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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

PIL has sent be a bill for a broken wine glass

999 replies

pugreverywhere · 03/05/2018 14:55

Yes, had to namechange.

Went to PIL' home last weekend, had a glass of wine and I accidentally dropped it. No big deal, they shrugged it off. I get on well with both FIL and MIL, have been with DH for 4 years now and we are having our first child in 4 months.

They're well off.. as in, VERY well off.. DP and I on the other hand live in a rented 3 bed semi-dettached property so definitely not as well off.

I didn't know at the time, but said wine glass apparently happens to be pretty high end. FIL has this morning sent me an e-mail saying that I can just transfer the £156 to him or buy the glass online. He even attached a link and included their address, should I not know it by now(!).

At first I thought it was a joke only to realise that these people have no sense of humor, so they obviously must be expect me to pay them ASAP. Haven't told DH yet. Really shocked at this as they are not known for being stingy.

AIBU not to pay this? I am tempted to buy a £20 glass off Amazon!

OP posts:
Ravenesque · 03/05/2018 22:19

I'm so sorry that it's come to this, but I'm guessing that it probably would have eventually, a sort of slower journey to enough is enough. What is very telling - in a good way - is that your dh was prepared to put up with his father until he turned on you and then that was it. He clearly loves you very much. You're worried about him, so you love him very much too. This will be hard to get through, but I know you will. You truly have each other's backs.

Please don't allow guilt to hang around. None of this is either your or Mr Pug's doing. You are the victims here. Take care, much respect to Mr Pug and you two are a grand couple.

Sorry that this is a bit soppy, it's all so sad and both very sad and very happy can make me stupidly emotional.

mrcharlie · 03/05/2018 22:21

Returning the car.....

Easy
Park it
Lock it
Post keys

I'm guessing the closed gates implies there is a seperate external post box.

Incidentally, the car.....
I'm guessing that this is a luxury car that FIL has aquired in connection with his several businesses, a car that I also suspect is rented out to DH at a much reduced rate???

That would make sense

Still, I completely agree with what you and DH have done.
Stick to your guns and don't let them buy you.

Pettynotvindictive · 03/05/2018 22:21

Just prepare yourselves for the:
"Now we've all had a chance to calm down and reconsider, let's talk about this like adults" text tomorrow from fil

GenghisCalm · 03/05/2018 22:22

Wow, how awful for you. I'm glad you are replacing the glass as anything drunk out of them now will be like poison after losing their son and family.

YimminiYoudar · 03/05/2018 22:22

not sure how we are going to return the car if FIL won't let us in on his property

Park across the gates. lock the car and put the keys in an envelope then use a slingshot (or old pair of tights) to catapult them over the gate. Job done and you never have to see the nasty git again. (Do see Mil though she seems ok, so long as she doesn't waste her breath on trying to mend the bridges that fil smashed.

GenghisCalm · 03/05/2018 22:22

Wow, how awful for you. I'm glad you are replacing the glass as anything drunk out of them now will be like poison after losing their son and family.

GenghisCalm · 03/05/2018 22:22

Wow, how awful for you. I'm glad you are replacing the glass as anything drunk out of them now will be like poison after losing their son and family.

JessieMcJessie · 03/05/2018 22:23

Wouldn’t that be a good thing Petty?

BackforGood · 03/05/2018 22:24

Wow. Just flabbergasted at your FiL's behaviour.
Total respect to your dh.
that must just have been the straw that broke the camel's back. Good for him for finding the courage to stand up to his father. What a sad state for your FiL to have pushed him to.

Gemz1806 · 03/05/2018 22:25

I've been watching this all day with horror and interest. I did feel for the MIL for a while. Not now, but a little bit of me feels she is doing what your wonderful DH is doing, standing by their OH.

Im surprised to feel glad he bought the glass, I know the money could have been better spent for your new baby, but..... I hope he hands its over with the words "I hope it was worth it?" and walks away. You wont cut them out forever but they need to know, you as a family wont be played or controlled by them from now on.

GabsAlot · 03/05/2018 22:25

u can always read the messages op but not reply

i think they'll just see you replacing the glass as giving in they sound like narcissists-unless dh actually says heres your precious glass now fuck off

GenghisCalm · 03/05/2018 22:26

Wow, how awful for you. I'm glad you are replacing the glass as anything drunk out of them now will be like poison after losing their son and family.

