I do bear special needs in mind when seeing a snapshot of someone's behaviour, because for a lot of children with special needs, for a wide variety of reasons, their behaviour can look like 'bad' behaviour to an outsider.

My ds has special needs and when he is frightened, or overwhelmed or his routine is thrown out of whack he can act and say things in a way that cause people to stare and judge. His sisters would never act like this, because they don't have the issues he has.

It’s worth remembering the majority of children do not have SEN, therefore it’s unlikely every disrespectful/ rude child has SEN.
Shock horror there are actually some poorly parented children, who just know there won’t be any consequences for this kind of behaviour. And yes I know a couple.

It annoys me when people DONT think SN’s. Imagine a world where people were a little more tolerant and understanding. Rather than jumping to conclusions and judging!

Not all SEN kids behave badly, not all badly behaved kids are SEN. Kids with SEN still behave like kids and need consistent and firm boundaries, to know they are safe.

The words used in the OP were "take this or else". It's the "or else" that's the key here for me. To me that's not a child presenting with anxiety, or having a tough time with overload in the environment needing a calm "out". It may be ODD or FAS even, but even so the child presenting in that way will still need to be gently reminded of kind words/hands etc.

Have a bit of compassion?

Despite numerous posters saying their children have disabilities, it’s not taken on board. Why does it concern people how other people’s children talk to their parents? Why judge them? What difference does it make to your life?

i worked in it for 6 years before i went into nursing.

It is also worth bearing in mind that some children do have special needs, and so surely (as we can't possibly tell from a snapshot) it is better not to judge.

ShawshanksRedemption

How do you know which is which?

Wouldn’t it just be kinder to assume they DO have special needs?

''Why does it concern people how other people’s children talk to their parents? Why judge them? What difference does it make to your life?''

cos these kids not being taught manners and respect is the next generation...think it makes a big difference to all our lives duh

And you judging them is going to make a difference how? Duh!

My db was usually a very polite and well-mannered child, absolutely a credit to his parents. But (probably due to attachment disorder) there were days, maybe once a month, when he turned into a totally different person. He would argue constantly, push everybody's buttons until somebody gave him the excuse to go into total meltdown; it was almost as if he needed the release. Screaming, kicking, biting, throwing things, completely beside himself. Sometimes there was absolutely nothing you could do, sometimes you could ward a meltdown off by distracting him or making him laugh.

One of my scarier memories is one day on holiday being pursued by a crowd of Italian women who all shouted "beat him, beat him" while my dad carried him, in full meltdown, down the road, just trying to get away from them. That was the kind of scene my parents were rather keen to avoid. It doesn't mean they weren't usually strict and insisted on good behaviour; it just meant they could spot the signs of a bad day.

i worked in it for 6 years before i went into nursing.

We’re you sacked?

Fair enough, thanks Shawshanks.