To ask why everyone hates requests for money?

[MyOtherUsernameisaPun]

I'm genuinely baffled why so many on here are so opposed to people - especially couples getting married - asking for money in lieu of gifts?

I understand that there have been some shocking examples of behaviour (cancel the cheque) but why is a polite request that, if you want to give something, money rather than gifts is appreciated SO frowned upon?

In this day and age it's very rare for a couple not to live together before marriage, so it's unlikely that they need the traditional help in setting up a home together. And since not everyone has the same tastes, it's not always to judge what will really be a meaningful and appreciated wedding gift.

I would much rather give a couple money and know they will be able to use it on something they will really love and appreciate than spend the same money on a gift they aren't guaranteed to like (or on some tedious gift list purchase like pillowcases...)

Isn't it time we all moved on a bit and accepted that a gift isn't a requirement for attending a wedding but that if you want to give one and the bride and groom would find cash most helpful and welcome, we should just accept that?

It wasn't personal and I'm not getting the smelling salts out either whatever...

The judgement implicated was that it occurred to me that one could be judged on the store not that you were personally judging me. I know not take MN personally

mrsdilber the idea of being given something unusual makes my blood run cold. I'm imagining some twee ornament or 'funky' kitchen item that I will immediately re-gift/give the charity.

mouse immature people resent being told what to do. You really can't just suck it up and give people what they want?

My wedding was not lavish or ostentatious. I had the bare minimum. I don't want people's idea of what I 'should' have cluttering up my home and I got married in my 30s so I already had everything I needed. If people wanted to give money, then that was very welcome. I had some friends who gave nothing, and that was fine too. It really made no difference to me.

Some of you have really low opinions of people who are meant to be your friends/loved ones. Or do you go to the weddings of people you barely know/have a lot of seething resentment for?

Oh but you are. Not that you're the only one, mind.

For me it's affordability.
Some months money can be tight. So I wouldn't physically have the cash spare so I'd use a credit card to buy the gift and pay it off next month. I'd not want to withdraw the cash off a cc and id not have the cash spare in my account.

I'd just rather not have that kind of pressure put on me, especially after having to factor in costs for attending the wedding also. When my cousin got married they requested B&Q vouchers to decorate their home which was a bit of a relief compared to cash.

How is asking for vouchers any different to cash?

The recipient will see how much you spent on the voucher!

Try reading the thread again then.

If I buy a gift or give money of my own volition as a guest that is one thing. I do buy gifts, give vouchers/cash as a guest etc.

But no one should expect or feel entitled to gifts or cash from me as a guest. That's the problem and the division here that some of you want your guests to subsidise your choices.

Out of interest to all those hyperventilating over the thought of giving money - if you were going to a wedding where it was the cultural norm what would you do?? In some cultures giving a boxed gift instead of cash maybe considered tight or rude. (I’ve no idea if there is such a culture tbh )

Whereas others posting on the thread want the couple getting married to subsidise their choice to give a physical gift. Because physical gifts require space to store them, and that's a resource people have to pay for.

But no one should expect or feel entitled to gifts or cash from me as a guest

But I don't think anyone does feel entitled.

As has been pointed out time and time again, invitations invariably say 'you don't need to bring a gift, but if you'd like to xxx'.

brass literally no one has said they expect a gift and multiple people have said they make that very clear and have had it made very clear to them.

Lol ok it never happened. People haven't become grabby and materialistic about hen dos, destination weddings, gift lists and demands for honeymoon cash or whatever. None of those threads ever existed on MN. And suggestions in the invite aren't vulgar demands at all they are really very sweet and considerate and only thinking of the guest's best interests.

You seem to think you're some independent arbitrator on what is and isn't 'vulgar'. It's a subjective concept, and so subject to variation over time and across cultures. You're entitled to think it's vulgar, I'm entitled to think you're being irrational and outdated.

The solution could be saying no presents, donations to charity. I remember 5 relatives of our under 30 guests at the wedding clubbed together to buy a £25 carriage clock which didn't work and so what. their gift was really that they came to the wedding to celebrate.

OP you are coming across as incredibly naive.

