Overheard my cousin say “We asked <my name> she daren't say no :(

[cocktailsausages]

As above. My cousin asked me to help her move, no petrol money offered, not even a bed for the night as she wants to spend first night in new home with her partner alone. I said yes and here I am, worked all morning, soaking wet, was waiting for her in the car outside to follow her to new place, she didn’t come out so I went back in her hall and heard on say on the phone to someone that she’d asked me to move her because I daren’t say no to her.

I always help out when I can, I’ve taken a day off and driven a long way. Now I feel used.

Well done OP, keep strong now and stand up for yourself if/when she moans about you not staying to family. You did help, you gave up a holiday day, you got nothing in return.

If I knew you in person, I'd take you out for a large glass of wine and toast the fact you are no longer a people pleaser.

OP, do you think your cousin said that meaning you're a people pleaser and so you never say no (from when you were younger)? Would your DM have given you a hard time for example if you hadn't helped her? Well done for standing your ground! Please do ask for petroleum money!! 👍

Well done OP

Well done sausages, if cheeky madam asks about flex/kettle would you be brave enough to say, "oh dear me, I believe it's at my house, maybe you'd like to come and collect it - after all I know you daren't say no to me?" in a really sarky tone. Perhaps you could scratch/carve onto it, 'no more favours, bitch' and pass it to her with a pleasant smile, then slam the door.

There's a huge difference between "OP's name won't say no" meaning because she's always been willing to help and what the OP's cousin said which was that the OP wouldn't dare say no. I would want to know what the hell that is supposed to mean.

Tell her you heard what she said and you are thoroughly offended. Then go home and leave her to make up with you.

Cheeky, cheeky fucker. Got to love her moany partner too. What bellends.

Sorry missed update. Well done OP!

As you leisurely soak in your bath tub and enjoy a relaxed glass of wine, you can really savour the fact that far from a romantic first night in their new love nest, they will be most likely bickering and logging about stuff far into the evening

If she asks why you didn't come back, definitely say something came up that you "daren't say no to".

And I hope that flex is buried at the bottom of a box... or under your car seat.

Pointless doing stuff for people who don't appreciate it.

Not many would even ask someone who would need time off to help.

You are responsible for your role in your relationship dynamics. I can understand your frustration at your cousins behaviour but if you insist on laying down with Welcome stamped on your forehead, the chances are some people will mistake you for a doormat.

However painful her comments were, she was right and I’m guessing knowing that is causing you the most pain. People pleasing isn’t about the other person, it’s about pacifying your own insecurities and that gives an awful lot of power to other people. Being always available has had the opposite effect of what you crave, which is respect.

Let this painful experience be a catalyst in examining your contribution to your relationship dynamics because that’s the only behaviour you are in control of.

Bless you OP... I enjoy your evening .. and relish that you don't need to deal with her bollocks again

You're definetly a people pleaser. I have a friend who would never say no to anyone...but I would not take advantage of her.

It annoys me when others do it and I tell her to say no...I even form a polite get out clause....but unless she doesn't answer the phone I know she'll cave in.

I think you did brilliantly today though. Well done!

Don't waste your time responding to her if she messages you. Unless it's an apology.

Well done OP, make this the first step of standing up for yourself.

Well done, OP.

She probably thinks ‘you darent say no’ because you’re too meek to even unload the car and drive away. Help yourself a bit.

What she probably meant was that you "wouldn't" say no, but turning it to "daren't" obviously puts a different spin on it.

As for the gormless unappreciative partner op, they sound well matched!

She may send you a snotty message later OP! Be prepared for it!

I know how difficult it is to say no. I was rooting for you and was glad to see you stood up for yourself. There is nothing wrong with being a kind and helpful person.

Well done OP! Have you spoken to your cousin yet, any messages from them?

You learnt a valuable lesson today. (If you are get them a house warming present, make it a doormat )