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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

PIL has sent be a bill for a broken wine glass

999 replies

pugreverywhere · 03/05/2018 14:55

Yes, had to namechange.

Went to PIL' home last weekend, had a glass of wine and I accidentally dropped it. No big deal, they shrugged it off. I get on well with both FIL and MIL, have been with DH for 4 years now and we are having our first child in 4 months.

They're well off.. as in, VERY well off.. DP and I on the other hand live in a rented 3 bed semi-dettached property so definitely not as well off.

I didn't know at the time, but said wine glass apparently happens to be pretty high end. FIL has this morning sent me an e-mail saying that I can just transfer the £156 to him or buy the glass online. He even attached a link and included their address, should I not know it by now(!).

At first I thought it was a joke only to realise that these people have no sense of humor, so they obviously must be expect me to pay them ASAP. Haven't told DH yet. Really shocked at this as they are not known for being stingy.

AIBU not to pay this? I am tempted to buy a £20 glass off Amazon!

OP posts:
Motoko · 04/05/2018 00:14

OP will need to start a new thread soon, if she wants to continue it.

I've noticed the glitch is back, with repeated posts again, which will eat up the rest of the thread quickly. If it looks like your post hasn't posted, don't click "post message" again straight away, wait a bit, as it usually does post.

Smidge001 · 04/05/2018 00:15

Actually orchid, she did initially say "had a glass of wine". It was later that she said it was actually a mock tail in a wineglass.

However I do agree that posters should take the effort to read all the OPs posts before commenting themselves.

QuackPorridgeBacon · 04/05/2018 00:16

Fucking hell. All this over a glass that they chose to buy and then let someone use. Everyone knows accidents can happen and if you can’t afford to replace it then don’t let others use it. Big things like a tv etc I’d probably understand. But a glass? That they didn’t have to let you use is ridiculous. I’d make t clear that your child won’t be near them at all and as for his comment saying not ask for anything again, I’d remind him that you haven’t asked for anything and in fact he has shoved these gifts onto you whilst making out you can’t or won’t buy decent things for your child, not his child but yours. I’m really impressed with your husband. My partner cut of his mother because she was nasty about me behind my back and she doesn’t come to see our kids. It’s her that’s losing out, not us. And it will be the same for you. Stay strong in all this craziness.

Motoko · 04/05/2018 00:22

Anyway Evangeline3, your post was unnecessary and obviously judgemental, and had nothing to do with the actual topic. And you don't need to read hundreds of messages, but it would be courteous to read the OP's posts before replying.

OrchidInTheSun · 04/05/2018 00:23

I know. I was confused by Evangeline saying it was in the title.

Evangeline3 · 04/05/2018 00:23

@Motoko Judgemental, yes, I'm a human, I shan't pretend I'm not judgement especially when it comes to people pitting vulnerable children at risk by drinking/ smoking/ doing drugs, I will always have something to say.

Goldmonday · 04/05/2018 00:24

Op you may have had a lucky escape here, this crazy behaviour would have carried on for the rest of your life and only escalated once you had your baby.

People do buy unnecessary and expensive gifts as a means to ensure that they are "owed" something in return, be it emotionally or otherwise. It's manipulative and sickening.

Your DH is clearly mortified about his parents behaviour, and he has absolutely done the right thing by sticking up for you.

Think of this as a chance to establish some boundaries with them.

Evangeline3 · 04/05/2018 00:29

BTW, your PIL don't deserve to be in your beautiful child's life.
Shane really, they shall miss out.
Vile behaviour from them and poor DH.

Doingreat · 04/05/2018 00:30

Is this the longest thread on mumsnet?
Your father in law is a pillock. Has he lost his mind? Tell him that
GLASSES BREAK. COS THEY ARE MADE OF GLASS. END OF

hellsbellsmelons · 04/05/2018 00:34

What Evangeline?
She had a MOCKTAIL.
That means NO alcohol.
As PP said.
At least read OPs posts.

moofeatures · 04/05/2018 00:37

I’m hoping your ILs will have calmed down and realised the consequences of their actions in the morning Flowers

Purpleneonpinkunicorns · 04/05/2018 00:37

Well done for your dp being on side with you, it's just a shame his farther is happy to use the glasses but then charge for them if one breaks Confused, seems like he's money orientated and doesn't realise what he's going to lose for a while for a few hundred quid, well done for standing your grounds..both of you.

GilligansKitchenIsland · 04/05/2018 00:41

Oh fgs @Evangeline get off your high horse. Even if the OP was having a glass of wine there's literally not one shred of evidence to support the idea that a very occasional glass of wine in pregnancy puts the baby at risk. You're as likely to harm the baby by walking next to a busy road.
But I'll tell you what's morally worse than a glass of wine whilst pregnant: being so hung up on your own sense of superiority that you completely fail to notice that someone else is having a hard time.

