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AIBU?

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Original poster

PIL has sent be a bill for a broken wine glass

999 replies

pugreverywhere · 03/05/2018 14:55

Yes, had to namechange.

Went to PIL' home last weekend, had a glass of wine and I accidentally dropped it. No big deal, they shrugged it off. I get on well with both FIL and MIL, have been with DH for 4 years now and we are having our first child in 4 months.

They're well off.. as in, VERY well off.. DP and I on the other hand live in a rented 3 bed semi-dettached property so definitely not as well off.

I didn't know at the time, but said wine glass apparently happens to be pretty high end. FIL has this morning sent me an e-mail saying that I can just transfer the £156 to him or buy the glass online. He even attached a link and included their address, should I not know it by now(!).

At first I thought it was a joke only to realise that these people have no sense of humor, so they obviously must be expect me to pay them ASAP. Haven't told DH yet. Really shocked at this as they are not known for being stingy.

AIBU not to pay this? I am tempted to buy a £20 glass off Amazon!

OP posts:
lonelyplanetmum · 03/05/2018 22:57

This thread is one of the most astonishing things I've read.

  1. It was an accident.
  2. They are wealthy.
  3. You are their closest family.
  4. You are carrying his grandchild.
  5. If they're rich enough to spend £156 on a glass they're rich enough to replace it.
  6. If outward appearances matter so much FIL should know it's naff ,in the extreme, to ask guests for payment for breakages. If guests offer, you decline.
  7. If PIL are rich why on earth is their only son charged for borrowing a car?

Something else is going on in FILs head. Maybe dementia? Perhaps some spectrum issue where he can't read emotions? Maybe disapproval and trying to teach son the value of money?

Or FIL is hurting, as he feels his only son perhaps always wants something , or uses rather than loves him or something?

In families you bend over backwards to share and support one other. You do NOT charge for glasses and car borrowing unless weekly budgeting necessitates it.

lonelyplanetmum · 03/05/2018 22:57

This thread is one of the most astonishing things I've read.

  1. It was an accident.
  2. They are wealthy.
  3. You are their closest family.
  4. You are carrying his grandchild.
  5. If they're rich enough to spend £156 on a glass they're rich enough to replace it.
  6. If outward appearances matter so much FIL should know it's naff ,in the extreme, to ask guests for payment for breakages. If guests offer, you decline.
  7. If PIL are rich why on earth is their only son charged for borrowing a car?

Something else is going on in FILs head. Maybe dementia? Perhaps some spectrum issue where he can't read emotions? Maybe disapproval and trying to teach son the value of money?

Or FIL is hurting, as he feels his only son perhaps always wants something , or uses rather than loves him or something?

In families you bend over backwards to share and support one other. You do NOT charge for glasses and car borrowing unless weekly budgeting necessitates it.

lonelyplanetmum · 03/05/2018 23:00

Sorry my 'phone double posted. It was as shocked as me.

Bisquitine · 03/05/2018 23:00

Astonishing behaviour from FIL, I agree MIL is probably stuck in the middle.

TuTru · 03/05/2018 23:00

Offer £3 per week, give your husband the letter xx

Bisquitine · 03/05/2018 23:00

Astonishing behaviour from FIL, I agree MIL is probably stuck in the middle.

Rubyslippers7780 · 03/05/2018 23:01

Terrible situation. Hope you sleep and don't stress. Don't let it get to you.

Bisquitine · 03/05/2018 23:02

Oops, double post

KateMcCallisterHAmom · 03/05/2018 23:03
Shock
SunwhereareyouShowyourself · 03/05/2018 23:07

Blue lady at whose expense? With men like fil peace and harmony comes at the cost of someone else's dignity and freedom.

IvorHughJarrs · 03/05/2018 23:08

This is appalling from your ILs. If they can't afford to replace the glass, they shouldn't use them as a matter of course, let alone give them to unsuspecting guests

I'd be inclined to send the glass with a message saying I hope this glass is worth the love and trust you have destroyed for it

NeedMoreSleepOrSugar · 03/05/2018 23:09

Guaranteed fodder for lazy journos this weekend - maybe you could wrap the replacement glass in a copy of whichever rag picks the story up?

Bluelady · 03/05/2018 23:09

I'm explaining my interpretation of MiL's behaviour, not defending it. And I disagree with you.

Catmint · 03/05/2018 23:16

Well done Pug & MrPug.

I am so sorry it has come to this. I was much struck by FIL coming round with the pram & stuff when you'd already bought things. To me this indicates behaviour that places no value on your choices, your way of doing things or indeed your hard earned cash which I'm sure you used to carefully choose things for your baby. They didn't bother to ask what might actually help you.