We tend to give money as a wedding present anyway, so makes no difference to us. We don't judge people who ask for cash in lieu of crap they don't need.

I do think asking for money is so the B&G can recoup some of their costs, usually for a ridiculously expensive wedding and honeymoon. If they didn't ask and people felt they wanted to give money, then thats fine but actually asking for it is crass. And I wouldn't think very highly of anyone who invited me to their wedding and then demanded cash as a gift.

Money is so impersonal. I had some very thoughtful gifts given which have huge sentimental value to me that money simply would not have. I have 2 glasses given to me by a special friend, no longer with us, which we use on special occasions and they still give me a warm glow when I take them from the cupboard for this very reason. Likewise I have a small trinket box, handmade by a guest, not worth anything except its sentimental value to me is priceless. If I had been given money, I wouldn't have these little things in my life which now mean so much. Much more than a memory of Aunt jessie contributed to those 4 cocktails we got rat arsed on.

Lol ok it never happened. People haven't become grabby and materialistic about hen dos, destination weddings

This thread isn't about any of those things

None of those threads ever existed on MN

As I've said before, if you find a thread where the OP is bitching about a sum of money given and people are agreeing with her, please share that.

And suggestions in the invite aren't vulgar demands at all they are really very sweet and considerate and only thinking of the guest's best interests.

To be honest, I think it is considerate to try to avoid people spending money on things that are neither wanted nor needed.

I agree with everyone who has said that the requesting of cash from a wedding guest is rude, cringeworthy, crass and entitled.

It ISNT just a MN thing.

Giving cash as a wedding present is fine, asking for it is awful.
I hoik my judgeypants high at this.

It's always interesting the way that people who attach a lot of sentimental value to things, and who enjoy giving and receiving them, often have trouble understanding that other people feel differently. One person's treasured gift is another's tat. Neither are wrong.

@MargaretCavendish Rudeness is not always a matter of opinion. Eating with your mouth full for example is considered rude in the UK, as is spitting in the street. It's not always a subjective matter. Someone could do it and splutter "But I don't mind!" It makes no difference.

Asking for gifts of any kind is rude, asking for money is ten times worse, including bank details in an invitation is appalling.

Just because more and more certain people do it nowadays, many have become desensitised. That's fine, many people don't care about manners or the request and will be happy to go along with it. It is however very rude indeed.

Many people on this thread are showing themselves up and tying themselves in knots trying to reason why it's OK to ask for money, it doesn't surprise me as these kind of invitations are increasingly common now. DH and I received an evening invitation 4 hours away asking for cash for a honeymoon, we declined. We don't even know the couple well.

a previous poster summed it up pretty well below

1. It's rude to ask for any gift and even ruder to specify what the gift should be.

1. Weddings now are ridiculous and usually cost £££ to attend. Expecting cash on top of that is a bit rich.

1. People without much money can be creative and inventive with a gift and feel like they haven't shown themselves up. Very hard to do when giving cash.

1. If you have everything you need then ASK FOR NO GIFTS. Why the hell do you think you're entitled to cash from your guests?

If you wouldn't charge an entry fee to your wedding, don't ask for cash.

If I had been given money, I wouldn't have these little things in my life which now mean so much. Much more than a memory of Aunt jessie contributed to those 4 cocktails we got rat arsed on.

The point this seems to miss is that lots of people these days value experiences over things.

So memories or pictures of the cocktail evening in the nice bar (thanks to aunt Jessie) can mean a lot more to people than glasses, trinket boxes, etc.

OK I'm going to get flamed but I'm going to say it anyway- asking for money in invitations is what common people do. Think about it- I bet if you cast your mind over who asked for cash they were rough, getting progressively more basic in direct correlation to how crap the poem is.

myother I don’t place sentimental value on things. So is it ok if I have money, which would be more convenient for me?

Many people on this thread are showing themselves up and tying themselves in knots trying to reason why it's OK to ask for money, it doesn't surprise me as these kind of invitations are increasingly common now.

And I think the people tying themselves up in illogical knots are the ones who think that registries are better than asking for cash. We'll have to agree to differ.