PIL has sent be a bill for a broken wine glass

[pugreverywhere]

Yes, had to namechange.

Went to PIL' home last weekend, had a glass of wine and I accidentally dropped it. No big deal, they shrugged it off. I get on well with both FIL and MIL, have been with DH for 4 years now and we are having our first child in 4 months.

They're well off.. as in, VERY well off.. DP and I on the other hand live in a rented 3 bed semi-dettached property so definitely not as well off.

I didn't know at the time, but said wine glass apparently happens to be pretty high end. FIL has this morning sent me an e-mail saying that I can just transfer the £156 to him or buy the glass online. He even attached a link and included their address, should I not know it by now(!).

At first I thought it was a joke only to realise that these people have no sense of humor, so they obviously must be expect me to pay them ASAP. Haven't told DH yet. Really shocked at this as they are not known for being stingy.

AIBU not to pay this? I am tempted to buy a £20 glass off Amazon!

Ffs he’s not got ‘dementure’ and I think you actually mean altzimers he’s just a nasty bastard.

Actually, dementia is an umbrella term for various cognitive disorders. Alzheimer's is a disease that falls under the above mentioned umbrella term.

If his behaviour is uncharacteristic then dementia is not unthinkable. Yes, he is likely to be a nasty bastard but FFS, keep your hair on.

Can I borrow your DH, Mrs Pug?

I meant to say cognitive symptoms. Shouldn't really post when tired

Clearly you are within easy driving distance of them if your DH was able to drive the gift items over and return fairly speedily. Yet his mother's response to this is Facebook messages??? Seriously?

In what world do you massively fall out with your only child and make n

Get one from IKEA 😂

OP - no idea if you've read the messages yet, the volume suggests that at least MIL has realised they've really fucked up.

Clearly you are within easy driving distance of them if your DH was able to drive the gift items over and return fairly speedily. Yet his mother's response to this is Facebook messages??? Seriously?

In what world do you massively fall out with your only child and make no effort to resolve it face to face.

also - MUMSNET - are you aware that when threads get close to full they don't load properly and double post hence filling quicker?

Read the messages and tell us what they say she'll see you've read them and sit there stewing worrying about what you're thinking.

I would be tempted to provide the glass, and assuming that they don't yet know if baby is a boy/girl and you do (and want to know) put a picture of the scan and a handwritten note saying "Here's your glass. By the way, we're having a boy/girl."
I would also read the mils messages. She'll either be desperately trying to fix her family, or siding with the fil. Either way I think you need to find out.

Also, £156 for a glass?! I think all the glassware I own adds up to less than that!

I’d buy a replacement glass too so I don’t ‘owe’ them anything.
Your (wonderful) husband did not ask his parents for anything, they turned up with stuff without you being asked. And who on earth charge their child to use their spare car?
I’m very sorry for both of you being treated this way.

Talk about trying to show you who’s boss! And emasculate your DH in the process.

Bringing back all that stuff was absolutely the right thing to do. They’d want an opinion on everything to do with the baby if not!

However, I wouldn’t waste £156 on the glass. Who hosts, and then charges for breakages. No one. Spend time the money on something you need. He will never tell anyone. He has too much face to lose but if you pay up, he can make it a joke at your expense (literally!).

Your poor poor DH. Hope he’s ok - what an awful thing to happen to him.

I'm off to check now.
If this is in the DM then email FIL the link.
If not then please send him the link to this thread.
And start a new thread soon.
Well done DH.
Not many you read about on here wound be so fabulous.

OP, i think you're starting to see PIL true colours......predictably they've started coming out now that there is a baby on the way.
They sound controlling, narcissistic, manipulative and up their own arses.
Seems they think having money means they can 'own' people.

If FIL feels like we are taking advantage of him, why does he insist in getting so involved?
So you feel beholden to them and are therefore easier to control and manipulate.

We had gone out and bought a decent travel set for our baby only to have PIL drop by with this fancy Egg pram (that we couldn't afford) because 'only the best is good enough for baby' - quote: FIL
This won't be the first/only time they use their wealth to over-ride your decisions and undermine you as parents.
I think you and dh will need to introduce strong boundaries and make it crystal clear who the parents are and who has final say where your dc is concerned.
Also, be prepared for them to use 'inheritance' as a means of manipulation and control.

MIL sent a text saying dont you dare come drop that stuff off, we spent a fortune on that..
So why all the drama over a wine glass?
I'm betting the 'chemistry' you thought you had with mil was just her lovebombing you.....manipulating you.

FIL has been treating him like crap for a while so I don't want him crawling back once DC is born!
Strip away the 'quiet/upstanding citizen' facade and they're not very nice people underneath are they really?

I'd be very careful about the relationship you allow them to have with your dc, i certainly wouldn't rely/use them for childcare or unsupervised contact.
I definitely wouldn't allow them to have any financial input into your dc upbringing/schooling either.
It wouldn't surprise me if, having rejected your boundaries/fallen out with you, they used their relationship/contact with your child and their wealth to get legal access/contact to your dc later on down the line.

You can get around the issue of MIL knowing you've read the messages by using airplane mode. Switch airplane mode on on your phone, then read the messages, then quit the messenger app (as opposed to just exiting to the homescreen; you have to close the app down properly from the multitasker), then turn airplane mode off again. She won't get the 'read' notification.

Hat off to MrPug, and here's wishing you all every future happiness.

As for FIL, he's not actually that good at dominance games. A real bastard (like me) would have waved away the breakage at the time, and then let you find out the cost later. Then of course I would have refused payment, thereby establishing both my wealth and my indifference to it, as well as letting you feel the obligation all by yourself. However, I wouldn't play that sort of game with family, because of love and loyalty.

@PlanesOverMe Why should I read through hundreds of comments to respond to the OP?
The OP clearly said in the title she was drinking a glass of WINE, it's not like I've misinterpreted anything.

there's also an option to change messages back to 'unread' status on fb

No, she said she was drinking from a wine glass. Your comprehension skills need some work.

personally, i'd read them and let her see they've been read - and ignored!
you don't owe her a reply nor are you obligated to dance to her tune

@OrchidInTheSun
"Went to PIL' home last weekend, had a glass of wine and I accidentally dropped it."
Whose comprehension skills require work?

Oh you mean in the OP, not the title.