PIL has sent be a bill for a broken wine glass

[pugreverywhere]

Yes, had to namechange.

Went to PIL' home last weekend, had a glass of wine and I accidentally dropped it. No big deal, they shrugged it off. I get on well with both FIL and MIL, have been with DH for 4 years now and we are having our first child in 4 months.

They're well off.. as in, VERY well off.. DP and I on the other hand live in a rented 3 bed semi-dettached property so definitely not as well off.

I didn't know at the time, but said wine glass apparently happens to be pretty high end. FIL has this morning sent me an e-mail saying that I can just transfer the £156 to him or buy the glass online. He even attached a link and included their address, should I not know it by now(!).

At first I thought it was a joke only to realise that these people have no sense of humor, so they obviously must be expect me to pay them ASAP. Haven't told DH yet. Really shocked at this as they are not known for being stingy.

AIBU not to pay this? I am tempted to buy a £20 glass off Amazon!

[PotTheRed]

[Timefortea99]

When you send the stupidly expensive glass add a card saying enjoy your things because you won’t be enjoying your grandchild.

What idiots. MIL realised what this means for her as grandma hence all the calls etc

Nothing more than abject apologies from the both of them would allow me to have any contact with them.

[0range99]

So sorry that you’ve found out what knobs your in laws are but you’ve found out that your DH is a decent man who does the right thing.

Btw and apologies if someone has already said it but if you put your phone on flight mode you might be able to check the messages without them showing as read.

[Anewhope]

Your DH reacted the exact same way mine would have. I'd be returning the car and either hiring one or leasing one using the money I was paying as a 'fee' instead. I would also never ask them for anything again, they would only Lord it over you or make you feel apprehensive about unexpected financial costs. It's a shame this has damaged the relationship but it will be worse for them than for you once the baby comes. I think there's a phrase isn't there? Cutting your nose off to spite your face.

[PlanesOverMe]

Evangeline - you should read the full thread because she said it was a flipping Mocktail!

Before you judge someone at least make the effort to know the full facts. It makes you look really stupid otherwise.

[DevilsDoorbell]

Arghh. Now it’s spelt your name wrong. Bloody autocorrect! *Insomniac

[DevilsDoorbell]

Insomnia, it was supposed to say shitty. Guess my phone doesn’t like swearing!

[maymai]

11 fbook messages! Perhaps they realise the error of their ways.

I'm sure you're both said, but what DH did is hugely liberating and they won't like it but they'll treat him with respect after this.

They're going to be in the maily dale for all to see no doubt!

Please come back and update us!

[FoodGloriousFud]

Hope you're both feeling better this morning OP, you've definitely got yourself a good one in Mr Pug.

[M0RVEN]

They are unpleasant and controlling people.

You had a travel set for your baby but they bought another one which they think is better. That’s not about “ the best for your baby “. Baby won’t give a flying fuck I promise you. It’s about them deciding what travel set you will use.

You describe FIL as hard to impress / please and that your DH would do anything for him. That’s not a compliment you know. Most fathers are proud of their sons because they love them. If they manage to be proper functioning adults with a job / somewhere to stay / a happy marriage etc , most dads are even more proud.

And now with a Gc on the way, most would be delighted. They would be so pleased for their son. But not your FIL. That’s says everything about FIL and nothing about your DH.

You are better off without them in your baby’s life. Because nothing that child does will be good enough, same as for their poor father.

This isn’t about the wine glass. It’s about their need to control you and your husband. This is the first time you have stepped out of line, so it’s a HUGE deal. They have to make this a “ line in the sand” issue, because if you don’t obey now you might disobey them in future.

It’s only a wine glass to you but it’s life and death to them. The only emotions controlling people have are happy when you obey them and angry when you don’t. You are about to see VERY ANGRY .

Come over to the stately homes threads on the relationships board and have a good read. Sadly there’s a lot more like then out there.

[bonnyshide]

@Evangeline3 if you're going to judge, at least RTFT. She wasn't drinking alcohol.

[NotTakenUsername]

You have made it in Australia op...

[scatteredglitter]

Just rtft and and quite aghast.
How horrible for you just as you re having your first child too, when you don't need additional stress.
FIL has likely gone too far now. But don't be surprised if your dh relents - years of living under that kind of personality will make him used to bending to his Dad s will and wanting his approval. Hopefully it won't happen tho.

I hope FIL apologies and gets a proper land. It s good that they get to see that you guys are your own adults with a family of your own and cannot be 'bought' by goods cars etc.

[NotTakenUsername]

It’s coming perilously close to 1000 posts and I can’t risk it!!

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/3239840-To-start-a-thread-to-bridge-the-gap?watched=1

[PollySuki]

I meant on not in.

[PollySuki]

Tbh, the writing was in the wall when PIL started charging rent for the car. They are a pair of tight arses who knows the cost of everything and the value of nothing. I would have sold the egg pram and bought as many £156 glasses as I could and sent them to them.

[tenredthings]

Maybe FL is actually broke and under huge financial stress but daren't admit it to DW who's gaily pending cash they don't have on expensive baby gifts and he's cracking up with the strain of maintaining the facade.

[mummabubs]

You beat me to it @acatcalledjohn! (Re your fab explanation of dementia and Alzheimer's).

[mummabubs]

You beat me to it @acatcalledjohn! (Re your fab explanation of dementia and Alzheimer's).

[StuntNun]

You were put in an impossible situation OP and I think you and your DH have handled it well. If you had replaced the glass initially then it would have set a precedent for all kinds of greedy behaviour in the future. How could you take your child there if you might end up with a huge bill?

[Mummyoflittledragon]

If “only the best” were good enough for your baby, your fil would be ensuring you had a car to drive the baby around in. He’d also understand that buying property is far more difficult than at certain points in the past and lend/ give you a deposit on a little house even if it were only enough to get a house smaller than the one you rent.

Egg prams and £156 wine glasses are money wasters and overtly flashy. A basic car to get from a-b and a safe roof over your head is far more practical. That he hasn’t offered to help with either of these things proves that your fil has no concept of the real world and enjoys lording his superior wealth, status and masculinity over you both.

Of course parents owe their children nothing. However, it’s a sorry state of affairs when parents have so much and expect their children to suffer and at the same time simultaneously worship them to one day ensure they receive the holy grail of inheritance.

I have a narcissistic mother. You are going to have to play replacing the glass and returning the car very carefully. Your fil will absolutely see this as acquiescence. I would put the car keys and the glass in the post along with any money for car hire (are you going to pay this?) and include a handwritten note saying that as far as your dh is concerned, all debts are now paid.