I think my friend should pay, she thinks we should split it?

[Welshgal1]

Driving a friend 4 hours away for an operation (cosmetic) and will use 2 full tanks of fuel in my car, cost of a hotel, food while I'm there and I'm using a days annual leave.
She wants to split all costs down the middle, whereas I think I'm using my holiday entitlement and 2 days of my time (which I am more than happy to give up) but don't think I should be paying for fuel, or for the hotel? I've said I'll pay for all my own food.
Her logic is we're both going so why should only she pay, she's already paying lots for surgery.
My logic is I wouldn't be going if it wasn't to do her a favour so don't see it fair to split costs.
Whats the right thing to do here? Don't want to be mean but trying to be fair...

She may be thinking you are getting a couple of days away in London, but if that's not something you would enjoy then it is a different matter.

I would text something along the lines of 'i'm sorry but I wasn't expecting costs to be so high when I offered to help, I think we might need to rethink this' If she presses further say you can't afford it and are not prepared to but it on your credit card.

She is being cheeky but assuming it is a friend you care enough about to have offered in the first place, I wouldn't be telling her to get stuffed just yet.

Cheeky mare. I would pay for my own food but beyond that all the costs are hers to pay. Especially the petrol.

OP, you are right, you should not pay a penny for your taxi service. You have already given a huge amount of your time, annual leave, and effort in driving the distance.

So now you have a choice to make. Either you let your worry over her make you agree to her terms, or you back off and give her the freedom to make her own choices and live with the consequences.

To be honest, my belief is that the latter is more healthy for both of you. She is an adult and can make her own choices, and has to live by her bad ones. Just like you and I do. If you start being her personal taxi like this, you will be expected to do it again, you can be sure about that.

What are you worried about for her? IF she take public transport and faints or something, then the ambulance will take her to hospital and she will get the treatment she needs. But that's really not likely to happen for cosmetic procedures on healthy people who have been deemed safe for discharge. You sound overly concerned, it might be worth exploring why that is.

Bloody hell, tell her you can't afford it and she should revisit her original plan.

Tell her the plan is off.

I mean this in the nicest possible way but I’d be telling her to fuck off

Of course you shouldn’t be paying. You shouldn’t even be taking your precious holiday for this cheeky fucker

Please don’t go.

Why don’t you let her go on the train her own? She can take a taxi to the hotel from the hospital. She needs to ensure she has food/drinks for the duration of the hotel stay but apart from that she should be ok even if feeling crap. Then you can just go and pick her up by car. She then pays for the petrol.

You're doing her a huge favour no way should you pay half ....

No it doesn't, she shoukd have factored in, all this when she decided to do the op. Yiu will be out of packet helping her, that is not on! It's not just a bit, but a lot, a couple of hundred by the sounds of it. I wou,d tell her no, you can't afford to. She will need to go by public transport and stay in hospital longer to recover.

It's not a holiday. How dare she? Tell her to get the train.

Nobody, friend of foe, should expect you to be out of pocket like that. I can't think how she is telling herself that is ok! Don't let yourself be pressurised into parting with YOUR cash. That's just plain wrong of her.

She should pay. A friend recently came with me to visit my son in hospital. It’s a 2 day round trip and requires staying overnight in a hotel. I of course paid - she offered to pay for her room, towards petrol etc but I told her not to be so daft. She was taking two days out of her life to visit my son.

Etino I can see where youre coming from. Op, if she was perfectly happy with her plans but you insisted on helping and wouldn't take no for an answer I can see where she's coming from. If not, she's a cf!

Sometimes in life we have those moments when we realise we have confused 'friend' with 'someone I know'.

This is one of those moments.

Seriously, why can't she catch a train there and stay on in London until she's well enough to come home. Why do you have to do this? I would expect everything to be paid for and my meal bought!

I would text her saying that you do t have the money to cover the costs and will not be coming along after all. It s absolute cheek of her to expect you to pay I think you should cut your losses in the friendship full stop,

If you can’t afford it (& it sounds as if you can’t) you will have to tell her you can’t help out.

i'm with most PP - she should pay. you're doing her a favour and using holiday leave to do it. you absolutely should not also be out of pocket while doing her a favour.

Is this a total bolt from the blue, OP?

Or does she have form for extreme levels of brass neck-edness?

I can see why you offering to pay your share of the hotel costs is plausible as you've offered to take her.

'I'll take you as a kind thing to do, but you can pay for everything' - I'm not sure I would accept an offer like that.

That said, I would definitely pay for my friend's fuel.

I would just tell her that you're really sorry but you can't offer her a lift now. You don't even need to say why. Maybe you could pick her up from the train station or something reasonably benign like that instead. But you don't HAVE to do anything for her, you are well within your rights just to say "sorry but my plans have had to change, and I wont be able to give you a lift now. I hope you can find a suitable alternative. Best of luck with the procedure".

I think lalaloopy has worded it really well.

I can see how someone of a certain mindset may have interpreted your concern and offer of help as alternative as meaning you'd shoulder half the costs. It's not a mindset that is based in the real world but I've met the type before.

Do we know it's cosmetic surgery

Let her use public transport

Just to add: I would also, if I were the friend, offer to pay for everything. I wouldn't demand it from the person (you OP) who was doing something like that.