SunwhereareyouShowyourself · 03/05/2018 22:26

Not really petty because fil has behaved abomination and it needs to address

Queenio24 · 03/05/2018 22:26

What a fool to ruin his relationship with his family and soon to be born grandchild. All for making a stand about a wine glass (shakes head).
TBH if he will do this about a wine glass, imagine which he would be like if you baby vomited on a carpet, broke an ornament. You are well rid really, but it's very sad.
I also think MIL will be panicking about it all too.

AmazingPostVoices · 03/05/2018 22:27

I think it’s really weird of those suggesting holding their relationship with the baby to ransome

Portia realising the the power balance has changed and that it now sits with you isn’t about holding the baby to ransom. It’s about identifying that previously controlling or manipulative actions by the PILs are no longer going to be effective.

In this case the FIL’s parting shot was “don’t ask for anything ever again”. That would indicate that he thinks he has the power through his money. And perhaps that has been the case in the past along with a healthy dose of FOG.

A baby changes the dynamics of your relationship with your parents hugely even in the best of circumstances.

You put your baby’s needs before your parents, even if that upsets them.

It’s not about denying them access to the baby. It’s about who makes decisions and how they get made.

GenghisCalm · 03/05/2018 22:27

Wow, how awful for you.

I'm glad you are replacing the glass as anything drunk out of them now will be like poison after losing their son and family.

CaledonianQueen · 03/05/2018 22:28

Unfortunately, my in-laws are not alone in their horrendous behaviour! Susan Forward explains it amazingly I only wish I had known about Mumsnet and her books back when I was at your stage OP. It is horrific feeling like you are solely responsible for splitting a family!

If your DH is anything like mine, then he has likely had FIL on his case, making him feel inferior and unable to provide adequately for you and your DS. He really should have sent him packing with the 'egg' pram, that was incredibly arrogant and condescending!

Well done to your DH for standing up to him! There are so many men who just wouldn't, my BIL is one, his DP couldn't cope anymore with the toxic behaviour of inlaws and gave BIL an ultimatum, choose them or her. He chose the in-laws and has been alone since. No woman will ever be welcomed into that family unless she is a billionaire or of royal blood.

Watch out for them scapegoating you OP, this will all be your doing! Despite your DH being the one who chose to react the way he did!

GenghisCalm · 03/05/2018 22:30

Wow, how awful for you.

I'm glad you are replacing the glass as now anything drunk from any of them will be tainted as they have lost their son and family over a glass.

Bubblesblue · 03/05/2018 22:30

I wonder what mil has written. I was feeling like she has split loyalties.

Aprilmightbemynewname · 03/05/2018 22:32

Message her back on fb so all the relatives and friends can see.
Offer up a payment plan for the cost of the glass.

WitchDancer · 03/05/2018 22:32

Fair play to your DH. I wouldn't be beholden to someone who could do this to you. I just hope it doesn't get really nasty

WitchDancer · 03/05/2018 22:33

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

givemesteel · 03/05/2018 22:33

I'm glad you are replacing the glass as anything drunk out of them now will be like poison after losing their son and family.

I agree, that's the irony of this, that if I was the FIL/MIL I'd never want to see those glasses again as it would remind me of risking a loving relationship with my son, dil and gs over them.

acatcalledjohn · 03/05/2018 22:33

How awful. I would refuse to drink out of a glass that expensive at risk of breaking it. It's a risk you take if you use your expensive glassware etc with guests. Even Hyacinth Bucket only ever gave Elizabeth tea in the cheaper stuff.

I'd ask MIL to cease and desist with the messages and tell them that because neither MIL & FIL have been mature enough to discuss anything with you face to face, including asking for a replacement glass, you have no intention of discussing the matter any further.

acatcalledjohn · 03/05/2018 22:33

How awful. I would refuse to drink out of a glass that expensive at risk of breaking it. It's a risk you take if you use your expensive glassware etc with guests. Even Hyacinth Bucket only ever gave Elizabeth tea in the cheaper stuff.

I'd ask MIL to cease and desist with the messages and tell them that because neither MIL & FIL have been mature enough to discuss anything with you face to face, including asking for a replacement glass, you have no intention of discussing the matter any further.