To ask why everyone hates requests for money?

[MyOtherUsernameisaPun]

I'm genuinely baffled why so many on here are so opposed to people - especially couples getting married - asking for money in lieu of gifts?

I understand that there have been some shocking examples of behaviour (cancel the cheque) but why is a polite request that, if you want to give something, money rather than gifts is appreciated SO frowned upon?

In this day and age it's very rare for a couple not to live together before marriage, so it's unlikely that they need the traditional help in setting up a home together. And since not everyone has the same tastes, it's not always to judge what will really be a meaningful and appreciated wedding gift.

I would much rather give a couple money and know they will be able to use it on something they will really love and appreciate than spend the same money on a gift they aren't guaranteed to like (or on some tedious gift list purchase like pillowcases...)

Isn't it time we all moved on a bit and accepted that a gift isn't a requirement for attending a wedding but that if you want to give one and the bride and groom would find cash most helpful and welcome, we should just accept that?

I disagree you're too focused on the gift itself.

You're wrong then. Wanting to give the couple something they will like and that won't take up space unnecessarily is important enough that you should care about it: if you don't care about that, you need to question why you're going to their wedding.

A good point again about space laurie. There's continual failure to engage with this, but the unpalatable reality is that people have less and less of it, on average, the younger they are, and it's expensive. This may well be a factor in the change in habits re desired wedding presents that we're seeing, given that couples marrying now have a median age that puts them into generationally housing fuckedness. Someone mentioned upthread that the idea of having a best china set, silverware etc you only use on special occasions is wasteful and often impossible to people who have increasingly small homes.

As a guest I find it inconvenient to have to shop around for a present and far prefer some guidance. I don’t see it as grabby or demanding I bring a gift. I see it as pointless to make life difficult for everyone so we can dance round a reality that everyone knows in the spirit of being “gracious”.

This is another brilliantly worded post.

It’s so grabby. It’s like saying I’ve paid for this expensive day that I want and now you all have to fund it.
If anyone asks for money from me they get £20. If it’s in a poem they get a bottle of fizz or equivalent but never money. I hate those fucking poems.

Are you that controlling in all aspects of your life? Or just when it comes to sticking it to the people who are close enough to you to invite you to their weddings?

When a family member got married several years ago, they had a gift registry set up at a well known store. DH and I struggled to afford anything on the list, but, as they were close family, we used some money set aside for another purpose and bought an item from the list. Several weeks after they returned from honeymoon, we visited and asked to see the gift we'd bought (it was a decorative, rather than functional item, so I'd expected to see it on display. I was told that after the wedding the store had given them the option to have the gifts people had paid for, or vouchers for the value. They took the vouchers and used it towards the honeymoon! I would rather have been asked for money at the outset, when I would have given what we could afford, rather than feeling obliged to pay more than we'd budgeted in order to buy something we thought they really wanted.

That's terrible but how did they use store vouchers towards their honeymoon?

I've seen that before, guests believe they are purchasing a gift from the list but the couple can simply ask for the monetary amount to be used towards a honeymoon instead unbeknown to the guests. I think John Lewis do it.

It's why I buy an actual gift and from a different store.

Several weeks after they returned from honeymoon, we visited and asked to see the gift we'd bought (it was a decorative, rather than functional item, so I'd expected to see it on display.

While this was a bit disingenuous of them, I think this was a really rude thing for you to ask - and exactly why people are saying that being given 'stuff' can feel like a real obligation, you're not even allowed to get rid of it!

It's why I buy an actual gift and from a different store.

I honestly don't know why you're going to the weddings of people that you seem to be so absolutely determined to NOT get what they want.

Margaret they purchased the item from the registry list chosen by wedding couple. You think it's rude to ask to see it but you don't think it's rude to scam people. And it was a scam plain and simple. Revolting. Why would you do that to your friends?

@BoxsetsAndPopcorn - got it in one.
@MargaretCavendish - sorry you think it rude of me to ask to see the present we'd purchased at their request and had not been able to see, other than a picture on the internet. Personally, I think it far more rude to ask people to buy you a specific gift and then to take their money and use it in a different way without telling them. I consider that a scam. And it's worse when you do it to your parents and siblings who would have happily given you the money anyway, had you been honest about why you wanted it.

Wow. I think swapping gifts from the list they stipulated for vouchers after the event is breathtakingly rude!!