I think my friend should pay, she thinks we should split it?

[Welshgal1]

Driving a friend 4 hours away for an operation (cosmetic) and will use 2 full tanks of fuel in my car, cost of a hotel, food while I'm there and I'm using a days annual leave.
She wants to split all costs down the middle, whereas I think I'm using my holiday entitlement and 2 days of my time (which I am more than happy to give up) but don't think I should be paying for fuel, or for the hotel? I've said I'll pay for all my own food.
Her logic is we're both going so why should only she pay, she's already paying lots for surgery.
My logic is I wouldn't be going if it wasn't to do her a favour so don't see it fair to split costs.
Whats the right thing to do here? Don't want to be mean but trying to be fair...

Is there any way in which it's turned into a holiday for you (ie it's not a trip you'd have thought to go on but you agreed on the basis that it's a night away in a nice town or something?) Even then she's stretching it I think.

Yikes.... reply, I am sorry if you had misunderstood my offer. I am still happy to drive and use my annual leave to help you but not willing to pay for the hotel and fuel.

She sounds a bit thick, OP. Can she honestly not see the difference between spending 13K on her own boob job/arse expansion/facelift and you having to shell out for a trip that does not benefit you in any way, which actively inconveniences you, uses up annual leave?

And yes, as you sound as though you aren't used to London, have you factored in paying the congestion charge, if the hospital/clinic is central, and paying for parking, as London hotels don't sit in the midst of extensive carparks?

So let's get this straight she's having £13,000 worth of surgery and she can't really afford it...taking out loans that are more than she can cope with and she is now trying to Guilt you into paying for extra things that she can't find the money for.

She sounds like bad news... I think you'd be better off with her out of your life

She has taken out a loan of 13k for her operation but can’t afford another £100/200 to pay for you, her friend who is taking a days annual leave amongst other things to help her out.

She is a rude, entitled selfish person

Well hope she has a nice train trip.

I'd just say 'I'm sorry but as I said, I can't spare the money as well as the time and annual leave.'

Honestly if she can afford the procedure, she can also afford to pay the expenses associated with it.

She doesn't seem to get it that it's not a matter of you "sparing a couple of hundred", it's effectively giving it to her in addition to going to a hell of a lot of trouble on her behalf.

Don't engage in discussion, just repeat that if you have to pay half the costs it's not doable and wish her well.

Noooooooooo

She’s a cheeky fuck isn’t she
Then she realised she’d pushed it too far so sent you another text

How is she a friend exactly

People really behave like this ? CF'er in extremus

I despair for humanity

a meme for OP to send

I've gone from wondering whether I'm being unfair not offering to split costs to being absolutely raging! If she wants to take out £13k loans and get herself into debt that's fine but god forbid I want to save up whilst trying for a baby! She can take the bloody train I was going to miss my ovulation day anyway so I will stay home and baby dance

She should pay for everything.
Also, i think these clinics advise the patient to have a friend or family to accompany them when they leave, in the event of complications. If that's the case, you would be playing a huge role in this and you're worth a few hundred quid.

Good on you OP, and good luck ttc!

I must have missed something...did you ask her to take out £13k in loans? If so then she has a point. If not she can do one.

It's as if she thinks that the surgery is something she's doing as a favour to humankind in general so you should also make some financial sacrifice ....

Is this cosmetic surgery? Or life-saving surgery?

I would tell her to get stuffed.

I would send her a text saying "OK, I understand it will be too much for you, it's probably best you just get the train then, and that way you won't have all this extra expense. Good luck."

Wow. What a cruel thing to say to someone TTC. That's breathtakingly arrogant and dimissive - she chose to take out those loans, so you should just find a few hundred quid because princess says so?

I would not be continuing this friendship.

Do you owe her any favours?

I've taken out loans of nearly 13k for this, you don't need to tell me about debt. I know you're saving but you're not pregnant yet so surely sparing a couple of hundred wouldn't break the bank right now? I really need your help."

Jesus. This woman is a narcissist.

Get rid. Now. End of.

Well done OP, I wouldn’t be taking her either. Good luck for ttc!

Two or three hundred quid is a lot to spend on a favour. Reiterate to her that you can't afford that at the moment - she's made the choice to blow 13k on plastic surgery.

Op - just read your 12.57 post. She's, voluntarily, going into £13K's worth of debt + expects you to incur expenses to enable this?
Not one penny

surely sparing a couple of hundred wouldn't break the bank right now? I really need your help.

So rude!

If she went alone, she'd still have to pay for transport and a hotel.

Hotel rooms aren't cheaper for single occupants.

She might save money on the fuel vs train fare element, but she'd then need to factor in taxis etc as surely she won't want to be on tubes or buses post-op, and she may not be discharged anyway if that was her plan.

I'd reply and tell her to cost it up with just her own travel & accommodation, and then you can see what the difference is. If it's more than twice as much to have you go, then neither of you can afford it. If it's less than twice, then I might consider contributing a token amount - but really I'd think she needs to pay.

Currently she can't afford the full costs of her surgery as she hasn't factored all this in.

For context currently TTC.. saving up as much as possible to live comfortably during maternity leave etc.

Your offer of your time is very generous op.
Your "friend" is being very unreasonable.

One of the important lessons I learnt during pregnancy and becoming a mum is how to say "no" to others, and put the wellbeing of myself and my DC above my fear of saying "no". I had to learn to tolerate the uncomfortable feeling of other people being cross with me, or believing I'd let them down. It doesn't come naturally to me and I suspect not to you either, but it does get easier with practice.

Please prioritise your own savings. You have been very generous in offering your time and energy on what probably won't be a fun trip for you.