Evangeline3 · 04/05/2018 00:43

@GilligansKitchenIsland High horse?
I disapprove of drinking/ smoking/ drugs during pregnancy, not sure how that puts me on a pedestal. 🤔
Alcohol has an affect on the body which you would not want to pass onto the baby, it hasn't been approved of safe so why risk it for the sake of leisure?
Approve all you want of drinking whilst pregnant. I shall continue to disagree and don't have a problem pointing it out.

Nanny0gg · 04/05/2018 00:59

Evangeline3 You did read the part where the OP said it was a 'mocktail' didn't you? Or don't you read all the OP's posts in a thread?

Motoko · 04/05/2018 01:02

But OP DID NOT HAVE ALCOHOL!

GreenTulips · 04/05/2018 01:02

all you want of drinking whilst pregnant. I shall continue to disagree and don't have a problem pointing it out

Even when totally irrelevant to the thread?

Takemetovegas · 04/05/2018 02:51

Oh dear your FIL is a CF.

I presume like most families that if PIL wanted to discuss money he would normally do this through your DH? I think he messaged you directly so that you would feel bad and send him the $$ quietly without telling DH. My guess is he knows just how strong your DH backbone is and didn’t really want to take him on.
I’m pretty sure that this is the fight that “you had to have” and at some stage your IL’s would get to this.
Don’t feel too bad. It will most likely blow over and things will get realitvely back to normal. This may req a fake apology on your DH behalf but they won’t forget what that you can stick up for yourselves and things will get better.
Return everything and show them that the cash doesn’t breed compliance but you might need to soften a bit soon too.
As far as MIL’s messages go, read them and it’s reply “Oh! I know. DH is very upset so you should really contact him.” and some infantile crap about how “DH looks after the money, you know how I am, I don’t really understand/like to get involved those things” - this will prob make perfect sense to her and move you out of the middle of the fight. You really can’t win in your position.
Oh and as for the wine glass (although we’re really past that now aren’t we?) it isn’t normal to give someone such an expensive and breakable item with out telling them how much they cost AND then charge them when an accident inevitably happens. When thing are better make sure you request the cheap glasses and break one on each visit. The say something like “oh clumsy aren’t I? How much do I owe for this one again???” And when DC arrives get OTT about following them around and loudly request that anything breakable needs to be moved and awkwardly joke that “I can’t take out yet another mortgage to replace their over priced things”.
The IL’s don’t actually sound like truely awful people. They do sound difficult and arrogant people who need to get used to a new position in your DH life.
Big hugs and good luck to you and DH. Raise a “cheap” glass to your family sticking together. He’s a total keeper.

PastaOfMuppets · 04/05/2018 03:17

OP, what a sad story this is ... I agree with you that it's likely going to be picked up by the Daily Mail.

Can you read MIL's fb msgs, just in case she is trying to make amends, then ignore if she isn't?

Evangeline3 · 04/05/2018 03:22

Yep I know she didn't have alcohol. Someone told me that. However, people are still calling me judgemental for it so I protected my opinion on people who do drink whilst pregnant.
People judging me calling me judgemental, hypocrisy at its best.

gingergenius · 04/05/2018 03:38

Just read this entire thread and can't believe their lack of manners. Your dh sounds fab!

gingergenius · 04/05/2018 03:39

Just read this entire thread and can't believe their lack of manners. Your dh sounds fab!

flubdub · 04/05/2018 04:31

Hugs OP and your DP.
I think you've handled it well and your DP is a star.

flubdub · 04/05/2018 04:31

Hugs OP and your DP.
I think you've handled it well and your DP is a star.

Mummyoflittledragon · 04/05/2018 05:53

If “only the best” were good enough for your baby, your fil would be ensuring you had a car to drive the baby around in. He’d also understand that buying property is far more difficult than at certain points in the past and lend/ give you a deposit on a little house even if it were only enough to get a house smaller than the one you rent.

Egg prams and £156 wine glasses are money wasters and overtly flashy. A basic car to get from a-b and a safe roof over your head is far more practical. That he hasn’t offered to help with either of these things proves that your fil has no concept of the real world and enjoys lording his superior wealth, status and masculinity over you both.

Of course parents owe their children nothing. However, it’s a sorry state of affairs when parents have so much and expect their children to suffer and at the same time simultaneously worship them to one day ensure they receive the holy grail of inheritance.

I have a narcissistic mother. You are going to have to play replacing the glass and returning the car very carefully. Your fil will absolutely see this as acquiescence. I would put the car keys and the glass in the post along with any money for car hire (are you going to pay this?) and include a handwritten note saying that as far as your dh is concerned, all debts are now paid.