Over reacting to husbands new female friend?

[Orangeblosssom3]

Me and DH have been going through a tricky patch. And while on the computer yesterday I saw on his (open) tab on social media a message from him to a woman saying ‘I’ve still got your scarf with a grinning emoji.

She replied sorry, thanks, do you want to meet for coffee to get it back, and also to discuss x a shared interest.

He replied we can meet to ‘talk about anything you fancy’ grinning emoji.

Oh damn! Feel sick. I checked the woman’s profile, she’s 20 years younger and has a boyfriend but otherwise is just his type. DH has not mentioned this at all. He only went on social media a few months ago and she was the first person he became friends with.

What to do now? Embarrassed about admitting that I peeked on his page. I think I was a little worried. Years ago he got very friendly with a woman at work, got a crush on her I think, it never got physical but they discussed our relationship and used to also meet for coffees. We went to counseling where he realised that was insensitive.

No don’t have the same surname. Very few pics too.

I did it while he was out.

The shits about to hit the fan OP. Be prepared. Pack his stuff if you care to. He knows you know.

Yes she'll have deleted it. I'm just catching up with this entire thread now. She will know who you are, mark my words. This is all too familiar a scenario to me. Imagine she'll also tell your husband you've sent one, so he will be wary now.

As for the rest of the situation, I feel like he minimised his historic transgression so much that you have almost felt guilty and paranoid and that you had overreacted. You didn't. And you're not now.

He is a first class asshole and he's totally looking for an affair with this woman. Whether she's taking him up on this or not is almost besides the point. His intention is to cheat on you. I am so sorry you are in this situation. I would bet on it that he will deny everything, try to make you feel guilty, minimise and turn it round that you are the paranoid wife who won't let him have any freedom. Total bs. I actually feel like the whole hobby thing is just a cover story for the affair.

If he and this woman don't have any mutual friends and they don't work together, how did they meet? Was it really doing this 'hobby' or has he been looking for an affair online?

If you can't get his password, perhaps he has fingerprint login on his phone. Wait until he is asleep, assuming he's a deep enough sleeper, get his thumb or finger (you can notice which he uses) and get on it that way. Once you're in, add your own fingerprint to the login and you will be able to access the phone at anytime.

Get as much into as you can. Also, get all info on all finances and take pics of everything.

It's shit you're going though this, but you cannot trust this man.

If he does know, then he will probably be deleting all traces of contact with this woman from his phone,

But a "wiped clean" phone is also strong evidence that there had been something to hide.

Thinking of you x

Okay. Phew deep breath. Bit of a shock she’s deleted my friend request. Didn’t realise it had gone this far.

I’m going to go downstairs. He’s still up. Say good night and judge his mood.

Then I’ll check his phone 3am.

The OW may also start backing off at this point too. Your DH has just landed himself in very hot water all round. The emoji thing would make me wretch too. Good luck OP.

Keep us updated op xxx

Keep us updated. We're rooting for you! X

Placemarlking.

Well, sorry you probably played your hand too soon OP. I guess you were in a high emotional state.

You can see if you can get access to his phone tonight, but if he knows now, they'll be no chance of finding anything more concrete than what you've found already.

p.s. the ‘talk about anything you fancy’ grinning emoji - to me thats real middle-aged pervy conversation to a young woman (even if he is fit, etc). God knows what the scarf things about, but a message followed by another stupid grin. Weird and weirder.

By weird I mean weirdly "suggestive".

Good luck with everything op your one strong woman, and you have tons of mnetters behind you and thinking about you, stay strong

Just had a brief chat with DH downstairs. He was as normal. He was on the computer, doing a presentation. No look of anger/guilt.

I’ll try get hold of his phone. He’s a really light sleeper though.

If you get his phone and it's clean of any evidence,
See if you can find her mobile number, click on her details, click edit, delete her number and put your mobile number there instead.

If he texts her, the text will come through to your phone.

Just be sure not to text him / call him from your mobile whilst this is going on or he will know you changed out the numbers!

@stone I know that horrible phrase, ‘talk about anything you fancy’ with a grinning emoji. I literally wanted to claw the screen. Yuk. Just horrrid. Eurghhh.

Oh and when I checked his history he’d watched two of her videos she’d put up, one of her doing gymnastics. Christ.

@stepping that’s genius.

He's certainly creeping on her!
Makes me furious on your behalf!

@snobby yeah how the hell did they meet? It can’t be through the hobby, he’d not joined any groups when they were added as friends. She does not work with him or in anywhere he would go. She’s not a friend of anyone else that he knows.

I would think you need to block her number first otherwise she could text him first and it would show that her number isn't saved.

Also just remembered he got a phone call last Sunday and said ‘I’m busy now, sorry’ and went out the room. He usually hates taking calls so it wasn’t super unusual, but he’s never used that phrase before and I never asked him who it was.

That’s brilliant Lego!

@florene good thinking.

Also you would need to delete any texts stored from you, or your message thread will show up under her name if he goes to text her.