Overheard my cousin say “We asked <my name> she daren't say no :(

[cocktailsausages]

As above. My cousin asked me to help her move, no petrol money offered, not even a bed for the night as she wants to spend first night in new home with her partner alone. I said yes and here I am, worked all morning, soaking wet, was waiting for her in the car outside to follow her to new place, she didn’t come out so I went back in her hall and heard on say on the phone to someone that she’d asked me to move her because I daren’t say no to her.

I always help out when I can, I’ve taken a day off and driven a long way. Now I feel used.

Glad you're not going to be a soft touch anymore, but crap and bits or not, I'd have dumped the lot on the drive and left. Sick of users and abusers - no manners and they need to learn

Not even a text saying thanks?

Charming.

What Isetan said.
I suggest you think about why you’re such a people pleaser (probably how your parents treated you growing up) and work on it.
Well done for keeping your cool today and doing the bare minimum before driving away.

It’s hard when it’s family, I would drive her stuff to new place, help minimally to move it in to home then say I over heard what you said, do not ask for another favour and just walk away

Good for you! cocktailsausages
Now she will know that you will dare to say no.
You should be very proud of yourself

You must have Mug stamped on your forehead!! Say no it's not difficult you know. Not your problem is a good saying to go by xx

Please just send her a message anyway saying sorry you couldn’t stick around as long as she had hoped for but that something come up that you daren't day no to as suggested! She needs to know that isn’t ok op!

It’s very unfortunate that everyone is telling you to unpack her stuff and go home, unfortunately that isn’t going to solve the issue. You are apparently a nice person, so why not just confront her so you can sort things amicably? She is family so pls try n talk things out okay?

Eugh what a CF. Hopefully she was joking? If so it’s still a nasty joke. I’d invoice her the value of my time off holding her stuff in my car as collateral!

Why don't people bother to read the updates?

@Amamaame

It’s very unfortunate that everyone is telling you to unpack her stuff and go home, unfortunately that isn’t going to solve the issue. You are apparently a nice person, so why not just confront her so you can sort things amicably? She is family so pls try n talk things out okay?

Done, dusted, over. RTFT.

Well done for standing your ground after your cousin showed what she really thinks of you. Addressing the people pleasing aspect of your personality might be a good thing to tackle. A suggestion is that next time someone asks you to do something for them, take a minute to think before responding. If that person is a genuine person, would help you out at a moments notice and is not the type to take advantage then offering help is a kind thing to do. Your cousin sounds like a user though, you say she has never helped you out so make this the last thing you do for her. I personally would text or email her telling her you used a days holiday and drove a long way and helped clean and pack up your car in the pouring rain. The least she can do is repay you petrol money.

@juells

A very classy response. Thank you!

You're very very welcome 😂

I hope this is an epiphany for you, OP.

She is family so pls try n talk things out okay? - yeah, cos 'famlee' never try to screw you out of stuff! They are always so appreciative of what you do for them, and you'd do anything for them. right?

Except, family is the same as everyone else. Being related is no guarantee of fair-treatment; in fact it is a case 'come closer so I can hurt you some more'.

And as for 'confront her so you can sort it out amicably' - she knows now what cousin thinks of her.

How can that be resolved amicably? 'Oh I didn't mean to take advantage of you, didn't really think you were a complete walk-over, of course I don't think you are a MUG'?? Even though she actually said that?

Hi Cocktailsausages
You sound like a really lovely person.
Just remember to say "No" more often.
I have been in your shoes with similar family dynamics and just ended up being nicknamed "Old Faithful"!!...WTF I was really pissed at that when I found out.
So lesson learned over very many years and over the past few years I have had far less stress from entitled family members and just kept to myself and my 3 best friends and we all do stuff for each other and always treat each other with respect!
I hope you are lucky enough to have people in your life who treat you well too.

Well done @cocktailsausages!

So she hasn't even contacted you to say thanks??

unpack your car...somewhat neatly...and if you have some paper leave a little note that says "You dared me :) "

If you give the answer of “something came up” You will be telling the truth as well
A lovely soak and a glass of wine or something equally lovely, came up I hope - and you really daren’t say no to some relaxation and a treat dare you

So she's not even sent a text to say thank you ??? That's bloody awful, cheeky fuckery of it all!

Please please stop making excuses and being so nice to someone who obviously is abusing your kindness..upack her stuff & LEAVE, if your brave enough before you go tell her why. Stand up to her..you'll feel so much better.

Do you think she suspects you’re pissed off? Or is she going to make out she’s the wounded party?

Seems you’ve got a family that aren’t great as last week it was your MIL, this week your cousin 🙈

MIL opened my birthday present135
29/04/2018 00:32 cocktailsausages

It's my birthday and I had a small get together with family. An aunt gave a present to MIL to give me as she couldn't make it. MIL opened both the present and the card before she came. I know because she told me. And anyway you could tell they had been opened and resealed.

WTF?