It will be very hard, but I'm another person who thinks you should limit their future contact with your baby; not as a punishment, but to protect your child from such weird values.

Also, not opening the gate?? Wtaf?!

Catmint · 03/05/2018 23:16

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BackforGood · 03/05/2018 23:20

I agree with LonelyPlanet. There's something very odd about a wealthy man charging his only son to borrow a spare car for a few weeks. This relationship clearly wasn't healthy long before the glass.

I agree with Ripple though. This will have shocked them to the core if it is the first time dh has really called them (him?) on his behaviour. I hope you have turned off all devices and gone to sleep, OP, and take some deep breaths to see if there is a pathway for PiL to have a think about what they want to do from now on. Just from reading your posts, FiL sounds like a man who has been used to calling the shots and getting things all his own way, but MiL sounds like she has previously had a really good relationship with you. It would be a shame if this ends the relationship permanently.

buckeejit · 03/05/2018 23:20

Get some sleep OP & talk it over with a neutral friend in the morning

They have been ridiculous but maybe they have poor social skills or aren't used to dealing with loved ones!

I hope you can resolve it-they obv can't understand the differences in income for some people. Good luck & your DH was ace.

Hissy · 03/05/2018 23:20

Set up a Just Giving page to raise the funds to replace his fucking glass

buckeejit · 03/05/2018 23:21

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SilverySurfer · 03/05/2018 23:23

Sleep well Pug and Mr Pug - hope you have happy dreams.

TemptressofWaikiki · 03/05/2018 23:25

My grandfather tried to pull a similar stunt with my DF, it really is toxic and controlling. My DF chose my DM and us and walked away, being mostly NC. This meant that DF and DM had a long and very happy marriage. All of us grew up with a sense of dignity and self-respect, we could not be bought. That is priceless.

As much as this might be a shock and painful for your wonderful DH right now, it’s not a bad thing, on the contrary, it’s like ripping off the plaster in one quick moment and looking forward to a life where he has self-worth and has nothing to prove to a lesser person than himself. Today FIL has shown his true colours, a petty, small, pathetic wanna-be despot. Thank your blessings, you found out so swiftly without years of him trying to dominate your DH and hold you all to ransom. While £156 for a wine glass is ridiculous steep, it’s cheap when you weigh up that your DH took back the power and there is no price on self-esteem! Now FIL played his card and you cannot be held to ransom or manipulated. You and especially DP took back the power. This is about so much more than a fecking wine glass. And you don’t need the expensive baby stuff he foisted on you. Other posters suggested great literature on toxic parents and in-laws etc. I would order that for you and your husband. In time, you will see this as a lucky escape and a massive milestone. You don’t have to do anything and you certainly don’t have to read MIL’s frantic messages. Whether or not she is as bad as him doesn’t actually matter, she should not have asked for money either. If she was that concerned to sort the situation, she should have offered to pay for it. Don’t let her be the ‘flying monkey’. I’d stop contact at least for a while and most certainly for the remainder of your pregnancy, you don’t need batshit crazy in your life right now. Now you hold the power, don’t relinquish it. You call the shots in your life and that of your DC. It’s better not to have grand parents than those controlling fruit loops.

Ohmydayslove · 03/05/2018 23:27

Can we please stop this mumsnet ageist bollocks that anyone old enough to be inlawd have dementure!!! Angry

I am a mil and s nsn and 50!! I mix with first time mums aged 44! So not that much younger than me and dh.

Ffs he’s not got ‘dementure’ and I think you actually mean altzimers he’s just a nasty bastard.

scotchpie · 03/05/2018 23:31

I am flabbergasted to how sad this story is. How devastating the way FIL has not only treated you but his only child too!

I think this relationship is damaged too much and FIL thinks because he is the 'big shot' old twat with his business & pots of money you will both just brush this under the carpet.

He doesn't deserve to be called Dad or even Grandad! And please don't name your baby after him if you have a son.

What a bastard, like you need this shit at 5 months pregnant.

Your DH is a keeper

scotchpie · 03/05/2018 23:31

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scotchpie · 03/05/2018 23:31

I am flabbergasted to how sad this story is. How devastating the way FIL has not only treated you but his only child too!

I think this relationship is damaged too much and FIL thinks because he is the 'big shot' old twat with his business & pots of money you will both just brush this under the carpet.

He doesn't deserve to be called Dad or even Grandad! And please don't name your baby after him if you have a son.

What a bastard, like you need this shit at 5 months pregnant.

Your DH is a keeper