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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

PIL has sent be a bill for a broken wine glass

999 replies

pugreverywhere · 03/05/2018 14:55

Yes, had to namechange.

Went to PIL' home last weekend, had a glass of wine and I accidentally dropped it. No big deal, they shrugged it off. I get on well with both FIL and MIL, have been with DH for 4 years now and we are having our first child in 4 months.

They're well off.. as in, VERY well off.. DP and I on the other hand live in a rented 3 bed semi-dettached property so definitely not as well off.

I didn't know at the time, but said wine glass apparently happens to be pretty high end. FIL has this morning sent me an e-mail saying that I can just transfer the £156 to him or buy the glass online. He even attached a link and included their address, should I not know it by now(!).

At first I thought it was a joke only to realise that these people have no sense of humor, so they obviously must be expect me to pay them ASAP. Haven't told DH yet. Really shocked at this as they are not known for being stingy.

AIBU not to pay this? I am tempted to buy a £20 glass off Amazon!

OP posts:
NameChangeOnTheRegular · 03/05/2018 22:33

Let her see that you've read them. You don't owe her a response.

AmazingPostVoices · 03/05/2018 22:34

Message her back on fb so all the relatives and friends can see.

That would be a terrible thing to do April

SandAndSea · 03/05/2018 22:35

I love the sound of your husband. I think he responded perfectly.

Aprilmightbemynewname · 03/05/2018 22:36

Well I can't imagine fil will be truthful to the family about why he doesn't see his new dgc.

Zyxy · 03/05/2018 22:39

It's so much better for you to have found out what kind of people they really are now rather than later, after DGC is born.

Something must have been bubbling for this to have happened but well done to you and DH, you've handled it well.

TulipsInAJug · 03/05/2018 22:39

Paying for the glass was absolutely the right thing to do. Return the car with a full tank.

Then wait for them to come crawling back asking for contact with their GC. But in your newly established relationship, don't fall for any power games. Your FIL has behaved dreadfully.

mrcharlie · 03/05/2018 22:40

Funny someone mentioned FB
Maybe some of FIL several businesses are on social media, would be terrible if a link to this were posted, would it not?
Give the guy a proper headache

Knittedfairies · 03/05/2018 22:40

Let her see that you've read them. You don't owe her a response.

This.

dinosaurkisses · 03/05/2018 22:42

Read MILs messages!

If she's trying to apologise and sort things out then it'll be a relief, if she's decided to take FIL's lead and be a dick then she'll be raging that you've read them and not replied!

I'd reserve judgement on MIL for now- the whole "transfer £60 and that'll sort it" suggestion is something that my own mum would have said when I had fallen out with my dad as a teenager and with us both being stubborn she'd try and get us both to compromise. It doesn't necessarily mean she agrees, she could just want and easy life.

AmazingPostVoices · 03/05/2018 22:44

Well I can't imagine fil will be truthful to the family about why he doesn't see his new dgc

Possibly not April but publicly humiliating people is hardly going to bring things to a happy resolution now is it?

And washing your dirty linen in public is never classy.

Aprilmightbemynewname · 03/05/2018 22:45

She could use the £60 for an appointment at a solicitor's to divorce the nasty fucker.
She should not have got involved unless she agreed with fil. Her loyalty has likely lost her a dgc.

expatinscotland · 03/05/2018 22:47

I'd read the messages.

LastOneDancing · 03/05/2018 22:48

This is just sad Sad

OP has potentially lost a good relationship with her MIL at a time when family support is going to start being incredibly important.
DHs relationship with both parents is now awkward and will be additional pressure.
MIL has potentially lost DS, DIL and will be in pieces at the thought of not seeing DGC.
And all because of one controlling dickhead and his best glass.

What I do think though, is the hand that rocks the cradle rules the world - a natural power shift is coming and it's a good sign that your DH is strong and is ready to stand up to his father. This might not be a disaster.

Delatron · 03/05/2018 22:49

Agree that the '£60 and I'll sort the rest' was a clumsy attempt by MIL to keep the peace. She will think she was helping you out but also didn't want to anger FIL. Obviously she should have told him he was being ridiculous but who knows the dynamics.

I hope the £156 is worth it to FIL to have soured relations between you all, especially when new GC is in the way.

Will be interesting to see what the Facebook messages say.

Bluelady · 03/05/2018 22:49

I feel for MiL. My mum would try to keep the peace at any cost. I can just imagine her behaving exactly the same in this situation. I imagine she feels torn in halves.

TrudeauGirl · 03/05/2018 22:50

I hope your DH is ok. What a sad situation :-(

GreenTulips · 03/05/2018 22:50

She should not have got involved unless she agreed with fil

Well if things had gone the way they always do, she would've expected OPs DH to back down and comply

This would be new territory for MIL and is panicking hence the observe amount of messages

Either to calm the situation down and get her son to comply or to try and brush it under the carpet.....

I'd read the messages and see where she's at.

It might be a push she needs to leave him!

CadyHeron · 03/05/2018 22:50

Not read all the replies, but if you pour guests drinks in such ridiculously expensive glasses without telling them, it's your own fault for being such a feckin eejit.
I'd no doubt laugh because they could not surely be being serious.

SunwhereareyouShowyourself · 03/05/2018 22:51

amazing

Not so sure.. Yes it would burn bridges further but.. It also gets the truth out there..
*

SunwhereareyouShowyourself · 03/05/2018 22:53

I suspect she will be panicking and want to use every toole in the the book to bring dh to heal because I bet that will be far easier than bringing fil to heal.

Motoko · 03/05/2018 22:53

Because OP said that her FIL is hard to impress, and that DH wanted to make his father proud, I get the impression that DH feels he has never quite lived up to his father's standards.

I suspect MIL offered to pay for some of the cost of the glass, to try and keep a relationship with her son and DIL (and soon to be grandchild). She's most likely quite controlled by FIL.

RippleEffects · 03/05/2018 22:54

Its all happened so fast. I've certainly done things in the past that were reactionary and weren't my finest. I hold my hands up and have had to deal with moving on past them.

My suggestion for now would be hug your husband and get some rest. Leave the messages, turn your phone off, get some time between today's events and next steps.

Going NC is a massive thing to do and has repercussions. I say this as someone who has done it, including police involvement, restraining orders and moving area.

The relationship you had was not what you'd thought. Chances are there can be some form of relationship, if you both want it, but it'll take time to build from some new foundations up.

SunwhereareyouShowyourself · 03/05/2018 22:54

Blue, it's very clear who is in the the wrong here.

If by dh behaved like this to our pregnant dd I would be asking him to to apologise and calming and comforting dd over the silly old fool.

DartmoorDoughnut · 03/05/2018 22:55

Hope you’re all ok Pug and that bump is letting you get some sleep

Bluelady · 03/05/2018 22:55

I doubt it's about bringing anyone to heel, more about attempting reconciliation and harmony.